I have a girlfriend but I like someone else: 5 tips on what to do

Couple relationships are a type of complex, deep bond and a great source of stimulation. There are conflicts, potholes and difficulties, but they are one of the most meaningful types of relationships that exist.

However, throughout life it is likely that we will experience more than one couple crisis. It is also possible that some people who already have a partner begin to feel attracted and notice other people, or experience a crush on third parties.

What happens if it comes to a situation similar to "I have a girlfriend but I like someone else"?

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

I have a girlfriend but I like someone else: what to do?

Finding yourself in a situation where we have a partner but we begin to experience something for another person is difficult. and it can generate a high level of suffering not only for the current relationship but also for the subject himself.

Although this will depend on the type of bond with the couple and the personality and perspective of the subject in this situation, in many cases we are facing a type of situation that can cause

doubts, fear of losing or hurting a partner, feelings of guilt, anguish, sadness and even in some cases depression.

This phenomenon can occur at any time in a relationship, but it is much more common (and that is when there is usually a higher level of suffering for both) than when we are in a relationship phase consolidated in which passion and infatuation have lost intensity.

In part, this fact facilitates familiarity with the other person, as well as routine: new or different stimuli than usual can attract our attention a lot. In any case, and regardless of when it occurs, the big question arises: what can I do?

1. Physical attraction or something else?

First of all, we must analyze and take into account if we really like the other person on a romantic level, or we are talking about sexual attraction or mere sympathy. We must take into account that being attracted to other people is natural, and does not imply any disloyalty on our part unless, in addition to mere attraction, we carry out an approach for sexual purposes.

On the other hand, it is also possible that we only feel affection or sympathy for another person, without talking about a crush and even without the existence of desire. Without going any further, this is what happens with friendship.

Now, if the other person happens to occupy our thoughts constantly, if we prioritize the company of said person or if we are unsure of what we feel, perhaps a deeper assessment of what it generates is recommended this.

2. If we are facing deeper feelings... consider why

In the event that it is obvious to us that we are feeling something for another person who is not our partner and that it goes beyond mere desire, The next step is to analyze why..

In this sense, there are many questions that we can ask ourselves, and that can help us direct our thought to discover what it is that both our partner and this third party really produce in us person.

Some of them are the following:

• What is it about the other person that makes you like them?
• Are these feelings born in a context of conflict with the current partner?
• Is this feeling real or just a way to find an escape from monotony?
• Do you love your current partner or is it just love and habit?
• Do you like the other person in general or just one aspect of them, like their looks?
• Do you want to have something with that other person?
• Do you consider that the emergence of this type of sensations is due to some lack of the current one?
• Do you want to keep your current relationship?
• Do you stay in your current relationship for fear of being alone?
• Are you willing to give up your current relationship?
• Is there emotional dependency or codependency in the relationship?

3. Evaluate the alternatives

Once we analyze what we feel and a possible reason for it, the next step will be to consider and assess what alternatives we have. The main ones can be summarized in the following: continue with the current relationship or break it, and in the latter case try or not to start a new relationship.

It is advisable not to make the decision on the fly and truly value each option, what it generates for us and the possible consequences that may arise from them.

You also have to take into account what it means to break, including what will change and how it will affect each of those involved (something that may include other types of losses).

Furthermore, it is important to note that We shouldn't play with anyone's feelings., neither with those of your partner nor with those of the person of your interest: the others are not mere toys for our entertainment and enjoyment but thinking and sentient beings.

• You may be interested in: "What to do when they play with your feelings: 10 recommendations"

4. make up your mind

Once the different alternatives have been evaluated, it is time to make a decision in this regard. This final decision has to be made based on what we feel is correct and most sincere: we have to act according to what we really want and what we feel good about afterwards.

Whether we continue with our relationship or if we decide to break up and start another, the reason behind it is not It may be the fear of losing an opportunity, of not being able to establish or maintain the relationship or of staying only.

Nor should we make the decision subject to the other: usually it is obvious that the fact of breaking up is going to cause pain to our partner if that is the decision we make, but if our relationship is no longer sustained, it may be best to leave it.

5. After the decision: guidelines to follow

Regardless of the decision that is made, it is necessary to take into account the need to assess what to do afterwards. If we decide to stay with our partner, we must assume the need to see the other person and also work on those aspects of the relationship that have made us doubt. Communication is essential, and it will have to be promoted and its effectiveness increased.

In the event that there is routine and monotony, work can be done to experience new sensations and activities and introduce changes that allow the emotion to be recovered as much as possible.

If the final decision is to break, it will be necessary to try that said rupture be carried out in the best possible way, without deceiving or blaming the other person. Nor should you try to force the other to be the one who leaves the relationship: if it is our decision we have to assume our responsibility. We must also take into account the possibility that our partner or ex-partner reacts badly, with anger, sadness or reproaches (although we must not admit violent attitudes).

In any of the cases, it is recommended, at least initially, zero contact with the person for whom we have not chosen: If we are in a couple, avoiding the person we were attracted to will reduce possible discomfort or doubts, while if we break up it is also advisable to cut contact or reduce it to a minimum in order not to leave doubts or generate anguish or confusion to the person left behind or even to ourselves.

Bibliographic references:

• Fehr, B., Russell, J. (1991). The Concept of Love Viewed From a Prototype Perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
• Helen F. (2004). Why We Love: the nature and chemistry of romantic love.