I want to leave my partner and I can't

Ending a relationship is not easy, and more so if it seems that there is no easy reason to express in words. But the thought of wanting to do it, of no longer feeling the same for the other person, is reason enough to do it.

When the idea of ​​leaving our partner arises, fears linked to this thought also appear, such as fear of loneliness, pain, regret, change, or not being able to live without the other person. They are common fears that we can have in this situation, but that we must face and manage to continue with the decision if we value that it is the best option.

In this article we will talk about couple relationships, what fears may arise at the idea of ​​wanting to end the relationship, and how to pose the break.

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'I feel like I can't leave my partner even if I want to'

Every relationship between people entails the need for adaptation between the two, and even more so if it is a relationship with a partner, a person with whom we want to share a life project together. It is clear that the road will not always be easy and it is very likely that crisis situations will appear, understood as discrepancies that the couple must overcome in order to continue progressing.

Now, in the same way that it is advised not to throw in the towel in the face of a first conflict, since discussions are normal situations and can be resolved, it is also not functional to persist in a relationship when we know that it is imminent that it ends and we don't feel the same way about the other person.

Continuing with someone with whom we no longer want to be involves a waste of time both for oneself and for the other person, since that we continue to be linked to a relationship that we know will not last and we do not allow ourselves to be able to meet other people and remake our lifetime. Likewise, also we are lying to our partner and even to ourselves, since we are not telling you the truth, we are withholding information from you and taking away your ability to decide what you want to do. All this generates significant psychological wear and tear that can lead to mental disorders in the medium and long term.

Leaving someone is a difficult decision, since many fears related to those difficult situations can appear in our minds that will come with the breakup and that we don't like to think about, but when we have a clear decision, making it is the best option we can drink; It will be a relief for both you and your partner, even though at first it may cause pain. In the long run it will be the best for both of you.

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Fears linked to leaving our partner

There are many factors that influence, such as the time you have been together, the reason why you want to break up, at what time of your life you meet, if you have property or children in common, and many other factors that depend on the particular situation of each.

To all these variables is added that feeling the desire to leave someone does not mean that we no longer love him. When we have shared time, experiences, happy moments and we have loved someone, it is normal for us to continue feeling something for that person, but not in the same way we used to, a sign that confirms our decision to want to break up.

There are many fears that can arise when we consider or want to end a relationship. A very common fear in people is the fear of change, of something new, to break with the usual routine; This feeling is linked to the well-known saying “Better known bad than known good”. We cling to something or someone even though we know, since we don't want to continue with it, for fear of what may happen or what may come.

Another common fear is the fear of loneliness.; human beings are social animals and as such we need to relate to other people. When we break up with someone we are afraid of not finding anyone else. On the other hand, when we have been together for a long time, imagining ourselves alone causes us discomfort, we can think that we will not be well and we will have a bad time.

Likewise, pain terrifies us; not only feel it, but also cause it. We are aware that the break involves a period of discomfort, of feeling pain in the face of loss, and we believe that if we don't break we'll avoid it but we're just making this rise and ultimately the pain so much more intense.

When we resist performing a key behavior for us, when we are afraid of what might happen when we perform it, we often we tend to justify our lack of initiative by claiming that the situation will surely improve. We try to deceive ourselves, expecting a change "a magical event" that will never happen.

Being in love with someone, unfortunately, is not something we can control at will, sometimes leading to pain when love is not reciprocated. For this reason, it will not help to force ourselves or persist when our feelings are what they are and we cannot change them. The only option is to act in the best possible way to cause the least damage to both our partner and ourselves.

The time we have spent with a person can generate in some subjects a emotional dependence, a belief of not being able to be without the other person, can't live without her. This feeling is very likely to become what we currently know as a toxic relationship.

Contrary to what many believe, wanting does not mean needing, since this need can lead to continue with someone even if we no longer want it. We must be with someone despite not needing it.

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How to take the step of breaking up with your partner

When the thought of wanting to end a relationship arises in us on a recurring basis, that is a warning sign that we cannot ignore. If we notice that our feeling towards our partner has changed, it is no longer what it was, we should not act as if nothing, doing as if this thought did not exist, since in this way we will only be able to prolong a situation that will most likely end evil.

Faced with the idea of ​​ending the relationship, we must face it and ask ourselves the reason for this thought, trying to pay more attention to how we feel, what we notice when we are with our partner, how we would feel if we were no longer together, if there is a possibility of improvement... Questions that will help us to say and see more clearly if ending the relationship is the best option. To achieve this, it can help you to fill out a emotions diary, which is a very useful self-knowledge tool.

If you see that the thought of breaking up persists and most of the answers to the questions you ask yourself confirm that idea, you need to talk to your partner. Communication is one of the bases of the relationship; Without it, it is difficult to know how the other feels or what ideas they have and we will not be able to express ourselves either, and it will be impossible to solve the differences or crises that may arise. In other words, we will not be able to progress and the relationship will most certainly not end well.

Communication is the best tool both when the couple is going well and when it is going badly. Therefore, choose a time and place in advance to have that difficult conversation, and mark it on your agenda so that it is more difficult for you to postpone it by making excuses.

Express to your partner how you feel, make him a participant in the situation, let him also give his opinion. We may think that by raising the idea of ​​breaking up we will harm the other person, and it is true that almost It is never a pleasant situation, but it is the only way to be honest with her and give her the possibility of to decide. As we have seen, we are giving the freedom to act, being aware of the circumstances and stop living a lie.

Now, communication is important and necessary in this situation, but shouldn't change our decision if we really don't feel that way. In other words, it may be that when we talk to our partner the fear of pain is confirmed, we see how the another person has a hard time and we also feel affected, but this fear should not stop our decision. Staying with someone to please him and to prevent him from suffering, will only mean more suffering for him and for us.

Likewise, we must stand firm in our decision if finally, after talking and reflecting on our own, we have valued breaking up as the best option. It is important to continue and stay strong despite the circumstances that may occur. The rupture entails a loss and as such we must go through a period of mourning, in this way both of you will need a time, more or less long, to get used to the new life without the other person.

Ending a relationship is a difficult situation to face and it can be scary, but more fear should make us continue with someone with whom we are no longer happy. We must consider that it is much more painful to accept living a lie. As we have already seen, we are taking away the possibility and freedom of the other person to rebuild their life and return to find happiness, just as we are depriving ourselves of falling in love again.