5 tips to build a healthy relationship
Relationships are a fundamental part of the general well-being that we experience in our lives. And after more than a decade working with couples in different parts of the world, I can be clear about the most common problems we face; such as communication, lack of empathy and emotional lack of honesty; because I myself have experienced them more than once, and they are never easy to handle. That's why I bring you the 5 best Tips to create a healthy relationship.
- Related article: "How do you know when to go to couples therapy? 5 compelling reasons"
Basic tips to have a healthy relationship
Keep these tips in mind to strengthen the bond of a couple.
1. The communication bases everything
This advice is the basis of any quality affective relationship, but It is not any communication, but that which honestly expresses what we feel. It is what I call emotional honesty; and this becomes the stone in the shoe, because since we were little we were taught to hide our true emotions. For example, when they gave us something we didn't like and our parents force us to smile and say that we did like it, even if it wasn't true.
And that childhood education and others of that type condition us to bring these bad practices to our relationships; And of course, by not honestly saying what we feel, we don't allow our partner to really know who we are. For love to thrive, it needs emotional honesty, in order to proceed to the next step.
- You may be interested in: "Honest People: Their 12 Distinctive Characteristics"
2. Negotiation
This point has a special value for me, since suffering from ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and having limited social tools, typical of this condition, it was very difficult to truly communicate my reality emotional; which made it almost impossible to reach a negotiation, which pushed me into a complacent behavior, which although it did not generate more conflict, frustrated me more and more. And this, in the medium and long term, generated multiple failures in my sentimental life.
It wasn't until I dedicated myself to my emotional education that I managed to put my conversations at the right point to negotiate.
And it is hopeful to know this, since if I, with an atypical neurophysiological condition (I have a brain that is different from the average) I managed to educate him and generate new and more efficient synaptic connections, which allowed me to understand my emotions and manage them, because you, my dear reader, can also achieve it. So, negotiate It is exposing one's own position on an issue, listening to our partners, validating that their point is as valid as ours., and at that point look for a win, win. From that 50/50 that benefits both, and without winners or losers, you can move towards building a more democratic and equitable relationship.
"Decide how often you want to win the argument at the expense of your peace." Keep it real, Do you really respect the needs of your partner? Commit to do it And you will see that sometimes winning is losing.
- Related article: "Top 14 Negotiation Skills"
3. emotional honesty
Well, I already mentioned this idea before, but it is necessary to make its monumental value clear, so let's go with some examples that I myself have experienced. About 10 years ago I couldn't understand my emotions; and this is not only an impediment to resolving conflicts, but also prevents your partner from really knowing you.
For example, I hated that at parties he would leave me alone and go dancing with other people, but since I didn't tell him that The mere fact of being in noisy places, with human groups, in small places caused me emotional discomfort tremendous. She had no way of knowing, she couldn't read my mind, and of course, seeing that she didn't do anything, I got more frustrated, and what she saw was an angry person for no logical reason. This made her angry, and gasoline on fire… it creates an explosion.
In this brief history of a conflict, we can glimpse the destructive potential of not communicating our emotions, since, on the one hand, it makes negotiation and the elaboration of agreements impossible; Rather, it prevents your partner from understanding who you really are, and love cannot prosper on that path. Express with respect what you feel, what you like and what you don't, it is the only way to grow as a couple.
- You may be interested in: "Emotional management: 10 keys to master your emotions"
4. set limits
A real and healthy relationship must have clear limits, how do I define them? If you have already opened yourself to emotional honesty, you already know what causes you emotional discomfort, which situations are unpleasant and which ones you like; And it is on this knowledge that you determine what things or situations you can let go of, which ones to negotiate and which ones are not open to negotiation. Remember saying no to your partner does not make you a bad personIt is not your responsibility what the other person feels, as long as it is respectful, no "no" is negative.
5. Create an action plan
Finally, if you do not put into practice, if you do not generate an action plan for the execution of the changes or agreements reached with your partner, believe me, it will only be postponing a crisis, which could be avoided, just by taking seriously what our partner tells us communicates. Give him the message through actions that I really care about you. And that, dear readers, is what love does.
Communicates, reaches fair agreements, is honest, has clear limits and does what he knows he must do so as not to cause pain to himself or to the one he loves.
It's time to sail
concluding, building a healthy relationship implies growing as individualsIn order to support the development of the relationship, it is not an easy path, and you may find that you do not have the emotional or psychological resources to carry out this task successfully. If that is the case, do not hesitate to seek professional help, 75% of couples who seek therapy resolve their differences; remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a show of intelligence and love.
