Gottman Method of Couples Therapy: characteristics and operation

Why do relationships break up? Is it possible to find some scientific method that allows detecting factors that maintain and break relationships? With this objective, Dr. John Gottman developed extensive research in the field of love relationships, together with his wife, the psychologist Julie Gottman.

Between the two of them they created the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy., a type of couples therapy focused on helping couples resolve their conflicts and build healthier relationships. In this article we will learn about its characteristics and applications, as well as the 7 principles that help maintain loving relationships.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

Gottman Method of Couples Therapy: origin

The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy is a type of couples therapy, developed by Dr. John Gottman, a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, with his wife, psychologist Julie Gottman.

Dr. John Gottmann, in addition to being a psychologist, had mathematical and statistical training, and had been investigating the relationship patterns of different couples for more than 40 years. He relied on science and statistics to try to understand something as inaccurate and volatile as love, but it turns out that he did well.

What J intended. gottman was find the variables that facilitated a rupture, as well as the factors that favored the continuity of relationships.

7 principles of the love bond

The Gottmans worked in clinical practice with more than 3,000 couples of all types, and developed a list of 7 principles that They must govern a healthy couple relationship, so that the relationship is maintained over time and provides well-being to both parts.

These principles are also called The Sound Relationship House, and represent a metaphor for building a house, alluding to the relationship, which can be a house and a home at the same time. These 7 principles are based on two characteristics that the members of the couple must have: commitment and trust.

1. respect differences

Empathy is essential when building healthy relationships. It is therefore important that the two members of the couple take into account the preferences of the other, respect them and be able to share those interests at certain times.

It is not necessary that the two members of the couple agree on everything, but that they listen to each other, respect each other and accept that they are different people with different concerns and needs.

2. Show love

The second principle of the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy refers to the expression of affection and admiration towards the other member of the couple. It is essential that both partners in the relationship are able to detect and appreciate the virtues of the other.

• You may be interested in: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"

3. Solve problems

It is important that the couple acquire the necessary skills to resolve their conflicts or problems. Some ideas to do this are to gently start conversations that can be confrontational, as well as such as trying to repair the behaviors that have caused harm, in order to maintain the emotional connection with the person couple.

Here Negotiation skills will be very important (sometimes you must reach agreements or "pacts" with your partner, where both parties give in) and compromise skills. It will also be important to be tolerant of the other and share concerns, the couple being a "team" in this sense, seeking together the happiness of both.

4. build love maps

The Gottmanns talk about this concept alluding to a mutual and shared awareness of the other's world; that is, the important thing here is that both parties know how to enter the emotional world of the other, and that they know their aspirations, their values ​​and hopes.

The objective is to build paths in common as the process is enjoyed.

5. express interest

It is important that both members of the couple show interest in what the other explains to them. It is because of that it will be essential to share moments, engage in conversations of different kinds, know how to listen, etc.

In this sense, one aspect that will strengthen the relationship is to express said interest and appreciation towards the couple, so that they feel valued.

6. Manage conflicts

The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy highlights an essential difference between "resolving conflicts" and "managing conflicts”, since, according to the Gottmans, therapy should focus on promoting conflict management, not so much on its resolution.

This is explained by the fact that conflicts will always exist in relationships, and in a way that is healthy and keeps the relationship alive. In other words, conflicts are inherent in love relationships (and of all kinds).

That is why the objective should be focused on adequately managing these disagreements, and not so much on making them disappear without further ado (because that is also practically impossible and unrealistic).

7. Create shared meaning

The last principle refers to the enrichment of the relationship, which arises as a consequence of the contributions of both members of the couple to the relationship.

Thus, it is important that each of them give the value they deserve to everything that their partner contributes. The goal is for both of you to find and create a shared relationship meaning, where both parties contribute and are nourished by the contributions of the other.

When can the therapy be applied?

The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy can be applied in all stages of a relationship, from the beginning, to educate the two components of the couple in healthy relationship patterns, even in conflictive stages where events such as infidelities have occurred.

In addition, the studies that have been carried out in relation to the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy show that this type of therapy can be effective in both heterosexual and homosexual couples, as well as couples from different cultures, sectors and status economic.

Factors that predict divorce

But the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy does not only talk about the principles or variables that help the relationship work and last over time. It also talks about the factors that predict or explain divorces., culminating point of the couple's crisis in marriages.

These are: the contempt of one or both members of the couple towards the other, defensiveness, criticism towards the other (especially towards his way of being and towards his personality) and the impediments or refusals to interact or communicate, by one or of the two.

Considerations

The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy is a type of therapy based on scientific research, and on the studies developed by the Gottman couple. That is why its validity and empirical evidence are high.

However, it is important to note that each couple will have its characteristics, and that as therapists we must maintain a flexible approach of therapy if we decide to apply this method. In other words, it will be convenient to adapt it to the needs of the patients in the cases that are required.

In addition, it is important to note that to carry out the Gottman Method we must train ourselves in it properly, since it is not a type of therapy that can be applied without further ado. The training will allow us to know the method first hand, and to acquire the necessary confidence to apply it in an individualized and adapted way in our clinical practice.