How to manage the couple relationship in its beginnings?

The first stage of a romantic relationship is a qualitatively different experience than any other phase of development of that emotional bond.

And it is that falling in love, characteristic of those initial months, gives rise to some communication and interaction dynamics that must be taken into account to manage that courtship relationship. Therefore, in this article I will talk about some tips to keep in mind for those beginnings of a relationship.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

The keys to understanding falling in love

Let's start by addressing the concept of falling in love. This is the first phase of love in the context of couple relationships, and it contains both psychological and physiological changes. In short, falling in love acts giving rise to some of the characteristic symptoms of addictions (although it is not an addiction in itself and, of course, it is not a pathology either): people in love notice how your focus of attention shifts over and over again to the habit of thinking about that special person

, something that also unleashes intense emotions; and at the same time, they seek to be in the company of that person to notice a release of well-being caused by that person. experience (caused by the brain's reward system, which becomes very active when consuming drug).

In other words, falling in love makes our brain activate a lot when thinking about that person or being with her, and at the same time predisposes us to feel intense emotions when that happens, which leads us to get even more involved in that relationship. Because we think about that person so much, our minds fill in the gaps of information we have about them (in order to accounts, we still don't know her very well) with idealized exaggerations about what we think we see in her way of be; In addition, fantasizing about a future together is common, and in this way we try to give an outlet to that amalgam of desires and expectations that we keep going around in our heads.

As the months go by, falling in love gives way to other kinds of experiences., either the disappointment in love (seeing that this person is not the idealized being that we had imagined) or a mature love and more based on emotional stability.

Taking all this into account, let's see some tips to apply to manage a relationship in its beginnings.

• You may be interested: "Psychology of love: this is how our brain changes when we find a partner"

Tips for managing the relationship in its early stages

If you are going through the first stage of a dating relationship, I recommend you keep the following keys in mind.

1. Don't take for granted what you want and what you expect

As I have anticipated, in falling in love it is typical to believe that we know the other person more than we really do. Therefore, it is best to try to compensate for this tendency, maintaining assertive and constant communication, expressing our emotions and also being interested in how the other person feels, what they want, what their priorities are, etc.

• Related article: "How to identify the 4 basic styles of communication?"

2. Don't blame yourself for wanting to be with that person.

It is something common, and should not be seen as a problem as long as it does not lead to jealousy dynamics. come to a middle point in which you can be together, but respecting the moments in which one or the other wants to reserve time for oneself.

3. Get rid of complexes and do not be afraid of "what they will say"

If falling in love is already in itself an experience with a great capacity to appeal to our emotions (for better and for worse, both in terms of happiness and related to anguish and fear), we must try not to add more instability by keeping the relationship secret during the first weeks, something more common than it seems. Many people are intimidated by the idea of ​​breaking their public image with family and friends and introducing another person in these social contexts, but pretending that the courtship did not exist will generate many situations of frustration and even unfounded shame and guilt.

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4. Assume that mature love is not a bad thing

At the first signs that falling in love is giving way to another type of love, this should not be seen as a problem or a couple crisis; as we have seen, it is something normal, and It doesn't mean that love has disappeared.

• You may be interested: "Mature Love: Why is the Second Love Better Than the First?"

Are you looking for professional psychological assistance?

If you are looking for individualized psychotherapeutic assistance services or couples therapy, contact me.

Am Caroline Marin, General Health Psychologist federated by the FEAP and with consultation in Seville, and I put at your disposal more than 20 years of experience caring for adults and adolescents.