7 typical thoughts of self-deception in emotional dependence

Social relationships are often a fundamental support network, something we need both to develop psychologically and to be happy. However, sometimes it happens that harmful interaction dynamics arise, capable of negatively affecting the way in which we think and perceive reality.

Perhaps we have the clearest case in sects in which people are manipulated so that they give blind obedience to the organization's elite and cut off all other ties with others; however, a similar phenomenon can occur on a small scale, in relationships between two people.

This is the topic that we will focus on in this article; Here we will focus on the way in which emotional dependence in interpersonal relationships gives rise to self-deceptive thoughts to maintain that bond despite the fact that it is harmful to us.

• Related article: "The 8 Types of Manipulators: How Does Each Act?"

What is emotional dependency?

Emotional dependency is a dysfunctional psychological pattern with which some people develop a permanent dependency. towards another person, from whom they need constant recognition, acceptance, support and, if possible, affection in any area of ​​their lives. lives. What characterizes emotional dependence is the asymmetry of power and the role of submission to the person on whom one depends, as well as the fear of losing their support.

It is a very negative type of relationship for the person who develops that constant dependence on another person, who can be the couple themselves, a close friend or a relative.

Emotional dependence usually works in a bidirectional way, since it requires a dependent person who is in a position of submission and inferiority and a controlling person who is progressively undermining the personality of his victim and increasingly strengthening dependency Of the same. Often both roles reinforce each other., so the situation worsens over time.

• You may be interested in: "Emotional management: 10 keys to master your emotions"

Typical self-deception thoughts in those who suffer from emotional dependency

There are a series of classic thoughts based on self-deception that hide a situation of psychological manipulation and/or constant submission to others. We see what are those ways of thinking that the emotionally dependent person develops.

1. "Only that person understands me"

Emotional dependence is based in most cases on harboring a series of self-deceitful thoughts. that make the person believe that their relationship of love or friendship is real and that it does not harm them in any way manner.

One of these thoughts has to do with believing that you have established yourself with that person on whom you are dependent, a very special relationship of complicity in which both parties understand each other perfectly always.

In this way, any sign of mistreatment, abuse or violence on the part of the person in question is ignored. situation of superiority, arguing that no one understands us like him or her and that our relationship must continue existing.

• Related article: "The 6 main types of toxic relationships"

2. "I can't trust myself"

The lack of trust shown by people with emotional dependency is explained by a low level of self-esteem, another of the classic characteristics in the development of this type of relationships of dependence.

It is customary to believe with total conviction that we are not capable of achieving by ourselves any of the objectives that we set for ourselves and that only with the help of those who we are dependent on can we achieve our goals.

This phenomenon of lack of trust is often caused by gaslighting or other manipulation techniques. psychological damage and destruction of the victim's personality, used by the other person exercising the dependence.

3. “Being with this person is my destiny”

magical thinking It is one of the intellectual modalities most commonly put into practice by people who are emotionally dependent on other people.

Thinking that we should continue with our partner or with our friend because we are destined to do so is another of the ways in which we deceive ourselves and remain anchored in a type of relationship dependent.

• Related article: "The myth of the better half: no couple is ideal"

4. “I have sacrificed so much for this relationship that at some point it has to work”

Emotionally dependent people often systematically sacrifice themselves for the well-being of the other person, yielding at all times and always putting the interests of the other person above their own.

This permanent sacrifice ends up generating in the person's mind thoughts of the type "so much sacrifice it will be worth it in the end”, a false idea that sooner or later they will be better with that person and everything will fix.

However, the reality is totally opposite and what usually happens is that the relationship of dependency worsens and is increasing, with the corresponding impact on mental health that it entails.

5. "If he makes the decisions for me, it's because he's better at everything"

Believing that the other person is always better than us It is also related to a progressive reduction in self-esteem and with the fact of believing that the other will always do better than us.

In a dependency relationship, the victim ends up depending on the other person in all areas of life and to carry out any activity, no matter how simple or daily.

• Related article: "6 limiting beliefs, and how they harm us on a day-to-day basis"

6. "This person knows me better than I know myself"

Low self-esteem and loss of self-confidence reaches levels as high as the fact to consider that the other person knows us better than ourselves and knows what we like best it suits.

This makes it possible for the control and submission to the other person to be total and for us to depend on them absolutely in any area of ​​life.

7. “Without him/her I will never be happy”

Linking one's own happiness to the person we are dependent on is also an unequivocal and classic sign of emotionally dependent relationships.

This predisposes to the need for wanting to be at all costs with the person on whom we are dependent before the fear of never being able to be happy if it is not with him or her.