People who do not know how to be single: this is how they live love

How many mistakes we would avoid in relationships if we knew how to differentiate between love and the fear of being alone! And it is that although it is true that falling in love has a very powerful emotional impact, the effects of the need to be in a relationship can be more lasting. In some cases, it can even be a source of distress that lasts for decades or practically a lifetime if nothing is done about it.

¿Why is it that some people don't know how to be single? and are constantly looking for a relationship? What can be done to get out of this situation? Let's see it.

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People who don't know how to be single: why do they do it?

There are different reasons that lead people to not know how to live single naturally or without causing harm to other people. These are several of them.

1. The myth of the better half

Romantic love is based on a series of distorted ideas about how affective relationships are and how they should be, and one of these misguided beliefs has to do with the myth of the better half.

According to this conception of love, we are incomplete people until the moment we find someone who completes us. Hence, being single is seen as a waste of time and resources, the confirmation of failure, since it is a stage in which for some reason we are failing when it comes to find the couple that will complete us and make us happy.

From this mental scheme, moreover, it is very easy to think in terms of "either black or white" and attribute all the evils that happen to us to the fact of not having a partner. If happiness does not appear while in a relationship, this is interpreted as a sign that you are not feeling well with that person, which leads to a breakup and the immediate search for another relationship.

2. The need to go through “serial monogamy” in order not to feel bad

Oddly enough, sexuality outside of marriage is still heavily stigmatized today, even in the most advanced and democratic countries. The fear of being frowned upon by others makes some people talk about love when they really mean sex, so being single is associated with having a zero sex life.

People who don't know how to be single for this reason, well, actually they do not have the means to live their sexuality fully and honestly, and although this may lead them to give false hope to other people, they experience a repression that also causes them discomfort.

3. They are victims of the rebound effect in love

There is a type of relationship that is known as a rebound relationship, and which is characterized by actually being an emotional cover to cover the void left by an ex. In other words, there are people who don't know how to be alone because they try to find a way to experience again what it felt like to be with a certain person.

In these cases, new relationships that start are usually short-lived because of the problems that arise in them; after all, another person is being used as a "support for the imagination" in an experience which has to do more with simulating an experience than with living the real affection that someone is expressing.

• Related article: "Relationships rebound, or replace the ex after a break: does one nail drive another nail?"

4. Social pressure and the search for reputation

It must not be forgotten that the reason why a person does not get along with being single does not have to be fundamentally in himself; the social context influences a lot.

Currently, especially in social circles dominated by very young people (adolescents and post-adolescents), not having a partner for a long time can be a reason for ridicule. Something that, regardless of whether or not we care what they think of us, has consequences for the life of those who are in this danger: receiving worse treatment, having less social support, etc. However, the opposite can also happen, seeking fame by flaunting the number of lovers that one has (something more typical of men, since women can be stigmatized for this).

As a reaction to the possibility of being alone both in love and in practically any social setting, many young people launch themselves to find a partner without paying too much attention to whether they really feel something intense for him or her lover.

5. the search for power

We must not forget that some people only seek to have relationships as a pretext to be in a situation where they can easily dominate someone, manipulating it and having privacy. To do this, they look for people who are prone to let themselves be dominated if certain conditions are met and start a relationship based on manipulation and psychological or physical abuse.

• Related article: "The 30 signs of psychological abuse in a relationship"

Anuptophobia, reaching mental disorder

In most cases, people who don't know how to be single are able to bring some order to their lives and are not constantly obsessed with that problem. However, there are very extreme cases in which the fear of being single becomes a form of phobia. This phenomenon is known as anuptophobia.

In these cases, the person feels a sense of loss of control that leads to moments of crisis caused by the recurring thought of not having a partner or to get to have a partner. It is necessary to go through a therapeutic program that allows you to return to normality by making these kinds of fears and recurring thoughts appear less and less frequently.