I love me, I love you

It is incredible to know how today society brings with it the phenomenon of emotional dependence, in which little by little people are immersed and, until they are aware that they do not have total control of their lives, they cannot rescue themselves.

That's right, many people stop being them to be the ideal couple; forgetting their dreams, goals and ideals. Many times they even change their beliefs, their tastes, their way of eating, dressing and even thinking, all in order to please that couple they have idealized and to want to always have it with them.

The bad thing is that by doing so they become a totally different person and end up leading an unwanted life.

• Related article: "Emotional dependence: the pathological addiction to your sentimental partner"

What is this all about?

There are several reasons why this happens: lack of character, the fear of loneliness, the void generated by some significant loss in their childhood, repetitive patterns not yet healed in the generational lineage, basing their own happiness in the relationship, not expressing needs, avoiding emotions, being afraid of abandonment and rejection, having the need to be with your partner all the time couple... These are some of the alarm signals that must be worked on.

Likewise, these behaviors also are due to the type of attachment that the person may have; it is necessary to know which one you have (safe, avoidant, anxious or disorganized), recognize it and work on it.

• You may be interested in: "How the fear of loneliness arises, and what to do"

How else can I know that I have an emotional dependency on my partner?

One of the most common signs is Not presenting any difference and not having had a single argument with your partner; When this type of person comes to consult with this argument, I question myself, and I also ask myself: which of the two is depending on the other?

The fear of conflicts has made life as a couple a farce that we later regret by not loving each other properly.

It is necessary to recognize that all couples have difficulties; There is no 100% perfect couple, discrepancies are normal, since all people are different and we transform day by day.

In the midst of a good evolution of oneself is the change of thought, making it more and more open, more reasonable and much more critical according to the culture and the learning carried out in she. That is why the differences will always exist and it is not bad to have them; on the contrary, it is something that will enrich the relationship.

Everyone's point of view is different and valid.What should not be allowed is the imposition of thoughts and life on the couple.

Therefore, what is required in a true couple when there really is love is a active listening and assertive, communication is the fundamental basis for a good coexistence; Being able to understand the difference of my partner is a key tool for its success, since it will be possible to know how each other can complement each other.

Many people avoid communicating their feelings, emotions and desires to their partner; they deny how their actions affect them and wish inside that it changes; but this will not happen if there is no communication of the pain that occurs.

• Related article: "Fear of saying what you think: causes, effects, and how to manage it"

So: what should I do?

It just must be you; when there is something that you do not like, express it with love, do not remain silentStop looking for your partner's approval and love.

Love yourself first and don't idealize a person; When looking for a partner, it is to share a life full of experiences, walking hand in hand within reach of dreams, goals and ideals, building a path that together they will trace day by day.

Having an ideal partner is being with that person with whom you can be one without fear of anything, to anyone and much less to what they will say. That's the perfect match; the one who will be with you despite your bad temper, who will continue to look pretty at you even though you get up disheveled, with runny makeup, with exposed crusts and even more so when you have the unbearable pain of every 28 days.

The person you should have in your life is the one that will be with you when you feel most fragile and also when you feel like a hero or a heroine; She is the one who will not stop listening to you, she is the one who will take her cell phone away from her to be able to be with you looking into your eyes, listening to what hurt you; He is the one who works every day to be a better person for himself and for you without leaving his essence.

If I work to be better for my partner... Am I leaving my essence?

There is a very thin line that we often cross thinking that the change we make is for our partner, leaving aside the importance of working on being a better version of yourself, enjoying being better every day and not because you have to change looking for acceptance.

I will show you this very thin line that you cannot cross, because you will reach extremes that are not healthy, in therapy, where you will discover many things about you that will help you to truly love, discovering that in order to give you must first be full and thus you will be able to say without hurting: I love myself, I love you. love.