Interested people: 4 keys to easily detect them

There is a widespread myth in Western societies related to the idea of ​​meritocracy. It is about the belief in the self-made man, someone who succeeds in life (basically in terms of financial), and that he owes nothing to anyone, since everything that he is has arisen from his effort and his decisions. It is a myth precisely because no one has what he has only thanks to his efforts.

We are a large part of who we are thanks to the fact that, throughout our lives, other people have contributed to us having the opportunity to reach adulthood, whether we are aware of it or not, and many times they help us throughout life or a good part of it. she.

However, in this collaborative network, there are those who decide to take much more than they give. These are interested people., who submit their entire philosophy of social relations to one principle: what do I get from this?

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The 4 Characteristics of Stakeholders

If the people concerned are so harmful, it is among other things because It is not always easy to recognize them or intuit their intentions. In this way, when they try to obtain something from others without contributing anything in return, this fact can be camouflaged in different ways that we will see later.

In addition, although by dint of repeating this kind of behavior over and over again it is difficult to maintain the deception, sometimes There are those who achieve such a powerful power of seduction that we do not even realize that they are taking advantage of us. Once you have entered a dynamic in which vampirization becomes a habit, it is difficult to detect it. If we have been involved in that relationship for a long time, our perception becomes biased, distorted.

For all of the above, it is important to pay attention to the signals that tell us, in a more or less subtle way, when we are dealing with one of the interested parties. willing to waste time and effort. Below you will find the main characteristics of these. Keep in mind that they do not have to occur all at the same time for someone to be considered to be behaving in an interested manner, and that the fact that one or more of them is fulfilled The actions on this list do not make that person "labeled" for life: they are behavior patterns that are learned and, therefore, can be changed. unlearn.

1. use victimhood

Something that is part of the habitual behavior of the people concerned has to do with creating the illusion that everyone behaves unfairly towards them. In this way, whoever listens to this story assumes that it is reasonable to make sacrifices so that this situation of injustice is compensated, even in part.

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2. Assume that we will help

Saying no to a request for a favor is something that is difficult on most occasions. Whoever acts in an interested way has it easy to exploit this fact: it is enough to act assuming that the other is going to sacrifice for them.

In this way, to refuse to do something, you have to fight twice the pressure: not only do you have to risk appear as a selfish person, but you also have to break the story that the other person creates through her way and talk, according to which the normal thing is to act as she expects, adjusting ourselves to the objectives that she proposes.

That is to say, the situation must be reformulated, explaining our perspective of the facts, something that the other person has not had to do, since her message was implicit in the way of speaking about her.

3. They use ways of speaking that suggest a symmetrical relationship

When you honestly ask for a favor, you do it in a way that makes it clear that you're doing just that: asking for a favor. However, something typical of someone who has become accustomed to acting in an interested manner is trying to "camouflage" this fact while, in practice, asking for a favor.

For example, when instead of asking for help you are asking to "collaborate", as if both parties get something equally valuable and beneficial through an action in which one gives and the other receives what was requested, one is acting with little honesty. It is true that these are simply linguistic formulas and that by themselves they do not cause significant damage, but feel a precedent, on the one hand, and puts the other person in a commitment, so that his freedom to refuse to do that is limited. favor.

4. They try to pass themselves off as extroverts

The easiest way to tell when someone is acting self-serving is to notice how they behaved when they didn't have any favors to ask. Among friends it is common to ask for favors, but if a request is made to someone less trustworthy, The honest thing is to get to the point, explain what you want. You can't create a friendship in a few minutes just before going to ask for something, that's cheating. And no, this is not something that is simply attributable to extraversion and ease of communication. socialize: whoever is extroverted always is, not only when looking for something specific that someone can give.