I feel like I hate my family: what to do and how to fix it?

The family represents a source of support that is often unconditional, and depending on the age at which we find ourselves, this nucleus fulfills different roles that will help us mature.

But sometimes it could happen that we don't understand why our family acts with us in a way that doesn't seem the most correct to us; We consider that family members are unfair and we believe that they are not capable of understanding our needs. Such behavior could generate a feeling of hostility towards them.

In this article We will review what to do if you are one of those people who have the typical thought of "I hate my family". We will see some effective reconciliation methods and the best alternatives for those cases.

• Related article: "The 8 types of family conflicts and how to manage them"

I feel like I hate my family: what to do?

To deal with this situation, an exercise in personal introspection is required to a great extent, that is, evaluating ourselves. ourselves and review what is happening in us, why we have these feelings towards our relatives. Fostering our emotional intelligence will help a lot, let's see how.

1. acknowledging our feelings

This consists of accepting what you feel at first, regardless of whether it conforms to reality or not. This will help you take the next step, which is to review why you feel that way. The sooner you recognize the feeling and accept it, the closer you will be to overcoming it..

2. Review our family expectations

Many times we expect our family to provide us with everything and understand us in all cases, forgetting that they also have needs and need understanding. Having realistic expectations as to what you expect to receive from your family it helps to avoid the levels of frustration towards those people.

3. Prevent the past from influencing

It is common for families to have fights at a certain time, for various reasons. But you should always remember that Conflicts are fleeting, although the family is forever. Do not allow old grudges to continue limiting your family life.

4. Find the real reason

This refers to the level of introspection that we can have. Once you have accepted your feelings it is time to see why they are there, but being completely honest with ourselves. As uncomfortable as they may be, you must recognize the real reasons for your anger towards them and channel that discomfort in a constructive way.

5. Keep in mind that your family is part of who you are

The rejection of family members could be caused by a rejection of aspects of our own personality that we don't like, but that we are unable to recognize or accept. That is why it is important to take the time to evaluate ourselves, before disowning others.

Effective reconciliation methods

Now let's look at some tools that can be very useful when looking for a family reconciliation, when it's time to make the feeling of "I hate my family" disappear. After realizing why we experienced feelings of discomfort towards our family, the time has come to practice new styles of coexistence. Let's go see them.

1. avoid comparisons

At the time of living together, it must always be taken into account that each person is unique in all its aspects.

Must avoid making comparisons between our relatives or between other families and ours. The best thing is always to accept our loved ones as they are. We must learn to love them.

2. Practice active listening

One of the best ways to avoid conflicts is to know how to listen. This refers to the fact that we must interpret what others tell us assertively, that is, listen to what they are really saying and not what we think we understood.

• You may be interested in: "Active listening: the key to communicating with others"

3. family therapy

Taking into account that families are nuclei made up of people who, although they have things in common, also have differences, family therapy is very useful to make us more tolerant and coexistence tools are learned together.

• Related article: "How to find a psychologist to attend therapy: 7 tips"

Personal alternatives in these cases

When this situation arises in our lives, it is important that we not only focus the solution on collective coexistence, but also in our personal growth, and that we evaluate what aspects of ourselves we could improve.

1. avoid generalizing

When we say "I hate my family" we are encompassing almost all members of our family tree., which is totally irrational.

We may have some specific difference with some members of our close or not so close family nucleus, but in any Of the cases we must specify with whom exactly there is hostility for specific reasons, in order to be able to solve this properly.

2. Renew ties with your family

This refers to putting into practice new ways of relating to them, being aware that the previous ways were not healthy, and looking for the best options to be at peace with the family.

3. Learn from adversities

When we go through difficult times in our lives, including family conflicts, we can always get a valuable lesson from that. Keep in mind that you cannot avoid conflicts, but you can learn from them to reduce and avoid repetitive arguments.

Bibliographic references:

• Stoop, D. and Masteller, J. (1997). Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves: Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families. Regal.
• Neuharth, D. (1999). If you had parental control. Harpers pocket book.