Shy people: what they are like, and their 5 characteristics

Each person has a particular style that determines their way of being and acting. Generally, our vital experiences have a notorious influence on the personality that we are configuring over time.

There are no ways to be better than others. However, shyness is usually the least popular style. Those who identify with this more withdrawn style tend to suffer from the judgment that others submit to them., being habitually roofed as insecure, boring, haughty or unpleasant.

There is nothing wrong with feeling more comfortable in environments with few people. However, the society in which we live has convinced us that this is the case. For this reason, shy individuals tend to make a lot of efforts to fit in and please others at all costs, giving up their real preferences.

In this article we will talk in detail about shyness, the characteristics of shy people and the more complex situations they face in their day to day.

What is shyness?

Shy people are those who prefer to function in settings with few people or to be alone. Social situations with many people around them are less pleasant and require more effort for them. Shyness makes people more reserved at first, with less tendency to take the initiative in interactions.

Shyness is associated with prudence and a taste for reliable and small groups of friends.

Whenever shyness is mentioned, it is associated with the presence of psychological discomfort. However, this is not necessarily so. There are shy people who manage to function adaptively in their daily lives and are able to take advantage of their resources to get out of social situations without experiencing great anxiety. However, it is true that some of them may have problems relating to others, even avoiding certain social settings out of fear. In these cases, the individual can become quite isolated, significantly reducing their social network.

It is important to note that shyness is not recognized as a psychopathological disorder. When withdrawal begins to be a problem and is associated with discomfort and difficulty coping with day-to-day life, it is often referred to as a social phobia. Shyness does not imply fear of a social setting, but a preference for environments with fewer people.

For all that has been said, shyness does not imply that there is something abnormal in the person. In fact, all of us in childhood go through a phase between six and twelve months in which fear of strangers prevails. This represents an adaptive mechanism that allows human pups to stay close to their caregivers, thus warding off possible dangers.

In short, far from being a psychological disorder, shyness can be a way of understanding the environment and adapting to it prudently and calmly.

• Related article: "The main theories of personality"

Characteristics of shy people

Now that we have defined what we understand by shyness, we could highlight some characteristics of shy people.

1. introversion

Shyness is related to tendency to secrecy. The person doesn't fully open up until he builds trust with someone.

2. Difficulty expressing feelings

Shyness is also linked to the difficulty in being able to express emotions spontaneously.

3. discreet attitude

Shy people don't take well to being the center of attention.They prefer to go unnoticed and leave the limelight to others.

4. Difficulty being assertive

Shyness makes it difficult to communicate your own needs to others. This causes the person to end up developing a passive and submissive attitude, putting the wishes of others before their own.

5. Discomfort in social situations

Shy people often don't feel comfortable in crowded social settings. They prefer to hang out alone or with their trusted people, since only then can they feel fully calm.

Situations that can be complicated for a shy person

As we have been commenting, shyness is far from a psychological disorder. It is a personality characteristic that does not have to be associated with suffering or discomfort. However, the tendency to withdraw can make some shy people see certain challenges in everyday situations that go unnoticed by others. Below, we will discuss some of these daily life challenges that shy people deal with.

1. Talk to strangers

On some occasion you may have had to ask for the time, ask for an address, make a reservation telephone in a restaurant... In all these cases we are obliged to speak to someone a stranger. These seemingly irrelevant questions can be quite a dilemma for someone who is shy. In your case, you will have to make an effort to take the step and start the conversation, without it being able to flow spontaneously. When shyness begins to be a problem and approaches social phobia, it is possible that the person ends up avoiding these kinds of situations due to the discomfort they generate.

• You may be interested in: "Social phobia: what is it and how to overcome it?"

2. Give your opinion

We have all been in a conversation in which a topic on which each person has an opinion has been discussed. If you're not shy, expressing what's on your mind may be an easy task for you. However, a person who is may experience discomfort in conveying what you think to others. This is because intervening in the conversation means becoming the center of attention for a few seconds and even exposing yourself to the judgment of the other interlocutors.

3. tell anecdotes

The typical situation in a group of friends who are chatting allows everyone to share funny anecdotes. However, when one of them is shy, they may have more difficulty opening up and having their moment. In the course of the conversation you may prefer to be the one who listens to others, as this role is more discreet.

4. Introduce oneself

Another complicated situation for someone shy has to do with the timing of the introductions. Meeting a new person and telling them about yourself can be overwhelming..

5. Go shopping

Going to the stores or shopping at the supermarket are daily tasks that we all do. However, for a shy person It can be overwhelming having to ask the clerks for something, ask about the availability of a product or request that the purchase be gift wrapped. Even claiming a wrong turn can be a moment of tension.

• Related article: "Fear of saying what you think: causes, effects, and how to manage it"

The decalogue to know how to talk to a shy person

If you have a shy person in your environment, you may sometimes have doubts about how to address them. You want to talk to her and make her comfortable, but you also don't want to push. Well, to achieve this, it may help to follow the following decalogue.

• Do not be invasive: Trying to encourage someone who is shy to let go too effusively is not a good idea, since you will end up generating more stress. Respect his space and talk to him naturally, without forcing or harassing.
• Take the initiative: Shy people have a hard time taking the initiative, but that doesn't mean they don't enjoy conversations. Make the situation easier for him and be the one to initiate the interaction.
• Use what you have in common: One way to keep the conversation flowing with someone who is shy can be to look for common ground. If you know their interests, use them as a topic of conversation to break the ice.
• Make him feel important: Even if he doesn't like being the focus of attention, it will help him feel valued. Try to retrieve things that he has told you before or ask him about topics that he knows well, as this will make him feel more comfortable with you.
• Do not insist: If you notice that the person is very tense despite your attempts, he tries not to insist and respect her timing.
• Call him by his name: If you address that person by his name, you will immediately create a warm atmosphere in the conversation, making it easier for him to open up.
• Don't judge: Don't make assumptions about that person. Just because she's shy doesn't have to mean she's boring or obnoxious. Give him time to comment.
• Use social networks: If you want to know more about that shy person, you can use social networks to your advantage. Interacting in this way is less imposing than in person, which can make things easier at first.
• Don't fill the silence: Silence can feel awkward when trying to talk to someone who is shy. However, it is worse to try to fill the silences with empty conversations.
• Ask open questions: Open questions are those that lead to a long answer. If you turn the conversation into an interrogation with closed questions that only allow for a yes or no, you will not achieve a smooth interaction.