Should parents check their children's cell phones?

At this point there is no doubt that technologies are an inevitable part of our lives. We all have our own device from which we have access to the internet and, with it, to countless applications and social networks that connect us with the world immediately.

The transition to a technology-based life has been spectacularly fast. In a matter of a few years, we have built a reality in which screens are necessary to tasks as basic as doing bank transactions, contacting other people, looking for a job, making shopping…

This scenario may be new and overwhelming for those who lived through all these changes already in their adulthood and even in old age. However, those who are children and adolescents today have already been born familiar with the use of technology. For this reason, living without them is something that they could not contemplate even in the most remote of assumptions.

Young people these days seem to be hooked on their phones. The age at which they get their first mobile device is getting younger, so they access a world full of risks and opportunities without the necessary maturity to be able to manage its utilization. In this situation, many parents feel overwhelmed and choose to check their children's mobile phones. They know their passwords and do not hesitate to scan their conversations.

The reality is that when it comes to teenagers and technology, the ideal will always be to find a balance. In this article we will talk about how to find that balance and we will answer The question of whether parents should really check their children's cell phones.

Age does matter when using a smartphone

In general terms, experts in the field consider that The recommended minimum age to own your own mobile is 16 years old. Although each adolescent and her situation are unique, having a phone requires a minimum of maturity and responsibility. Before this age, children may not be fully aware of everything involved in using a device. In addition, they are more vulnerable to developing addiction towards its use.

Although this is what the experts indicate, the reality is that children increasingly begin to have their own mobile earlier. Many parents agree to offer it not so much because they are satisfied, but because of social pressure. The arrival of that moment in which all friends and colleagues already have one is increasingly precocious, In addition to the fact that today not owning a mobile is perceived as living in a state of isolation or in the same prehistory. Thus, the parents end up giving in, but they do so insecure and fearful of what might happen. Finally, they may end up checking the phone behind their child's back to clear up their doubts.

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The importance of educating in responsible use

Beyond the ideal age to start having a mobile phone, the truth is that many times parents also fail to provide a proper education in responsible use of technology.

Before making the mistake of checking your teenager's cell phone, it may be convenient to start by providing education about the use of technology. The role of adults should not focus on punishing, prohibiting and limiting. Rather, it should be aimed at offering a guide so that children know exactly what risks there are on the Internet, what guidelines should follow to use their apps responsibly and under what conditions should they inform their parents to ask them aid. The truth is that many adults allow their children to own a mobile without even knowing what social networks they use or who their friends are.

Educating children in this direction is a way to protect them. Look the other way and ignore everything that happens in networks implies leaving them alone in the face of quite considerable risks.

What makes you want to check your child's cell phone?

It is important that, as a father or mother, you ask yourself this question. You should think about what you are looking to achieve by skimming through your child's conversations. Have you observed a change in behavior in him? Do you think he spends the day glued to his mobile? Just curiosity?

Clarifying this point is essential, since many times the way to answer certain questions is not to spy on your device. Before abruptly invading her private space, it may be more advisable to ask her if something is wrong with her or what she is using his phone for.

Communication is key in any type of relationship, especially when we talk about the bond between parents and adolescent children. By talking openly with them it is possible to negotiate, get to know them, understand them and reach satisfactory agreements for both parties, without having to resort to strategies that give rise to tension and distrust.

Although they are minors and as such must be supervised, constituting a reliable figure for them that they can rely on is preferable to playing spies. Of course, if you are still trying to communicate with your son and notice that he is hiding something important from you, you can occasionally check his mobile. However, even in these cases it is better that you ask him for it yourself so that he does not experience that review of the phone as a betrayal behind his back.

In some cases, adolescents resort to abusive use of mobile phones because they find an escape route in it. If you think that your child can fit into such a situation, the ideal thing is that you try to stimulate and encourage her so that she has a satisfying life in reality. Do pleasant activities with him, encourage him to hang out with his friends, do sports or other extracurricular activities, etc. When there is boredom and emptiness, technologies generally end up being the most accessible outlet. Cultivating other spheres of your child's life will mean that she does not have to resort to the screen to feel better.

Sometimes, it also happens that adolescents have low self-esteem or problems relating to their peers. In these cases, the networks help them create a fictitious profile in which their insecurities are blurred and where they can interact more easily with others.

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Utilization contract: a way to find consensus and set limits

In some cases, It can be helpful to draw up a usage contract with the adolescent, which must be signed by the parents and the child.. The objective is that a series of clauses that include the guidelines that the son will have to accept if she wishes to be able to use her mobile phone are reflected in said document. Within the contract, issues such as the time of use or actions that should not be taken can be indicated. networking under any circumstances (make purchases without permission, send intimate photos to other people…).

By establishing the contract, parents can achieve more peace of mind without having to spy on their children's phone. In addition, this way adolescents know what the limits are and the proper way to use their networks.

Added to all that said, the contract is also flexible. This allows the conditions to be modified according to the new needs that arise in the family.

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The intensity of control should be proportional to age

As we have been commenting, spying on your children's mobile is not the best idea unless it is an exceptional situation. However, control and limits are always necessary to educate young people in responsible use of the networks.

However, it is important to bear in mind that the intensity of this control should be proportional to age. So, in early adolescence it may be useful to apply a parental control system or a mobile phone withdrawal in some time slots. However, as children get older, it is to be expected that their desire for autonomy will also grow. Therefore, parents will have to learn to negotiate and be more flexible.

conclusions

In this article we have talked about whether parents should check their children's mobile phones. The truth is that this is an issue that has concerned many adults for a few years. Today, most people own a device and networks are part of our daily lives. Today's teenagers have already been born familiar with mobile phones and other devices, which is why many seem to live completely attached to them.

Faced with this situation, many parents make the decision to check their children's mobile phones, have their passwords and read conversations. However, a priori and except in exceptional cases, this is not the best strategy.

Adolescents need to have supervision, control and limits, but they also require a space of privacy and to have the certainty that their parents trust them. Therefore, the ideal is to educate in responsible use of the mobile and establish clear limits, which can be made firm through a contract agreed by both parties.