The 6 assertive techniques to avoid unnecessary conflicts

Assertive communication techniques are not only a very good way to avoid burdening ourselves with the inability to express our needs and our feelings; In addition, they also serve to prevent the appearance of unnecessary conflicts.

This is an aspect of assertiveness that often goes unnoticed, because it is assumed that Assertive people, by the fact of being so, are doing a favor only to themselves, and not to others. the rest. However, going beyond this simplified image of what good communication is is important, both for adequately manage emotions to manage well companies, families, and organizations in general. that's why here I will explain some of the most useful assertive techniques to avoid unnecessary conflicts.

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness is one of the main social skills, and consists of having the ability to express and defend one's own interests, values ​​and opinions without giving in to the fear of making the interlocutor uncomfortable, and at the same time, respecting him and trying not to cause him unnecessary discomfort. In other words, an assertive person is one capable of achieving

a balance between respect for oneself and others.

In this sense, an assertive communication is closely related to the fact of being able to establish limits in front of others, express the disagreements before they explode into serious conflicts, and deliver bad news without letting time pass without daring to give that step.

• Related article: "The types of communication and their characteristics"

How is assertiveness related to unnecessary conflict?

At first glance, if we pay attention to a superficial definition of what assertiveness is, it might seem that assertive people They are characterized by not biting their tongues in any situation, having a strong attitude, or even trying to make their criteria prevail over that of others. others. Definitely, behavioral dynamics capable of easily generating discomfort, since they reflect a certain tendency to egocentrism, and consequently, to lose sight of the expectations and points of view of the rest, beyond trying not to use insults or very direct attacks or free. However, this does not reflect reality.

If assertiveness stands out for something, it is because of its ability to prevent the appearance of unnecessary conflicts. It is not only about worrying about not insulting or showing aggressiveness before the interlocutor; Putting yourself in the other's place must also be present and anticipate possible misinterpretations of what we say, or the emotional burden of the implications of what we communicate. Thanks to all this, assertiveness cuts "in the bud" situations of uncertainty in which they are not clear our intentions or the motivations that lead us to talk about a subject the way we do.

• You may be interested in: "6 Tips for Managing and Resolving Conflicts"

Assertive techniques to prevent conflicts

The first thing to clarify is that conflicts are not always something wrong; Sometimes, there is no other choice but to face them, such as when someone wants to undermine our rights. What it is about is not generating unnecessary conflicts, arising from misunderstandings or mismanagement of time. With this in mind, let's look at some assertive techniques to avoid conflicts that shouldn't have to occur.

1. Criticize the actions, not the essences

If you criticize the essence of people, speaking contemptuously of their "way of being", their identity or even their "nature", the conflict is served, and it is normal for a discussion to arise. But, in addition, this is an unproductive communicative style. Instead of that, critiques concrete actions, pointing out why they are problematic.

• Related article: "How to make constructive criticism: 11 simple and effective tips"

2. While criticizing, indicate ways to improve

If you didn't like something, don't just point that out; presents examples of how it could have been done better, to approach the problem from a constructive point of view and that it adds something of value to the interlocutor, while at the same time shows complicity and desire to do our part to come to a solution.

3. Anticipate possible misinterpretations

If you believe that your responsibility is only to unilaterally communicate what you want or what you expect from a situation, you will be increasing the probability of misunderstandings. Instead, anticipate how what you say will be interpreted based on what your listener knows and doesn't know.

4. Describe your uncertainties

It is not enough to express what you know about your state of mind. (opinions, beliefs…). You should also make known what you don't know and think you should know. In this way, you will all be in tune.

5. Combine the expression with the interest in knowing how the other feels

On the other hand, assertiveness also involves recognizing that communication is a dynamic and non-sequential phenomenon; listening is as important as transmitting information. For this reason, always maintain an open attitude and be willing to learn about your interlocutor, to adapt your communication style to what he does and says and avoid causing avoidable discomfort.

6. Don't assume the other is going to get defensive.

In this regard, expectations are key: if you expect a person to react hostilely to you, your way of communicating and expressing information through nonverbal languageit will make that person understand that he must be defensive because it is what is expected of her. Do not underestimate the empathic capacity and give the desire to collaborate a chance.

Are you looking for professional psychological assistance?

If you want to train your assertiveness and develop your social skills, I invite you to contact me.

My name is Tomás Santa Cecilia and I am a psychologist specializing in cognitive-behavioral psychology. I can help you in person or through online therapy sessions.