Why does knowing how to set limits in relationships reinforce self-esteem?

Many times we are not aware of the importance of setting limits in our interpersonal relationships. We try to be the best at everything and please the people around us and this makes us feel really exhausted. We find it hard to say the word "no" out of guilt and shame at being "bad people." Therefore, establishing healthy limits is crucial to respect yourself, take care of yourself, feel safe with yourself and, ultimately, raise your self-esteem.

Limits are considered expectations or needs that help us feel protected and comfortable in our social relationships.. After all, these reflect how you want people to interact with you and vice versa. As we mentioned, learning to say "yes" and "no" is a complicated task for many of us, but at the same time, it is essential to know how to establish good limits.

We must normalize setting limits as a form of self-care since it brings with it various benefits such as not allowing them to make decisions for you, not acting based on what what other people think by avoiding conflict, understanding that we are not capable of pleasing everyone, enjoying personal space and not overlooking faults I respect.

In today's article, we will discuss the importance of knowing how to set your own limits, knowing what is permissible for you and what is not, and ultimately, what it means to put these imaginary barriers in the self-esteem. stay to describe how poorly established limits may be affecting the consideration you have of yourself.

• Related article: "Do you really know what self-esteem is?"

Types of boundaries in relationships

There are different types of limits since each person establishes their own and this is completely normal and necessary. They are forged based on the values ​​and principles of each individual. In this regard, We can classify them into different types that we will mention below:

• Physical limits: They refer to space and physical contact. They are limits that change not only according to the person, but also according to their culture. A clear example is the way of greeting in different countries.
• Intellectual limits: Related to the thoughts and ideas of each person. For example, political ideologies, or thoughts or opinions of specific situations.
• Emotional limits: We talk about our feelings, what we share or not with the people close to us.
• Sexual limits: Here respect and desire play an important role since it refers to the rules that govern sexuality.
• Material limits: What you want to share and with whom in terms of physical goods such as a car, a house, clothes, etc.
• Time limits: The time I want to spend with a specific person.

Relationship between limits and self-esteem

When we mention limits, many people misinterpret it and directly think that this refers to imposing our ideas, values, ideologies and criteria on others. It is not about using words as a weapon and forcing the people around us to act as we want. Quite the opposite. It is about establishing healthy limits and thus letting others know exactly what we need without feeling fear of rejection. Likewise, we want to emphasize that we cannot forget what others feel and need from us.

How we see others and how we see ourselves has a lot to do with the limits we set. After all, these imaginary lines make up our identity, and consequently, our way of acting and being in the world. In addition, it frees us from the aforementioned need to like and like each person around us and thus we achieve that Negative feelings such as guilt, anger, or shame vanish and, in turn, increase self-awareness and confidence. self-esteem.

Self-esteem begins to be built during childhood and according to experts, it depends largely on the information that is coming to us from our environment that generally, the first years of life is understood from parents and brothers. And indeed, not knowing how to say that it is not closely related to low self-esteem. Of course, without limits one constantly boycotts oneself and this has negative consequences.

An individual with low self-esteem feels that they do not have the right to defend their own needs, and therefore, it simply reacts by inhibiting their presentation. Consequently, the person feeling without this recognition comes to consider that her needs are not as important as those of others and her inferiority complex increases.

Going one step further, the lack of limits due to low self-esteem leads the person not to take her needs into account, to do favors that in reality you do not feel like doing, you will establish relationships of dependency and even abuse and will end up affecting your quality of life and well-being staff. Deep down, they are people who do not know each other and therefore are not aware of what they want and need at all times.

It is clear that it is a process that needs time and perseverance and, perhaps, the keys to being able to draw the necessary limits and thus improve self-esteem are the good communication, respect and empathy.

• You may be interested in: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

How to set healthy limits?

First of all, it is important to know each other to be clear about our limits. We have to keep in mind that these change depending on the situation and the person we are with. However, it is crucial to have an immovable axis in order to realize when another person or even ourselves are trespassing. Once you have achieved this, it is important to activate the alarms and pay close attention. You must identify those moments that make you feel bad. Or, put another way, be aware of the situations that you are allowing something that takes you off your mentioned axis.

When having to express your limits, do so clearly and concisely. Do not justify yourself, or go around the bush and look for the right moment for it. Also, don't expect people around you to understand your limits at first. Not everyone is going to react in the same way and there is nothing wrong with this. Accept the reaction that the other person may have and avoid feelings of guilt. Remember that it is not your job or your responsibility to constantly make those around you happy.