The 6 Evolutionary Crises in Families

Evolutionary crises are imbalances around different moments of development that indicate that one stage has ended and another is beginning. There are different types of crises and in general, they would not have to be a bigger problem than a vital readaptation. However, the opposite can happen and constitute a serious problem of maladjustment and confusion for many people.

We are social beings, therefore, our life takes place in the field of interpersonal relationships. In this regard, it is not surprising that the family is so important and close and stable ties are formed within it over time. As in all groups, the family also goes through different stages in its life cycle and, of course, it goes hand in hand with the individual evolutionary development of its members.

Therefore, it is crucial that the family maintain intact throughout its life the capacity for transformation in response to the various changes and in the event that this does not happen, it will not be able to respond with functionality to the needs of each individual and that is when arise

evolutionary crises in the family context. Although it may seem negative, they are universal, expected and necessary in a healthy evolutionary process.

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Evolutionary crises in families

In today's article we will review the different evolutionary crises that occur within the family nucleus. Read on to discover the different stages that mark a turning point and favor the transition to a new cycle.

1. Initial stage of marriage

Forming a couple and deciding to live together in the same home is an evolutionary crisis. It must be taken into account that it is necessary to reach agreements on how to manage the relationship with the families of origin of each member of the couple, organizing practical aspects of daily life in common (domestic chores, managing the economy and leisure, etc).

It is quite a challenge to put aside the values ​​of the family of origin in order to adopt others more suitable for the couple, in a consensual and conscious way. In other words, the couple makes the difficult decision to separate themselves from parental influence.

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2. birth of a son

Having a first child is a clear example of a turning point for couples. The birth of a child generates great satisfaction, but at the same time, it implies a series of difficulties that lead the couple to reorganize their time and activities. In short, it means that parents have to assume a new role. It is normal that it is difficult to adapt to the new role, since From this moment on, the world of the parents no longer revolves solely around themselves or the relationshipbut in the newborn. They go from being two to being three and it is a strong change that entails many adaptations. The birth of the second or third child is also a strong turn full of learning and evolution.

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3. be grandparents

The arrival of a newborn impacts not only the parents, but also the larger family such as grandparents. They live their own evolutionary crisis. They must also adapt to new roles and have to maintain a balance between wanting to help their son and grandson and, in turn, respecting their space. In fact, it is common for conflicts to appear in this evolutionary crisis due to the difference of opinions of grandparents and parents when it comes to educating their children, the most appropriate times for visits, etc Grandparents may have very different ideas than the couple regarding the education of new family members and this can generate conflicts and tension in the couple.

4. adolescence of the children

In this stage the children grow and the parents accompany them and the conflicts caused by the transition to adolescence of the children are added. It is an extremely complicated stage for the family union. On the one hand, there is the adolescent trying to gain freedom and independence from his parents, which generates a lot of tension for each parent and between the couple. Conflicts may arise about how to educate the adolescent, how to change the situation and they may even begin to confront issues from the past. Of course, the family climate worsens significantly if there is drug and alcohol use, school failure and other critical situations.

5. Loss of a loved one

The process of mourning and longing is a clear evolutionary crisis. It produces a change inside the person, they do not necessarily change all their previous reality, but it does mean significant emotional novelties. It must be taken into account that each family has a particular way of coping with death, depending on whether they have had previous deaths, how they deal with pain, how they manage emotions and the way they deal with adversities. All this directly influences the individual grieving process of each one of the family members and consequently, the family as a whole.

The readjustment of the family system requires time and dedication on the part of each of the components to regain a new balance. After all, when one of the family members passes away, the roles and interactions change drastically. Many times, it is difficult to rearrange the family structure, since the pain of death and different dysfunctional ways of coping with it significantly complicate the process. For this reason, it is common for this evolutionary crisis to cause many families to lose their relationship or distance themselves after a duel.

6. empty nest syndrome

It refers to the set of thoughts and emotions that parents experience when their children leave home. It is something extremely common since that son that you had inside for nine months, whom you have raised and educated with all the love, you have lived their failures and successes as if they were yours, one day, decide leave. People call it "Law of Life", but it is still a duel with its stages of denial, anger, depression and finally, acceptance.

He empty nest syndrome It can affect one of the parents who has dedicated his entire life to her children, leaving aside other roles in their lives, creating a dependency on their infants and therefore, it is not surprising that when they leave home, the father falls into said syndrome. However, it can go a step further and the departure of the son from home could cause a conflict for the couple. They may realize that they do not know how to live together or that they no longer have anything in common, therefore, this makes them miss them much more and generates sadness.

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My name is blanca ruizI am a Family and Couple Psychotherapist, and I attend in person and online.