6 tips to reverse Impostor Syndrome

Have you ever found yourself telling yourself the following? "I've been lucky", "I'm not as good at what I do as others think", "My colleagues have everything much clearer than me", "Al first mistake they will realize that I do not deserve to be where I am", "I have to try harder and do things impeccably so that they see that I'm worth"...

You are probably suffering from impostor syndrome. This is not diagnosable but is characterized by persistent doubts that you may be experiencing regarding your achievements, abilities, and talents.. It is very heavy to live in this way, almost suffocating, since it generates anxiety, sadness, and a constant fear of being discovered as a fraud.

• We recommend you read: "The 5 profiles of people with impostor syndrome"

What is impostor syndrome?

Impostor syndrome is characterized by the ingrained belief that our achievements are undeserved and that we have deceived others., consciously or unconsciously, making them believe that we are more competent than we really are. The feeling is that we have been lucky or that external factors have helped us but not our own abilities.

Regardless of all the evidence that exists to show how competent and prepared we are, we will have an inability to realistically assess our competencies and abilities. But what factors contribute to feeling like an impostor?

• perfectionism: since it supports the idea of ​​never being up to the task with the consequent belief that one's achievements are never enough.
• Low self-esteem: since the negative perception of oneself and the lack of confidence perpetuate feelings of doubt about our worth.
• Fear to fail: since it intensifies the belief that any mistake or setback will reveal that one is a fraud.
• Tendency to compare yourself with others: since it reinforces the perception that others do have things clear but one does not, which leads to belittling one's own achievements.

People with impostor syndrome set unrealistically high standards for themselves and are often plagued by self-doubt. themselves, constantly feeling that they do not meet the expectations of the outside or that sooner or later they will be discovered as inadequate or insufficient for the roles they play. comply.

Where does impostor syndrome come from?

This is a question that my clients often ask me, as if by understanding it they could uproot this suffering. Why me? Why do others seem so relaxed and I feel like a mess? To which I always answer, let's look for that together to see what is behind that discomfort but then let's focus on all the actions that as adults responsible for our well-being we can take cape.

Broadly speaking, I could say that our interactions as children and adolescents in the family, in education, and in sports may have left a mark. My clients often tell me about the great pressure they felt at home or at school to be "successful", to "succeed", or to "win" and how this was giving rise to enormous internal criticism every time they felt that they were failing their reference elders.

Others have told me that their parents were always busy and that what brought them together was to comment on their academic or sports performance, with which any setback could make them lose that thread that united them and make them feel very "little". Families where my clients have experienced a lot of conflict have also often raised doubts about their worth, either because internalized that children with other realities were better than them, or because their own family made them perceive as "losers".

All these different forms of connection with our environment from an early age influence how we it weaves our personality in such a way that it makes us more prone to feel like one impostors. As I mentioned above: perfectionism, lack of self-esteem, fear of failure, and comparison with others intensify this feeling.

What can we do to alleviate and reverse impostor syndrome?

Here are the best tips:

• Challenge our negative beliefs: Identify in which area you doubt your ability and challenge these beliefs with positive experiences you have had that refute those ideas that limit you.

• Set realistic goals and expectations: Break very big goals into small parts that require you to take smaller, achievable steps. This will give you confidence and the feeling of accomplishment that you deserve.

• develop self-compassion: Talk to yourself as you would to the person you love most in the world, remind yourself of your strengths, and replace the voice of the inner critic with that of the inner coach.

• Develop a growth mindset: the impostor syndrome drinks from a very fixed and limited mentality. Be flexible, remember that mistakes and falls are information to learn, and that the success of others is a sign that we can all experience it.

• Develop coping mechanisms: Techniques such as mindfulness, journal writing, and physical exercise will soothe you at times when the impostor syndrome activates in you.

• Seek professional help: Dialogue with a coach or therapist will help you to understand yourself, to re-frame what is happening to you and to correct cognitive distortions so that you live with a greater display.

As I tell my clients, first of all remember that just because your feelings feel very real doesn't mean they are reflecting the truth. With the right help, you can get ahead.