Is there more trust in the couple in Open Relationships?

In recent years, an interesting debate has been generated around the possibility of establishing relationship models that are different from the more traditional or common ones. These focus on monogamous, closed relationships that function under a fidelity norm that many people and researchers are beginning to show the need to deconstruct.

Open relationships are sustained by mutual trust, they entail personal work to leave behind jealousy and embrace the freedom of possibilities and to establish links with other people, without this threatening or breaking your relationship. Every relationship is unique, whether open or closed, but one of the most important components for a relationship to work is communication; Limits must be correctly established to ensure the well-being of all.

Many people wonder if maintaining an open relationship means having more trust in the couple, although there is a whole school of thought critical of open relationships that he thinks are a way of taking advantage of your partner and their trust in order to maintain other relationships affective-sexual. Any relationship can work incorrectly and cause damage if constant communication is not established, seeking to correctly manage the emotions of both parties.

In this article we are going to talk about open relationships, trying to understand if they increase trust in the couple and in self-esteem, by fully trusting yourself and avoiding constant comparisons with other people. There are many ways to love and have relationships, and all should be respected. We recommend you enter this article with an open mind to understand these types of links!

What is an open relationship?

An open relationship is one that is established between two people who have a primary relationship and reach a mutual agreement to open and establish other types of relationships, normally focused on the sexual component, with other people without this implying a reason for infidelity or distrust. As we have been commenting from the beginning, the most important component of open relationships is communication.

In order to maintain this type of relationship, It is essential to establish defined limits on what each person wants in the relationship; what may be an open relationship for one couple may not be for another. Limits are subjective, and may be placed on casual sex, planned hookups, or just noncommittal kissing.

Open relationships are not as new and emerging a phenomenon as we may think. The truth is that there is a record of these alternative ways of relating since the 19th century linked to the anarchism of the time, in addition to making a special echo in the counterculture of the 60s and especially in relation to the LGTB collective, a pioneer in experimenting with more open and flexible relationships. In recent years, coinciding with the increased awareness of emotions and the importance of taking care of mental health, many People have begun to open up to this type of ties, experiencing that "something is missing" by building closed and exclusive ties.

Basically, like all kinds of relationships, open relationships are based on a mutual agreement, a kind of "contract" in which the conditions on which the link will work are established established. Each agreement or set of rules can be different depending on the relationship, giving an option to a whole set of possibilities to develop open relationships. It is possible to agree with whom it is allowed to relate outside the couple, with whom it is not, at what times, in what places, what kind of relationships it is allowed to develop...

Ultimately, open relationships mean everything. an exercise in assertive communication and trust; If there is no open and two-way communication that serves to express each person's emotions in a sincere way, the relationship will probably not work.

Differences with polyamory or relational anarchy

There are concepts or ways of relating linked to open relationships but that must be differentiated. These are polyamory and relational anarchy. Polyamory refers to the construction of horizontal ties with other people in addition to the main partner; It is not exclusively linked to sexual relations, but there can also be romantic relationships, always having one (or more) main partners.

Relational anarchy, for its part, is conceived as a lifestyle politics that proposes to apply the principles of social anarchism to relationships. This means breaking with the classic relational categories and building relationships far from regulations, power structures, authority and control mechanisms.

Some important differences between open relationships and these alternative forms of bonding are:

1. degree of infatuation

Normally, open relationships refer to sexual exclusivity, setting the limit in the construction of other affective bonds more related to falling in love. In polyamorous relationships or relational anarchies, infatuation ties can be maintained with several people at the same time, usually with the knowledge of all parties.

• You may be interested in: "What is love? (And what isn't)"

2. degree of privacy

In relation to the above, open relationships, in general, are limited to opening the possibility of being intimate. sexual, while polyamorous relationships are based on building romantic ties and not based exclusively on the sex.

3. degree of fidelity

In polyamorous relationships or relational anarchies, some kind of fidelity is expected towards the people with whom the set of relationships that form polyamory or anarchy has been established relational. However, open relationships involve fidelity to a central person, with the freedom to have sexual encounters or the limit that has been defined in each specific case.

4. Number of people

One key difference is the number of people who form the relationships. Let's remember that open relationships are between two people, a “classic” relationship. For their part, polyamorous relationships or relational anarchies include a whole group of people and even entire groups.

• Related article: "What is social psychology?"

Why is there resistance to this type of relationship?

As we have been commenting, maintaining an open relationship is an exercise in trust both in the other person and in oneself. Many people are reluctant to establish this type of ties, driven mainly by the traditional assumption of closed ties and maintaining a strong defense of fidelity. Delving into some mainly cultural reasons for why there is resistance or fear of having open relationships, these may be:

1. Fear of losing your partner

Many people feel that, by opening the relationship as a couple, they face the possibility that the relationship will break up or that the couple will leave them for someone else. This is nothing more than the result of insecurity in your relationship; any type of link, whether open or closed, can end at any time, and not for having a closed relationship you avoid the possibility that one member of the couple falls in love with another person. When a relationship is based on communication, trust and respect for boundaries, these threats or Fears are dispelled by the possibility of communicating all your emotions and emotional processes to your partner.

2. social norm

As we have been commenting, the social norm in terms of relationships has been dictated mainly by romantic love; the feeling that there is a "true love" or a "half orange” for each person. These beliefs are false and are based on the culture of honor and lack of self-esteem; the feeling that a relationship will “fix you” or make you feel better. All people are valid, whether or not they have a relationship.

3. Lack of communication

The main problem why most relationships don't work is a lack of communication. Many people do not know how to communicate what they feel or do not reach a level of total complicity with their partner..

For this reason, many times healthy limits are not established as to what each member of the couple wants, and this is what causes traditional infidelities; when limits are breached.

However, these limits should not be taken for granted without having spoken or defined them, the other person may not know what you want if you do not communicate it.

A different way of building relationships

In conclusion, open relationships are presented as alternative ways of building relationships, but that does not position them as better or worse than traditional closed relationships. It is true that, in general, open relationships bring a higher level of trust, communication and complicity than traditional relationships, since a lot of time is spent delimiting the limits and the things that will make the other feel better or worse person. However, This is not to say that closed relationships work without trust or communication.. Logically, there are also both components and they are decisive for a more or less healthy course in relational dynamics.

This article does not have the objective of discrediting or detracting from closed relationships, but rather to understand the open relationships outside of a traditional conception that alleges that they are sustained by lust or sex without control.

All relationships should be valid, and all of us should be self-critical about the way we relate to other people.