7 tips for emotional self-regulation

Being angry consumes a great deal of energy; This is considered one of the most difficult emotions to handle. Many people around the world let anger control their actions and consequently hurt themselves or others.

Fear is a mechanism that allows us to adapt to the environment and allows us to respond to threatening situations quickly; however, it can also negatively interfere and limit our growth or quality of life. Many people let emotions take control of their actions.

Despite them, it is not a good idea to try to contain them: Emotions don't just show up, these respond to some specific reason. But this also does not mean that we have to let them take control over our behavior. Emotions need to be managed by methods other than willpower, we are not going to stop feeling anger or fear no matter how much we want to.

There are different techniques that allow us to learn to regulate our emotions and allow us to develop this field of intelligence. These types of methods are based on a series of simple guidelines that allow people to find the right balance between expressing and containing feelings.

In this article We explain what emotional self-regulation consists of and we expose the different techniques that are used today to learn how to regulate different emotions effectively. We also discuss some of the most common obstacles that we may face in this learning.

• Related article: "What is emotional intelligence?"

What is emotional self-regulation?

In order to pursue long-term goals, we need to be able to control our behaviors and emotions, as well as our thoughts. This is known as emotional self-regulation. This term also refers to the ability to control impulses that can cause problems.

Emotional self-regulation is defined as the ability to respond to stimuli and manage emotions appropriately; this means being able to consider our actions before acting. This ability also includes a willingness to bounce back from disappointment, and to act in accordance with our values. It is part of the five main aspects of emotional intelligence.

Simplifying, self-regulation, at first, could mean understanding how to behave, this ability begins to develop in childhood. As they get older, children learn to control their tantrums, they are able to deal with uncomfortable feelings such as frustration in a "self-regulated" way. By learning to control these impulses in the early years of development, they can be successfully managed in adulthood. self regulation it is crucial both for emotional maturity and for the development of future social relationships.

• You may be interested in: "Emotional psychology: main theories of emotion"

How to develop a good self-regulation capacity?

Mature people have the ability to calmly consider their emotions, their environment and themselves. When facing different situations, they are able to regulate their own sense of identity.

In addition, the ability to self-regulate is crucial because it allows people to achieve their goals and ambitions effectively. It is important when it comes to achieving goals to know how to take time to reflect, develop a plan and wait calmly. This means learning to pause between the onset of an emotion and the action to be taken.

It is evident what lack of self-control can cause considerable problems. Many people face different difficulties derived from the lack of self-regulation, they include both children and adults. For example, a child or person who yells at others when frustrated will receive negative attention from her peers.

In addition, poor self-regulation can cause the appearance of other negative conditions such as anger, anxiety, low self-esteem and lack of confidence. This occurs due to the fact that adults with regulation problems also have difficulties managing stress and frustration. In the worst case, these adults with little self-regulation capacity can develop a mental health illness.

In general, people who have high levels of self-regulation usually also show the following characteristics:

• They act according to their values
• They know how to calm themselves down when they are upset.
• They know how to cheer up when they face difficulties or have a bad day
• They have a capacity for persistence, they do not give up easily.
• They always try to do their best.
• They are flexible, they have a great capacity for adaptability to different situations.
• See challenges as new opportunities
• They have a great sense of responsibility.

To the act in accordance with their core values ​​or sense of social responsibility, self-regulation allows people to express themselves adequately and is related to assertiveness. This is achieved by acting in a way that conforms to your personal standards and values. If a person values ​​academic achievement above all, a good self-regulation capacity will allow them to study instead of being distracted by other things.

Self-regulation has a positive impact on health, it has been shown that people with better self-regulation abilities have greater resistance to stress, lower cortisol levels and better overall health.

Success in life requires that people have a healthy system of self-regulation. However, self-regulation problems are common. These can arise early in a child's life, for example, a baby may have trouble calming down and regulating herself if she doesn't receive proper care.

Alternatively, a child may have difficulty self-regulating if he does not feel safe or secure, or if he is not sure that her needs will be met. Although these can develop at any age, this may be due to a lack of tools to deal with difficult emotions. These problems can have more significant consequences, even act as triggers for disorders, if they are not adequately addressed. Finally, very low levels of self-regulation are associated with risky behaviors and substance abuse.

• Related article: "Emotionally mature people: 6 traits that define them"

Practical tips for emotional self-regulation

As we have seen, the ability to self-regulate is essential for our well-being; however, most of us lack efficient strategies to use this ability.

Most people simply assume that children will naturally outgrow their tantrum phase. Although this is partly true, everyone, both children and adults, can benefit from learning specific strategies that help us regulate our emotions.

1. mindfulness

Numerous research studies have shown that, in addition to other benefits, the practice of mindfulness (or full attention) significantly improves attention span. This helps people regulate their negative emotions and improve their executive function.

By performing small acts of gratitude and practicing mindful breathing, people can learn to create distance between ourselves and our emotions. This also leads to developing a better ability to concentrate and a calmer state of mind.

• You may be interested in: "What is Mindfulness? The 7 answers to your questions"

2. art therapy

Self-regulation of emotions involves recognizing and understanding them. An effective way to do this is by using creative language to express feelings.

Art therapy consists of the combination of different artistic disciplines to express emotions and balance them. Thanks to artistic expression, people can give new meaning to their emotional conflicts. This is possible because emotions are reconsidered before being expressed through painting, crafts or writing.

3. simulated environments

To self-regulate emotions, environments that are not real, whether virtual or imaginary, can be used. By exposing ourselves to situations in which we feel vulnerable in a simulated way, we can evaluate the situation and our feelings, without so much nervousness. After understanding the emotion and why it exists, they can look for ways to replace or diminish it.

Certain psychological situations can be digitally recreated by psychologists or their institutes. However, this is not the only method available; To deal with circumstances over which they believe they have no control, people can use their imagination. This means describing or drawing what is happening. The objective is to determine the moments or stimuli that make them feel out of place.

4. regulate thoughts

Emotional responses can be changed by reinterpreting the circumstances surrounding a situation. This is accomplished through the cognitive reframing strategy, also known as cognitive reappraisal. This strategy involves changing thought patterns to change emotional responses to scenarios.

Research has shown that people who frequently use cognitive reappraisal in their daily lives experience more positive emotions and fewer negative ones. An example of this is when you consider the possibility of a friend not responding to your messages or calls. Instead of assuming they hate you, you can just assume they're busy.

4. acceptance of events

Self-regulation can be improved by implementing acceptance and problem solving strategies. Instead of doing this, people often employ useless strategies such as avoidance, distraction, suppression, and worry when faced with difficult situations.

• Related article: "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): principles and characteristics"

5. get grade

Being overly critical or demanding can make us overly sensitive to negative feedback or criticism. This negatively affects our self-esteem and capacity for self-assessment. It is important to maintain a realistic perspective, periodically evaluate yourself and remember everything we have achieved, it can be weekly or monthly. This allows us, instead of focusing on the negative, to focus on what we do well. By identifying our successes and sources of pride, we facilitate the relationship with ourselves and, ultimately, it helps us regulate our emotions.

6. show gratitude

Practicing gratitude and optimism regularly will drastically change our way of seeing life and emotions. These strategies have a snowball effect, they affect your attitude, which in turn affects the way you feel. Appreciate the good we have in our life daily, too decreases the frequency and intensity of negative emotions. Visualizing and projecting a pleasant future increases positivity and general optimism.

7. Don't overload yourself too much

Emotional self-regulation also includes avoiding excessive demands on oneself. This means facing the necessary conflicts, duties and responsibilities, but without overburdening yourself. To achieve this, we must learn to delegate tasks, establish limits in our relationships and express our needs assertively and at the right time.