How is self-esteem built?

Self-esteem is a term that has taken a lot of prominence in recent times, it is usually heard permanently that such a person has "low" or "high" self-esteem and from this define that all problems originate over there.

Indeed, Self-esteem is a fundamental part of our development and how we will position ourselves in the different areas of our lives..

What is self esteem?

Self-esteem is the assessment we make of ourselves, its construction is made from the perception of our qualities. People are not born with a defined self-concept, but it is gradually formed and developed throughout life to the extent that that is related to the environment, through the internalization of the psychological, physical and social experiences that people go through in their development.

The concept we have of ourselves influences how we feel, whether we value our abilities, our physical appearance, our behavior, how we relate to others, as well as the way we integrate past experiences and how we feel valued by our environment.

The image we have of ourselves is a key factor in understanding how we relate to each other, how We interpret what happens to us and how we face the challenges of the different stages of our lives. lives.

How is our self-esteem constituted?

Self-esteem is built from the bond with others, we can understand it as the degree of appreciation and appreciation that we have towards ourselves, and that is the result of the agreement or disagreement between what I am, what I think I am and what I would like to be.

We can think of its constitution from two lines, one is contact with the outside world: the messages we receive from childhood from our parents, relatives, friends, teachers. And on the other hand, the sum of the experiences lived in childhood influence how we perceive our reality in adult life, how we face our successes, mistakes, etc.

In the first moments of our lives, we receive a series of words and messages that make us feel more or less deserving of receiving affection and being accepted by others. At this stage it is extremely important to have at least one caregiver who provides us with emotional attachment, security and confidence.. The first experiences of satisfying our basic needs for food, cleanliness, closeness and physical affection for part of the adult who cares for us, deeply mark the feeling that the world is a safe place, or on the contrary, it is not. is.

As we grow, we begin to build our autonomy, we explore our closest environment, and depending on the facilities or inhibitions that the people around us offer us, we will be exercising the stimulus to learn new things and try our own capabilities.

At this point, a secure attachment will allow the development of a balanced self-esteem, feeling loved, accepted and valued.. On the contrary, if the child did not form a secure and satisfactory relationship, when they have transmitted that he has few qualities to be loved and valued, a belief system will gradually form that will distort the way in which life experiences are processed adult.

What to do with what they tell us we are?

So far, we have developed how self-esteem is built, and we have seen that our caregivers and the first years of our lives play a fundamental role. But we must ask ourselves, is that all? Will what we have been told and led to believe determine us without the possibility of changing it? The answer is not simple or unique, but we can risk saying no, that self-esteem is not an unalterable and rigid construction. Self-esteem changes and evolves throughout our lives.

Let's extend this idea, what happens to us as children and the influence of the words of others in the constitution of our self-esteem can condition our adult life, the beliefs we have about ourselves and how we relate to the world, but in no way determines. Since an important element begins to influence here, our self-construction, there is a point of freedom where we have to decide what to do with what they told us we are.

This is a fundamental point, we cannot change the story of our life, but we can change the way we interpret it.. Taking charge of what happens to us in life and taking the reins of what happens in it will allow us to position ourselves a different way, will give us the possibility to begin to value ourselves, to appreciate what we are and what we have achieved.

The self-concept that one has of oneself touches an aspect of identity and well-being that makes it possible to carry out healthy relationships with others, as well as with oneself. In all areas in which a person develops, be it study, work, personal relationships, they will be affected by the value that each one gives themselves, what they say about themselves. In other words, if one believes that he is stupid, useless or that others do not pay attention to him, that will mark his own judgment on how he will feel and the place he will occupy for the rest.

How to improve self-esteem?

In general lines we can mention certain elements that will help us to have a better relationship with ourselves:

• Reflect on our internal dialogues: In order to become aware of what we say to ourselves and why, it gives us the possibility of understanding the root of our beliefs to be able to take responsibility for ourselves and do something different from what we came for doing.

• Don't compare yourself to others: We tend to idealize the people with whom we compare ourselves, generating feelings of inferiority by highlighting only the traits that we feel are lacking.

• Identify your strengths: We all have qualities and characteristics that are our strengths, knowing what we are gives good allows us to gain confidence and begin to have a kinder and more secure look towards us themselves.

• practice acceptance: Getting to know each other, knowing what our abilities and limitations are, knowing where we come from and the history we we carry a cost, allows us to accept that there are things that can be changed and others that exceed our control.

To conclude, self-esteem is not something that we should raise or lower, it is a system that allows us to relate to ourselves. ourselves and those around us in a tolerant and kind way, being realistic with our possibilities and with those of others. the rest.