How to know if you are being gaslighted

In recent years and increasingly, we can see more information and awareness in relation to mental health and self-care on social networks and the media. Above all, a lot of awareness has increased about establishing healthy couple relationships, and how to detect when a relationship is built on a toxic foundation or as a result of insecure attachment styles.

Many people talk about gaslighting as one of the main red flags or calls for attention in relation to the attitude of a person you are dating or meeting for romantic or affective-sexual. Gaslighting refers mainly to the lack of affective responsibility, being an attitude through which a person ignores the bond created with another person, making them feel that they are to blame for this relationship reaching their end.

Behaviors such as gaslighting and the underlying situations can generate many insecurities and difficulties in the development of self-esteem. The effects of someone making us feel so insecure can last a long time and be decisive in building new relationships. For this reason, it is very important to know how to identify when we are being gaslighted, in order to establish limits and communication that makes the other person rectify and take responsibility.

In this article, we are going to provide some keys to detect if we are being gaslighted, along with some ways to understand why the other person develops these behaviors and what we can do to protect ourselves.

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What is gaslighting?

In order to be clear about the signs to detect gaslighting and keep ourselves safe from it, it is important to conceptually define its main characteristics. Gaslighting is considered one of the most insidious forms of psychological manipulation and the one that can have the greatest impact on the lives of the victims. This abusive tactic seeks to destabilize a person's perception of reality, undermining their confidence in themselves and their own experiences. The term “gaslighting” comes from the 1938 play “Gas Light”, in which a husband seeks to drive his wife crazy. of her wife changing the intensity of the gas-fired lights and then denying these changes when she told him indicates.

In gaslighting situations, the manipulator employs different strategies to achieve his goal. She may deny events that actually happened, change her version of events to confuse the victim, or question her legitimate memories and emotions. The manipulative person may even attack the victim's self-esteem, using constant criticism and belittling to undermine her self-confidence.

Gaslighting is not limited to personal relationships; it can also occur in work settings, social groups, and even in the public sphere. It is a tactic that seeks control and power over the victim by making her doubt her own reality. Recognizing gaslighting is essential to counteract its negative effects and preserve mental and emotional health. In the following sections, we'll explore how to identify the signs of gaslighting and how to protect yourself from its detrimental impacts.

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How do you know if you are being gaslighted in a relationship?

Identifying if you are a victim of gaslighting is essential to counteract its effects and regain your self-confidence. In addition, knowing how to set limits with these manipulative people will increase your self-esteem and your ability to build relationships based on security and that are healthy for you. Some signs to look out for are:

1. denial of facts

The manipulative person who gaslights they usually categorically deny events that have occurred or that they themselves have done that have harmed the victim, even when there is strong evidence to the contrary. They will make you feel that you are confused and you will begin to question your memory or if the person really did that to harm you or not, despite being convinced of it at first.

2. changes of truth

A handler will constantly change its version of events. He will modify his versions of his conduct and behaviors to make you doubt your own perceptions and memories. These changes of the truth will always question or disqualify your truth, making you understand or believe that the person who is lying is you.

3. creation of doubts

A gaslighter will question your legitimate emotions and perceptions. He will make you understand that he does not believe you and that your versions of the facts and reality are not real.. Signs of this may be saying things like "You're overreacting" or "I've never said that"; which makes you doubt your own interpretation of situations and reality.

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4. attacks on your self esteem

Constant criticism and belittling are basic tools in gaslighting. The manipulator ridicules your accomplishments, appearance, or decisions to undermine your self-confidence and make your behaviors and your perceptions align primarily with yours, further undermining your confidence in yourself and the validity of your identity.

Common dynamics of gaslighting

Although we have just mentioned some of the most characteristic action signals of gaslighting, it is It is important to know and understand the dynamics that guide the behavior of a person who manipulates through gaslighting. These explain the attention signals proposed above and will help you understand that you are not crazy and that your perception of reality is true.

1. Projection

Projection refers to the way a gaslighter projects their own shortcomings, insecurities, and behaviors onto you. Really, everything he can say about you and make you feel is more about how he feels about himself than what he feels about you. Accuse you of doing things that he or she is actually doing, making you feel guilty and confused.

2. Minimization

Your feelings and concerns will be systematically downplayed or dismissed as irrelevant. The gaslighter will make you feel like you are overreacting, which undermines your ability to express your needs and understand whether or not the way you feel is real.

3. Exaggeration

All kinds of situations, even the seemingly smallest and most insignificant ones, can be exaggerated by these manipulators to make you feel that your reactions are excessive or disproportionate. This increases your feeling of unreality and out of proportion.

4. Isolation

Normally, these manipulators seek to isolate their victims from friends, family and closest circles, since they these sources of social support would help these victims to get out of these relationships. This creates relationships based on emotional dependence, which facilitates the control that these people impose about your perception of reality, since you will not have external support to help you question these manipulations.

How to protect yourself from gaslighting

Protecting yourself from gaslighting requires emotional strength, self-awareness, and effective strategies. Recognizing and countering gaslighting is essential to preserving your self-esteem, confidence, and well-being in your relationships and in your life in general. By empowering yourself with knowledge and taking steps to protect yourself, you can free yourself from the clutches of the manipulator and rebuild a solid perception of reality. As a conclusion, some ways to protect yourself from this manipulation are:

1. trust your intuition

If something doesn't feel right or you notice a pattern of manipulative behavior, trust your instincts. Your intuition can be a powerful tool in identifying gaslighting situations.

2. keep records

Keeping track of conversations and events can be invaluable. Save text messages, emails or written notes support your version of events. This will provide you with concrete evidence if you feel that you are being manipulated.

3. seek support

Talking with close friends, trusted family members, or even mental health professionals can give you an objective perspective. Sometimes getting an outside opinion can help you see through the manipulations and regain your confidence in yourself.

4. Set clear boundaries

Don't be afraid to set healthy boundaries in your relationships. Communicate your needs and expectations clearly and directly. A gaslighting manipulator can feel uncomfortable when you stick to your limits and don't give in to their tactics.

5. Keep calm

Gaslighters often look for provoke strong emotional reactions and then use them against you. Staying calm and composed can thwart their attempts at manipulation.

6. Gaslighting Education

The more you understand about gaslighting and its tactics, the better able you will be to recognize it when it occurs. Do your research and become familiar with the common patterns of this manipulation to be better prepared to deal with it.

7. practice self care

Keep a focus on your emotional and mental well-being. Spend time doing activities that make you feel good about yourself and reduce stress. The stronger your emotional foundation, the harder it is for manipulators to undermine your trust..

8. Seek professional help

If you are caught in an intense gaslighting situation and it is seriously affecting your wellness, consider seeking help from a relationship and abuse therapist or counselor emotional. A professional will provide you with support and tools to handle the situation effectively.