Learning to manage criticism: how can it be achieved?

Human beings are eminently social beings. The vision we have of ourselves is, to a certain extent, a reflection of what the eyes of others reveal to us, and this is the main reason why criticism can affect so much.

This can work against us if we do not have tools that help us put the judgments of others in their proper place.. In this article we will review the techniques that help us limit the power and influence of criticism to which we are subjected. The objective is not that they do not affect, it is that they do not disturb us. And why not, strengthen ourselves before them.

Why does criticism affect us?

We are predetermined by nature to care what others think, in fact, we establish part of our value based on the opinions of others. Our self-concept is shaped to some extent by what others see and express about ourselves., which was very useful in the past, where our survival depended on being accepted and valued by the members of the community, few individuals managed to live in isolation.

Today, however, we do not need the validation of others to ensure our survival and in a society As globalized and hyperconnected as ours, having access to what others think can generate conflicts. It is convenient to learn to gain perspective to deal with these criticisms.

A somewhat hard truth is that the criticisms of others will affect us to the extent that we perceive some truth in them. If you feel the irrepressible urge to react when faced with criticism, it is because it has hit the target of a potential source of insecurity.. For example, if your house is extremely clean and tidy and someone comments that you are a disorganized bum, you will not give it the slightest importance.

It is when you have doubts about something, when criticism is felt the most. Negative emotions may trigger you, something normal that happens to all of us. But if you want to stop being so reactive, ask yourself: If something stings me, why is it? It is essential that you work on this aspect on yourself to feel good about yourself, because when you reach that point, criticism loses all its power. You cannot change the environment, it is not up to you that criticism cease to exist.

What you can change is the relationship you have with them, seeing them as opportunities for improvement. For this you have to know that you are your own judge, what you think of yourself (without self-deception) is what will define your level of serenity. If a criticism feels especially unpleasant, look at that aspect of yourself or your life that until now you have not stopped to look at..

What can we do in the face of criticism to learn to manage it?

The options are: give in, this is to lead a discreet existence, based on what others expect and give up desires own for fear of criticism (with the consequent loss of your self-esteem), or learn to take advantage of them, more desirable.

The first thing when we face criticism is to stop and think; Who issues it? It is not the same that criticism comes from your mother or a teacher who corrects you to teach you, than from someone who deliberately wants to hurt you.

If it comes from a loved one who wants the best for you but you are not attracted to the life that this person has chosen live, do not assume that corrective without reflecting since it will almost certainly lead you to that same life or similar.

This also works for when you receive advice, think about it before following the recommendations of someone whose life you don't want for yourself. If it comes from someone who lacks communication tools, they simply consider that the criticism has no other purpose than to fill an empty space and is as baseless as the one who throws it.. Someone who has nothing of value to contribute to a group and spends time talking about others is not a good guide to consider.

If it comes from someone who does it with the intention of hurting or controlling, understand that it is a person in general. discontent and that this discomfort that you feel has to drain it, so that more than reflecting something about you, it brings out your convulsive internal state. Understanding this subtracts a lot of power from other people's judgments. They may judge who they consider different, and this is even positive for you so, using critical thinking, you discover that there is no reason to get angry.

When a person improves in certain aspects, there are always people who will support them. Others will be inspired by trying to move forward alongside you. But sometimes, when after starting from a base of equality, one of the two people grows, the distance between them increases. If the one who has been left behind does not want to do the work involved in reducing said distance and this generates dissatisfaction, you may detract from the achievements of the other by trying to change your own perception of yourself in a way hint.

It is a normal phenomenon, identify it for what it is; a desperate attempt by the critic not to feel inferior. Seen like this, it seems more like a call for help than an attack. As a second step, it is reasonable to think about the content of the critique. Determine if there is something real in it that causes us friction and if so, remedy it.

• We can accept criticism and establish an action plan to improve that aspect that has caused us discomfort.
• We can apologize and be grateful for the learning that comes from having become aware of something that we had not been able to see.
• We can relocate it through a structured analysis that helps us clarify our ideas.

conclusions

In summary:

• Identify the criticisms that cause you discomfort.
• Analyze the veracity of what was said.
• Bring to light that part of the truth that bothers you and define how you are going to improve it. If the criticism is not true, logic dictates that we should not get angry since there is no relationship between what is said and us. On the other hand, if it's true, why get angry? it is more the statement of a fact than a criticism.
• Look at who criticizes you.
• Do not seek to expose the other. It will only worsen the perception you have of yourself. Focus on your actions and how to improve.
• If you care about the person, stay out of the way in public and opt for a quiet conversation in private. Misunderstandings are fixed with respect and talking.
• Do not apologize if you consider that you have acted correctly. Faking conciliation behavior at the expense of what you really think is a dishonest attitude that will not improve how you relate to yourself. Opt for a calm and honest dialogue in which you feel free to show your vulnerabilities. * Don't seek revenge, don't waste energy. It is better invested in acts that produce improvements and make you feel greater well-being with your own life.
• Ask for advice if you feel overwhelmed.

If we made an analogy and criticism was the arrow of the shooter, the disproportionate reaction would be proof that he has hit the target. The end would be to respond consciously and not moved by irrational impulses.

Analyze your situation through the use of reason and in order to release tension, use your sense of humor. It is a sign of emotional intelligence to know how to laugh at yourself. Finally, keep these basics in mind before you react rashly to hurtful comments:

• You can't be liked by everyone.
• Envy is nothing more than mismanaged admiration.
• The problem is not the criticism, but the interpretation you make of it and the decisions you make about it.
• What someone else thinks of you is not more important than the honest opinion you have about yourself.
• Act according to your values.
• Be consistent and if you don't like being talked about, don't pass judgment.