I don't know how to communicate with my teenager: what should I do?

What is happening currently is that parents are focusing a lot on giving their children math, physics, trigonometry, and more and They are leaving aside asking for the same pace of demand for the adequate development of self-esteem, empowerment, and social skills. and more resources necessary for adolescents to successfully cope with the real world.

Both adults in therapy with or without a diagnosis who at some point were adolescents and needed the unconditional support of their parents at that stage, parents who can focus on their emotional world, yes, if they had those sneakers that they wanted so much, yes, if they had those designer clothes that they demanded so much but what they could not name in words It was that they needed help to understand the world of teenagers, how superficial some things could be and how difficult it was to manage their emotions, not They understood why they were required to behave admirably when they saw that Dad was lying, Mom was not fair, or the teachers did not give substantiated answers about some things. requirements.

When there is a problem, parents focus the solution only on the adolescent working on it (what they lack, what they don't have) when many times the work is mainly with the parents., who still do not understand that if they generate a different response they will also receive a different reaction from their children. That is to say, if they stopped acting out of anxiety, depression, overprotection, demand, lack of flexibility, their children, not feeling attacked, would respond differently.

If you've read this far it's because something resonates with you. and he has already recognized that something is not right and that is the first step, getting out of denial because many parents know that they are not right with their children and do nothing to change reality. If you. You are reading this article because you have a clear objective and you are going for it.

Tips for communicating with a teenager

It is important to know that one cannot give something that one does not have, therefore, as has always been said, parents are the guides, models and counselors of these adolescents are the ones who have to give a model of self-esteem, empowerment, emotional strength and more to their children. So here are some guidelines to help you communicate better with your teen:

1. Remember you are the adult

What do I mean by this? That Your son is no longer a child and as a child he had certain characteristics that currently persist such as impulsivity, tantrums, tantrums and more. However, you He is the one who has to maintain control, he cannot “fall into” the provocations, sarcastic comments, and shakes that his son gives him.

2. You first

With your emotional self-control: You are the one who has to teach breathing techniques, relaxation, problem solving, assertiveness, and social skills by example. So if you You do not have all this repertoire, I suggest you work on yourself first. In individual therapy As the guide, because it will become increasingly difficult for you to deal with your adolescent who by nature is hormonal and emotionally unbalanced. “I want him/her to know how to control himself.” Remember first you. With the example.

3. Be an emotional support

In the same way that when his son was little and threw tantrums, you. She contained him emotionally, that is, he did not hit her or yell at her, in the same way she now understands him, he understands, accompanies you from serenity and peace to help you go through that situation of deregulation emotional.

But if you shouts, hits, punishes, humiliates, denigrates, will receive a defensive reaction in response. Now he is no longer a small, small child whom you She could carry him and take him, now she has grown up and around her is the “perfect” lover who does understand it, the vices, the video games “where I can escape from this world that does not understand me", or if I feel that I do not count on anyone because my own mother or father are not here for me, anxiety and depression.

4. Learn to listen

The first thing we usually do is lecture, close ourselves in our way of thinking, criticize, judge and in response our teenager puts up a huge wall and no longer wants to talk. “I better go with my friend because she understands me.”

5. Connect with your world

Adolescents have a different world than ours, different priorities, enter their world, be interested in their tastes and preferences, try to understand them, learn that video game that they criticize so much and share with your son an afternoon of video games, learn those songs that your son loves so much, I tried to do those dance steps that seem so “ridiculous”

6. Quality time

Go on dates with your child and participate in their world. Attend school performances, parent meetings, and other activities. They carry out every two months in the community, in the church, in the educational center, talk to their teacher, with their friends. As a family, have activities that you all enjoy doing such as board games, sports, traveling.

7. Get to know your friends

Promote activities at home such as dinner or lunch so you can meet your child's classmates., at home they can do group work, treat them with kindness and be open to getting to know them and helping them with some school work, participate actively.

8. Accompany him with his new experiences

Her first love, her first breakup, she/he doesn't know how to act, what to do, what to say, they just see in the television role models, they do not know how to handle peer pressure, they do not want to look “weird” and much less not be accepted.

Do you need professional help?

For more than 12 years I have helped parents and their adolescents raise emotionally healthy children.. At this age, timely psychological support is very important, not leading to serious pathologies only to intervene. On the other hand, there are also parent training programs, which are a set of sessions in which parents are guided in a detailed and specific way in their specific cases.