20 examples of assertiveness (to better understand this social skill)

Communicating and acting assertively provides many benefits for those who do. It is the best way to interact with others in different areas, work, sentimental, family and even in daily activities.

It is not only a way of saying things, but of living and understanding the world. Assertiveness is the reflection of a healthy self-esteem that knows how to set limits, who respects and listens to others. Here are some examples of assertiveness to understand this social skill.

Examples of assertiveness and assertive communication

Assertiveness is an ideal way to interact in a healthy way with others. An assertive person has the ability to express what he thinks and feels, without the intention of intentionally hurting others.

This social ability allows us to speak bluntly and without avoiding topics for fear of hurting susceptibilities. The assertive person is clear, empathetic, has clear limits and also knows how to communicate a message correctly. To better understand the subject, we give you these 20 examples of assertiveness.

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1. In a work meeting or among friends ...

Transcendent issues that involve you directly are discussed. Someone has a different opinion than you and you want to express your disagreement. An assertive phrase to begin to express what you feel without being perceived aggressively is the best option, Well, in this way you prevent the interlocutors from becoming defensive: “I understand what you are saying, but I am not agreement".

This sentence makes it clear that we have paid attention to what is being expressed, but our point of view It is different, it also leaves the door open to talk about what we believe and continue debating.

2. In your relationship there is some continuous situation that you do not like.

Perhaps your partner acts in a way that makes you feel bad, but remember that it is best not to assume that you partner knows what affects you, nor does they adopt hostile attitudes pretending that this should be account. It is better to express your feelings directly: “I have felt uncomfortable and I would like to talk about it”.

Being assertive implies having the ability to show what we feel without fear of criticism. An assertive person knows that his feelings are valid and that communication could help find a solution to his discomfort.

3. In a work situation, your boss is asking you for some changes ...

But the concepts seem to be confusing or not being clearly explained. Rather than be left with the doubt and move on, the best thing is to let him know that it was not clear to you, without necessarily say that he is the one who is not explaining things well: "I am not understanding what you are saying well, could you explain a little more?".

When things are not clear, before reacting defensively or making a rebuttal point, assertiveness allows us to request further explanations that allow us to understand in order to continue the talk.

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4. They are in a family reunion and your partner begins to be upset ...

When you ask him what's going on, he starts to complain about you or get defensive. However, it is not a good time to clarify things, before continuing the discussion it is better to stop it, letting it know what it is. important and that you are willing to resume the conversation later: “I think we should take more time to talk about this".

Sometimes discussions or work meetings begin to go places that do not contribute. It is time to pause for everyone to clarify their ideas, an assertive phrase can help everyone take a breath.

5. In your workplace you have been assigned more work than usual ...

While your partner's burden has been reduced, without this implying a salary increase for you. Given this, it is best to speak clearly, let it be known that you realize what is happening and that you request the disposition of the other to resolve it: "I feel that the situation is unfair and I would like to know how we can prevent this from happening"

An assertive person is not afraid to talk about what he thinks and feels. It also puts on the table a proposal or alternative. If the feeling is negative, it will always be better to accompany it with an option.

6. Faced with a situation that becomes unfair and incomprehensible ...

The best thing is to go to the people involved, show your opinions and at the same time show that you have a proposal to change things. It also takes an open mind to listen to the opinions of others. "I think that what happens does not benefit us and I have a proposal for that to change".

As in the previous sentence, there is a proposal, but it does not take into consideration only your feeling, it is expressing that what happens does not benefit a group of people and therefore shows a collective interest and not only individual.

7. If you have received any complaints, comments or opinions that are not pleasant ...

You have to answer them assertively. Before getting angry or defensive, you should take a minute to analyze what happened and let the other person who is willing to analyze what is said: “I appreciate your comments, I will keep them in account"

Sometimes it is not pleasant to receive criticism and it can take us a while to digest it, but far from reacting negatively, an assertive attitude is grateful and makes it clear that they will take into account what has been said, without implying that it will be carried out without prior analysis.

8. In the middle of an argument in the family, scolding begins towards the children ...

And also claims between spouses. All this may be diverting the subject to less constructive matters and in these cases it will always be good to take a break first. To suggest it, we can say with assertiveness: “I would like us to talk about this at another time.”.

When the assertive person is the one who needs a break, they are not afraid to ask. It is also a firm but gentle way of establishing that there is no time to talk about that subject, or that the forms are lacking, but that we are willing to return it more go ahead.

9. When you have to debate or discuss a topic with someone with whom you do not agree ...

You must have empathy and let him know that you are making an effort to understand where his position is coming from. It is important to start your arguments by letting them know: "I understand your position."

This is a very concrete example of an assertive phrase. Understanding the other is a fundamental part of the assertive attitude. And it is a good way to begin to express our point of view, preceding our open and conciliatory attitude.

10. You are new to an association or study group ...

Where an important issue is being discussed in which everyone should be involved. Far from feeling that you have nothing to say because you are new, if there is something you want to express you should feel confident in doing it. Let them notice that you are aware of your position without feeling ashamed: "Although I am not an expert on the subject, I want to express what I think."

It is always important to prepare and know about certain topics to make contributions, but the person of assertive attitude also knows how to recognize its deficiencies and still has the security of expressing what feel.

11. You are presenting a transcendent issue to an audience, but ...

When you ask them a question related to the issue at hand, no one answers and they even seem uninterested. Before bothering you and making them feel that they are the ones who are wrong, you can use this assertive phrase: "It seems to me that I am not getting them to understand my point and I would like to explain it better."

This assertive phrase expresses that you are not blaming others for not understanding, you assume the responsibility to express yourself in a better way and request the necessary attention to be able to do so. This is comfortable for the interlocutors and thus avoids a closed attitude on their part.

12. In your workplace they have asked you to be part of a plan ...

To deal with someone who seems to upset a lot of people. You know that not participating in this plan could make you a target of peers, but you are not willing to participate, so you can be firm and say: “I am not willing to agree to that, I hope my reasons ”.

Being assertive is knowing how to set limits and knowing how to say no when necessary. Without further explanation and perhaps requesting respect only as a form of attention to oneself. In this way, it is made clear that our refusal has reasons behind it beyond whim.

13. If someone has invited you to a party or meeting ...

It is best to be clear and confirm or decline the invitation always with courtesy and appreciation. You do not have to be ashamed to reject an invitation, on the contrary, you have to be willing to be clear: “Thank you for the invitation, but I see the need to reject it for various reasons. reasons"

Assertive people aren't afraid to say no. However in the awareness of not seeking to hurt others or be empathetic, they know that a "Thank you" is effective to be kind but clear and concrete.

14. When an injustice is being committed in one of your close circles ...

It is often difficult to expose the situation for fear of feeling vulnerable, however it is always important to speak and be clear, you can start by saying something like, "I know I have the right to ..."

In the workplace it is essential to be assertive, because on the one hand we must contribute to a suitable climate but also not allow abuses or injustices towards us. A good way to express any disagreement is by expressing that we are aware of our rights.

15. A family situation happens that makes you feel uncomfortable and sad.

For example, a divorce is happening between your parents and although you understand their reasons, their attitudes begin to feel hostile and they seem to ignore that you are in the middle. You can ask them to talk about your emotions by saying, "What happens makes me feel bad and I consider that something must be done to change it”.

Assertive people know that no one can read their minds, so they have no problem expressing who feel bad about something and do not shelter in hostile attitudes waiting for someone to guess.

16. Your boyfriend (a) has shown a strange attitude ...

Especially on certain occasions when it comes to living with your friends. Although you asked them at the time, they have denied that anything strange happened. If you keep feeling a strange attitude, it is best to take some time to talk about it and tell him: "I have noticed that this makes you uncomfortable, I want us to talk about what we can do"

Just as an assertive person knows that he must express his feelings, he also has the sensitivity and empathy to understand the discomfort of others. In a friendly way you can open the door to express yourself about your feelings.

17. You have noticed that there is a problem in your workplace ...

... And you have come up with a solution that seems good, that could put an end to such a problem. You should have no doubts about expressing it openly, she finds the right moment to request a hearing and she expresses with determination: "I have a proposal that I would like you to hear."

Assertiveness is also about being firm and decisive. Ideas can be expressed clearly and concisely without leaving anything hidden or pending. A good way to start is with a phrase similar to this, which makes it clear that we have something to say.

18. You are the boss in your current job when ...

Someone who is part of your team has approached you to make an observation about something that in their opinion is not working, and also brings a proposal. It seems to you that the proposal is not very viableHowever, the matter was not simple and she was the only person who took the initiative to talk about it. It is important to acknowledge this fact: "I appreciate your honesty."

When someone has had the courage to be honest, especially on complex or sensitive issues, but has also done so assertively as well, we must have the tact to thank her for her honesty.

19. A salesperson comes to offer you a service or product ...

That seems to be tailor-made for you, but you are not willing to make the expense at that time. You are sorry that the seller took the time to analyze your needs and offer you something suitable, but it may not be your time to make the purchase. Don't be afraid to be clear and ask for a little time: “I'm not sure, can I take some time to think about it?”.

Sometimes we don't have the calm or the time to make decisions. If we are assertive, we will know how to ask for time to analyze things without submitting to the pressure of having to say something without having thought about it.

20. A coworker tells you that she disagrees ...

About older peers having the best parking spots and her reasons for you to join her. However, it seems to you that it is fair that people with more time in the workplace, have some benefits as a reward for their loyalty. Don't be afraid to be honest: "I see the situation differently."

This example of assertiveness is very clear about the possible meeting of ideas. Whenever there is a debate, the attitude and assertive communication allows a better expression of ideas. This phrase allows us to establish that we assume that we see things in a different way and not that we think that the other is wrong. There is a subtle but significant difference that steers the conversation on a more positive side.