The 10 differences between self-pity and victimhood

Anyone throughout her life has gone through complicated situations (p. g., the pandemic that began in 2019 due to the coronavirus) and, even so, millions of people have managed to stay strong and motivated to get out forward, what could be called "resilience", which is the ability of people to get ahead after going through moments traumatic.

Faced with difficult situations, there are two very different perspectives on dealing with them, self-pity and victimhood; For this reason, it is important that we know what the differences are between self-pity and victimhood.

A resilient way to emerge stronger from difficult situations is related to “self-compassion”, which is that ability to recognize that you are is going through a bad time and this generates discomfort, but without martyrdom, since if so we would be talking about a term known as "Victimhood"; and it is that they have frequently become related, although in reality they are very different.

In this article we will explain what are the main differences between self-pity and victimhood.

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The key differences between victimhood and self-pity

Next we will see 10 differences that allow us to differentiate self-compassion and victimhood analyzed from the field of psychology and Mindfulness.

1. The attitude of the person

One of the main differences between self-pity and victimhood is that self-compassion carries with it an active attitude, since the person is motivated towards improvement, towards change or towards finding solutions to the difficult situation that he is experiencing. When a person takes a perspective of a complicated situation from self-pity, he allows himself to be distracted, to escape with activities healthy and enjoyable like reading, writing, or even expressing your own emotions, even crying if you really need it to Unburden; But avoid complaining without doing anything.

On the other hand, ** victimhood implies a passive attitude, which carries with it an emotional anchor ** because the person does nothing in order to find solutions, improve in some aspect that allows the person to feel powerless. When a person adopts a vision of a difficult situation from the victimhood, they usually show sad, complain about the situation that has touched you without doing anything to keep yourself busy with something that really fulfills you and stop lament.

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2. The purpose of each

One of the notable differences in self-compassion and victimhood is that self-compassion allows a person to have a sensitivity to themselves when they are living a complicated situation, giving herself time to express and understand what he is feeling, and thus seek what he needs in those moments, taking care of herself in this way, this being the main purpose of the self pity.

On the other hand, Victimism carries with it a purpose on many occasions to attract attention people closest to you in order to get their attention and, once this is done, they may continue to show their complaints to them, which could give feedback to take an attitude from victimhood to any future problem, without trying to do anything by himself to better deal with that situation and get out ahead.

3. Possibilities that each one can offer us

Self-compassion, as it is conceived in psychology and Mindfulness, encourages self-knowledge, since allows the subject to have a vision from introspection in difficult moments, so that you can know what feelings it generates and what are the measures you think you need to take and what you should allow for your self-care. This perspective will allow the person a very valuable learning about himself.

However, another of the differences between self-compassion and victimhood is that when the subject faces a situation from victimhood, he actually would not be facing it directly, but rather would be avoiding the situation because he does not opt ​​for introspection and self-knowledge in order to know what feelings they generate Really. This perspective will encourage the subject to blame external factors and not examine how he really feels. and what is in your power to get ahead of an adverse situation that is causing you discomfort.

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4. Adaptation possibilities

Self-compassion enables the person to adapt and emerge stronger from complicated situations, that is to say, that it approaches the situation from the resilience; While victimhood makes it difficult for the person to adapt to the situation and, therefore, could come to feel a greater degree of discomfort as time passes.

This is another of the main differences between self-pity and victimhood; Furthermore, when this complicated stage ends, the person who faced that situation from the victimhood will need more time to recover and move forward.

5. The internal dialogue that occurs in the person

The internal dialogue that occurs in a person from self-pity is usually related to the understanding of what they are experiencing from a compassionate perspective, leading you to speak to yourself within his thoughts in a positive and constructive way. This is another of the differences between self-pity and victimhood, since in the latter the internal dialogue would be approached from a negative view, so that the person is tortured by what is happening to him, instead of reproducing the situation from a perspective resilient.

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6. Degree of suffering

Another of the differences between self-pity and victimhood is usually the degree of suffering that each one generates in the same complicated situation.

From self-compassion, by taking an attitude of serenity, self-care and comfort towards oneself, the vision is more optimistic so actions are usually carried out that allow going in the right direction, so the degree of suffering is usually less and there is always the consolation of thinking that you are going on the right track and the bad situation will be temporary.

On the contrary, from the victimhood, by having a defeatist attitude and choosing to complain about what is happening, and may even come to blaming other people, the degree of suffering not only does not stop, but it could continue as the regrets continue.

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7. Results obtained

One of the most important differences between self-pity and victimhood are the results obtained when choosing to face difficult situations or vicissitudes from each of them.

From self pity when facing a complicated situation in an active way, choosing to seek activities towards the improvement or the search for solutions so that a greater degree of well-being and self realisation; While from the victimhood the person remains stagnant in complaints and suffering, so that it has more difficulties to come out strengthened in the face of adversity.

8. Generosity vs. Selfishness

One of the differences between self-pity and victimhood is that self-pity, as it is conceived in Psychology and Mindfulness, entails having a vision of generosity towards oneself and even more so when going through difficult times, in such a way that they opt for self-care and the search for well-being.

On the other hand, from the victimhood, sometimes a selfish attitude could be adopted when the person, in addition If you play the victim of what is happening to you, you may end up blaming other people for what you happens.

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9. Authenticity vs. Handling

From Mindfulness, self-compassion is seen as a genuine vision of gratitude and generosity towards oneself.. On the contrary, victimhood can lead the person to exaggerate the suffering in order to attract the attention of other people, being able to get to the manipulation of these to obtain some benefit, and here we find another of the great differences between self-compassion and victimhood.

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10. Degree of resilience

After knowing several of the main differences between self-compassion and victimhood, we can see that self-compassion allows the person gives the person a capacity for resilience to face complicated situations in an adaptive way and emerge strengthened from the herself.

Instead, from victimhood, By choosing to cling to the role of victim without taking the reins in search of the solution of their own problems, it is very difficult for them to acquire a capacity for resilience and come out stronger.

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How to avoid having a vision from the victimhood in the face of difficult moments

Now that we have seen the main differences between self-pity and victimhood, we turn to a brief decalogue of guidelines to avoid falling into the role of victim in difficult situations:

• Become aware of the situation and analyze the feelings and thoughts that it generates.
• Do not become obsessed with the origin, since sometimes it is more useful to find solutions than to be obsessed with the past.
• Avoid complaints and choose to see the positive side, analyzing what we can do to get ahead.
• Avoid giving pity to others in order to attract their attention.
• Do not blame others for everything that happens to us.
• Analyze and recognize what the responsibility of oneself has been in that complicated situation.
• Take on all our responsibilities as adults and get going.
• Take charge of our own situation and act towards solving our own issues.
• Set yourself a series of realistic and achievable goals, and go towards them step by step.
• Be grateful and take advantage of what you have, instead of continually complaining about what you want.