The 90 most ingenious phrases of Groucho Marx

Julius Henry Marx, better known as Groucho Marx, was recognized as one of the greatest comedians in history, as well as an influential figure who revealed the reality of the world between his jokes, in a way that made people reflect through laughter.

Also known for being a successful actor in black and white cinema with his brothers, he is, without doubt, a memorable character and to whom we will pay tribute in this article with the best quotes of his authorship.

• We recommend you read: "70 funny and witty phrases to laugh at"

Most interesting and funny quotes from Groucho Marx

Get to know life through the humor of this witty comedian in these phrases.

1. These are my principles. If you do not like, I have others.

Not everyone will accept you as you are. But you should not change for that to please them.

2. I must confess that I was born at a very young age.

Sometimes we can feel that we are living in the wrong time.

3. There are so many things in life more important than money... but they cost so much!

Money may not be everything, but it is very necessary.

4. If you can talk non-stop, you will end up with something funny, bright, and smart.

Don't be afraid of your capabilities, instead, explore them.

5. Outside of the dog a book is probably man's best friend, and inside the dog it is probably too dark to read.

Through books we obtain diverse knowledge.

6. In my next life I would like to come into the world with the brilliant intelligence of Kissinger, the fabulous good looks of Steve McQueen, and the indestructible liver of Dean Martin.

A fun combination of the people Groucho looked up to.

7. I would never accept membership in a club that admitted someone like me as a member.

Despite never apologizing for what he was like, he admitted that his attitude wasn't always right.

8. It is better to be quiet and look silly, than to speak up and clear your doubts for good.

Will it be correct to be silent all the time even if you know the answer?

9. And who are you going to believe, me or those cheating X-rays?

Talking about who will have the truth.

10. Quote me saying that I have been misquoted.

Groucho wasn't afraid of naysayers.

11. The bad thing about love is that many confuse it with gastritis and, when they are cured of the indisposition, they find that they have married.

Apparently Groucho wasn't a fan of love.

12. Politics is the art of looking for problems, finding them, making a false diagnosis, and then applying the wrong remedies.

Politics seems to bring more problems than solutions.

13. I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I retreat to another room and read a book.

A reference to the damage television does to people's education.

14. Don't think ill of me, miss, my interest in you is purely sexual.

Not everyone is interested in something beyond casual sex.

15. Are you not Miss Smith, daughter of the billionaire banker Smith? Not? Excuse me, for a moment I thought that she had fallen in love with you.

Noting people's interest in those in good standing.

16. Of course I understand. Even a five year old could understand it. Bring me a five year old kid!!!

There are things that everyone can understand because they are too obvious.

17. Excuse me if I call you gentlemen, but I just don't know you very well.

Looks are deceiving.

18. What would he do if he could go back to living his whole life? Try more positions.

What would you do if you could live your life again?

19. There is only one way to know if a man is honest: ask him. If he answers yes, we already know that he is corrupt.

There are people who brag about being honest, just to keep up their appearances.

20. When I die, let me be cremated and ten percent of my ashes to be dumped on my employer.

Talking about all the exhausting work.

21. Pay the bill? What an absurd custom!

What do we pay the bills for? Have you asked yourself?

22. I drink to make people interesting.

A reference to drunk people tending to make a fool of themselves.

23. I guess I had to invent waterbeds. They offer the possibility of drinking something at midnight without danger of stepping on the cat.

Referring to the amenities.

24. Behind a great man there is a great woman and behind her his wife.

A comic reflection on infidelities.

25. Marriage is the main cause of divorce.

A half reality. Not all marriages are successful.

26. Well I have had serious doubts regarding life before death. I believe in death during life.

A reference about living in misery and unhappiness.

27. Why should I care about posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?

There is nothing good in worrying about the future.

28. From the moment I picked up this book until I put it down, I was thrown into fits of laughter.

Alluding to the moment he found his way into comedy.

29. You never sit down at parties; someone you don't like can sit next to you.

Warning about the bad relationships that we can establish anywhere.

30. Why and how did you come to have twenty children in your marriage? - I love my husband. - I also really like my cigar, but from time to time I take it out of my mouth.

An irreverent irony about not understanding why people have so many children.

31. My son, happiness is made of small things: A small yacht, a small mansion, a small fortune ...

Small things only hide big wishes.

32. Sorry I didn't get up.

Referencing his epitaph, as he mentioned that this would be his legend in this. Although in reality, he never wrote to her.

33. Why do they call it love when they mean sex?

Many tend to confuse the direction in which relationships are going and thus create great hurts.

34. Stop the world that I get off.

Let no one stop you.

35. The secret of success lies in sincerity and honesty. If you are able to simulate it, you are done.

Not all successful people are as humble as they claim to be. But they can pretend it.

36. Either you have died or my watch has stopped.

Talking about stagnation.

37. Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Is the military really smart?

38. He says that… the contracting party of the first party will be considered as the contracting party of the first party.

A boss will always be a boss.

39. Why was I with that woman? Because it reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me of you more than you do.

This phrase teaches us that, sometimes, we tend to generate a fantastic and unreal image of someone, whose personality is completely different.

40. Marriage is a great institution. Of course, if you like living in an institution.

Marriage is not for everyone.

41. I plan to live forever or die trying.

It is possible to be immortal with the work we do.

42. Laughing at everything is stupid. Not laughing at anything is stupid.

You have to know when is the best time to laugh.

43. Laughter is a very serious thing.

Talking about the importance of humor for people. Laughter actually has many benefits for our health.

44. The hardest thing about old age is finding someone willing to scratch your feet.

On the difficulty of getting old, although he also takes it with humor and without worry.

45. He can look like an idiot and act like an idiot. But don't be fooled. He really is an idiot.

Idiots are idiots no matter in what context they develop.

46. One for all and all for me, me for you and three for five, and six for twenty ...

We cannot always count on all those who say they will be there for us.

47. I never forget a face, but with yours I am going to make an exception.

It is better to forget someone we do not want to have in our life.

48. A (stolen) billiard ball, a silver pill box, and a celluloid chest.

Mentioning the inheritance he received from his ‘millionaire’ uncle and for which he obtained his name.

49. I know hundreds of husbands who would be happy to go home without a wife waiting for them.

Groucho was not a believer in marriage, as he thought there was only unhappiness in it.

50. Don't you want to carve out a future for yourself? - "No, if for that I have to go to school."

Responding to his mother about his decision to drop out of medicine to be a comedian.

51. The last news I had from them is that they had gone to the Côte d'Azur, to play cards with my lawyer.

Relating his scandal with Warner Bros.

52. Humor is possibly a word; I use it constantly and am crazy about it. Someday I will find out its meaning.

The sense of humor is, together with the parameters of beauty or morality, something subjective.

53. I don't have time for lunch today. Bring me the bill directly.

It tells us about the consumerist life we ​​lead, focused on making money in exchange for our health and the abuse of the exploiting bosses.

54. Remove the wives from the marriage and there will be no divorce.

Referring to women in marriage, they become unbearable.

55. Only cheap is expensive.

It is better to pay only once for something of quality; to pay many times for something "cheap".

56. Remember, sir, we are fighting for this woman's honor, probably much more than she ever did for herself.

Talking about the lack of confidence in women to defend themselves or value themselves.

57. During my formative years on the mattress, I indulged in deep musings about the problem of insomnia. Realizing that soon there would be no sheep left to count for everyone, I try the experiment of counting portions of sheep instead of the whole animal.

Sleep is one of the most important and satisfying things in life, but there are those who cannot do it due to their current conditions.

58. I had a great night... But it was not this.

At all times, there are days when we enjoy a lot, unlike the less fortunate.

59. The other day I came across two lions and I subjected them… I subjected them to a series of begging and crying.

There are those who enjoy humiliating others, just to show that they are above them.

60. It took me so long to write the review that I never got to read the book.

Sometimes we get so focused on performing acts that we forget the main reason for doing it.

61. Anyone who says they can see through women is missing a lot.

For men, a woman is a world, something that is never quite known.

62. I am not a vegetarian, but I eat animals that are.

Clarifying in an irreverent way that he was not a vegetarian.

63. A judge always married me: I should have demanded a jury.

Getting married involves a very important decision that we must make with a cool head, but letting the heart do its part as well.

64. It's silly to look under the bed. If your wife has a visitor, she will most likely hide it in the closet.

We should not look for reasons or problems in the most obvious places; we must always see and think beyond.

65. Age is not a particularly interesting issue.

Age does not change someone's essence or personality.

66. I have struggled to get to extreme poverty out of nowhere.

A reference to the Great Depression, in which he lost much of his money by investing in the stock market.

67. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, which doesn't say much in your favor.

Not always 'beautiful' people are people we really want to know.

68. I can not say I'm not disagreeing with you.

There are always arguments and discussions with which we may or may not agree.

69. I know of a man who encountered so many people in the closet that he had to get divorced just to find a place to hang his clothes.

A funny reference to infidelities in marriage.

70. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

The important thing is to enjoy life, instead of worrying about age.

71. I think it's a good idea not to spend your life trying to please others.

Pleasing others only brings disappointment and unhappiness.

72. Being on a ship is like being in a prison with the possibility of drowning.

While some enjoy the sea, others feel that they are in constant danger.

73. Let's toast our girlfriends and our wives!… May they never meet!

Insisting that men are not satisfied with having only one woman in their lives.

74. Would you wash a pair of socks for me? It's my way of telling her that I love her.

A sarcastic vision of what love is like between a couple.

75. If you don't please yourself, you will end up not pleasing anyone. But if you please yourself, you may please someone else.

To give everything to a person it is necessary that we take our time to know ourselves.

76. Some time ago I lived with a woman for almost two years until I discovered that her tastes were exactly like mine: we were both crazy about girls.

As the comedian clearly states in previous quotes, we never quite meet people.

77. A blind date can turn into a pig with a hat and a woman's purse.

Blind dates can be an interesting experience, as well as a traumatic one.

78. My mother adored children, she would have given anything if I had been one.

Not all children have the opportunity to enjoy their childhood.

79. He has gotten his beauty from his father: he is a plastic surgeon.

Not all beauty in people is natural.

80. Women who only stand out for their looks don't tell me anything... In fact they don't speak to me.

Here, Groucho reminds us that physical appearance is not everything in a person.

81. Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

We know that military forces do not seek justice, only benefits for themselves.

82. I'm not sure how I became a comedian or a comic actor. Maybe it is not. In any case, I have made a very good living pretending to be one of them for many years.

Many times we don't even know how we ended up getting where we are. Life takes too many turns.

83. Everything I am I owe to my great-grandfather, old Cyrus Tecumseh Flywheel. He was a great man; if he still lived, the whole world would talk about him... why? Because if he were alive he would be 140 years old.

It is important to recognize the people who help us to be who we are.

84. Politics does not make strange bedfellows. Marriage yes.

Again, we can see the rejection of marriage by the comedian.

85. If you keep having your birthday, you will end up dying. Kisses, Groucho.

The further life progresses, the closer we are to dying.

86. True love only comes once in a lifetime... and then there is no one to take it away

There is only one true love, both as a couple and the ideal job.

87. Even when I'm joking, I'm telling the truth. And it's not a joke.

Expressing truths accompanied by humor should be mandatory.

88. If women dressed for men, stores would not sell much. At most one pair of sunglasses every so often.

Many times we will only be able to demonstrate our full potential under pressure, with difficult circumstances.

89. Many years ago I came to this country without a nickel in my pocket. Today I have a nickel in my pocket.

Referring to the fact that it is possible to get ahead.

90. A black cat crossing your path means that the animal is going somewhere.

There are people who are guided by superstitions and ignore the facts of reality.