The 6 types of guilt and their emotional effects

Human beings are social and emotional animals, something that is evident in our capacity for empathy. Through this ability, which is not exclusive to our species, we can put ourselves in the shoes of other people, understanding how they feel.

But with empathy also comes the ability to feel guilt, an emotion that usually arises when, after having said or done something harmful, we regret it and start to feel bad because we know that we have caused harm to another person, although not we would like.

There are several types of guilt according to what is its cause and how it affects us on an emotional level, typologies that we will see in more depth below.

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The main types of fault (classified)

The fault is a human feeling that, despite being unpleasant, undoubtedly forms part of our being. There are many things that can awaken us the feeling of guilt, sometimes real and sometimes the product of suspicions and unfounded ideas. There are people who can feel guilty because something inside tells them that they are doing things wrong, despite having no objective reason to believe it.

But why do we feel guilty? The fault (worth the redundancy) is ours empathy. People are social and emotional animals. Throughout our lives we go through a whole maturation process in which we learn to feel and handle all kinds of emotions, allowing us to regulate both our own internal states and understand them and know how to see them in other people.

Empathy is what allows us to understand others, being a fundamental aspect of our social life. By understanding how other people feel we are able to establish deep ties, as well as knowing how to relate to them. For example, if we see someone sad, it is normal for us to try to support them, encourage them emotionally. On the other hand, if we see her in a bad mood, we may avoid interacting with her at that moment, since she is not the right one.

But even though we try to treat others in the most appropriate and prosocial way possible, sometimes we don't. Whether it is because we are in a bad mood or are not aware of what we do and say, it can happen that our actions harm others. It may be hostility, aggressiveness, or simply carelessness, but regardless of what it has been, we have hurt someone's emotions. At that moment our capacity for empathy makes us feel how the other person feels and, as a consequence, the feeling of guilt appears.

1. Healthy guilt and neurotic guilt

We can say that There are two main types of guilt depending on whether the cause that causes it is easily identifiable or not. The ideas of healthy guilt and neurotic guilt drink much from psychoanalytic theses, being present in the development of the first modern psychological theories.

1.1. Guilt heals

We begin by talking about "healthy" guilt, the one that we can feel on a more daily basis. It is the type of guilt that arises after feeling that someone has been hurt and therefore has an easily identifiable cause. It is the regret that is felt when we have said or done something that, later, our empathy has made us see that it was wrong to do it.

It is that same empathy that pushes us to repair the damage and prevent it from happening again.. It is in this idea where we can see the functionality of guilt from an evolutionary perspective, motivating us to establish compensatory behaviors, prosocial behaviors to correct the mistakes that have damaged our relationships social.

It is usually accompanied by attempts to prevent and repair what has been done, since the person knows that he feels bad because he has done something wrong, that the responsibility emotionally falls on her and she has a moral obligation to fix the situation, even with a mere excuse.

However, sometimes there is no possibility of repairing the damage. This can be a problem, as guilt-building work can turn these feelings into persecutory guilt, and the impossibility repair or elaboration can lead us to seek a punishment by way of exoneration, a masochistic behavior that can aggravate our state psychological.

1.2. Neurotic guilt

From a psychoanalytic perspective, we speak of neurotic guilt when the feelings associated with guilt do not seem to be connected to any causative reality. Despite not knowing the cause of the feeling of guilt, the truth is that guilt is still felt in the form of a heavy burden that accompanies the person who constantly feels guilty.

Since it is not known where this guilt comes from, it is very difficult for the person to get rid of this emotion through compensatory behaviors. Who has he hurt? What has he done? It can be fixed? These questions go unanswered, but he still feels guilty and his life can turn into a nightmare.

It may also happen that you do know what is the cause of your guilt, but there is no human way to make up for anything because he feels bad about something he did in the most remote past of his existence, this is childhood. As children we do things that, as adults, we know are not right and that, although we are aware that children are unconscious of their actions, we feel bad for those little girls who, although innocent, caused harm to other people such as our parents or siblings.

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2. Types of fault according to the cause

Now that we have discussed the two main forms of guilt according to whether the cause is identifiable or, on the contrary, it is very hidden in the layers of the unconscious of the person who feels guilty. Now, we are going to see the four main types of guilt according to what specifically causes them, also commenting on the emotions involved.

2.1. Guilt for not properly preventing

In this type of guilt, those who feel guilty wish they could have avoided the circumstances as they occurred, but he could not.

For this reason, he feels very responsible for the things that happened, so much so that takes responsibility for problems that did not really depend on him and that, therefore, he did not have at any time the ability to solve or avoid.

It is the fault of an internal locus of identity and produces a lot of anxiety, frustration, depression and feelings of uncontrol in your life.

2.2. Guilt for unresolved issues

It is the feeling of guilt arising from issues that are considered to have not yet been resolved and that you do not believe is possible to find any solution.

It is the typical guilt that some people suffer during mourning for the loss of a loved one, feeling that there were issues pending and that death prevented closing them, anger and fights that had not yet been settled with a sincere and pleasant "lo I feel".

This is also the guilt that one feels for not having been kind and loving enough to that person who is no longer there.. The person regrets very much for not having given more kisses, hugs, signs of affection to show how much he loved that person that death has taken from his side. All this brings with it a lot of sadness, melancholy and frustration.

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2.3. Guilt for feeling like you don't meet expectations

This is the guilt felt by many people raised in environments where the bar was set very high. Everyone wants to meet expectations, but their degree of connection with reality makes them aware that there are certain things that cannot be achieved either due to lack of talent or simply because you cannot have everything in this lifetime.

Unfortunately, there are people who demand a lot of themselves, too much. In order to satisfy the wishes of their demanding parents, they feel that they must comply with everything and more, but they cannot and that causes them a lot of frustration. They fear rejection, the disappointment of others and, since they have not achieved everything they wanted, they feel like failures.

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2.4. Guilt for fear of rebuilding life

Another guilt associated with grief is fear of rebuilding life. Whether you have lost someone because she has passed away or you have broken up with him or her, many People feel guilty for enjoying life after the outcome of the relationship. They believe that they do not have the right to rebuild their lives or that, if they do, it is as if they betray that person.

Positive and therapeutic behaviors such as laughing, feeling happiness and joy for having a good day, meeting others people may see them as something inappropriate, something that will make them forget the good time they spent with someone they no longer this. These beliefs are typical of a person who has a very restrictive concept of love.

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And how to make guilt disappear?

The reasons behind our feelings of guilt can be very varied. What makes us feel remorse can be very varied, which implies different possibilities for solutions. Sometimes this feeling cannot be completely eliminated, but it can be managed, and at least from a more rational, understand that everything in our power has been done to correct the damage that we have (or believe) that we have done.

Repair

By repair we speak of the series of actions focused on repairing the reality that we have altered. In other words, it consists of trying to alleviate the damage that we believe we have caused, in the form of actions or in words, to other people.

For this we use compensatory behaviors of all kinds, such as apologizing to the victims, paying what we have broken or do personal favors to that person or people who have felt some kind of discomfort for our guilt. With the passage of time, our feelings of guilt will diminish.

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Elaboration

Elaboration is the phenomenon consists of the psychological work that our mind does, reasoning, understanding, remembering and looking for the relationships between the thoughts that overwhelm us and they cause us these feelings. This guilt reduction strategy aims to progressively transform the unpleasant experience of guilt into an experience of growth and maturation, which leads us to turn this feeling into one less painful.

Elaboration work is essential in any psychological consultation. The feeling of guilt, both with an identifiable cause and when it is not so clear, can be a problem for your mental health and therefore should be treated in the consultation as one more symptom. By helping the patient to elaborate on the guilt of it, it will be possible to obtain faster relief, in addition to learning from what caused it.