How to combat separation anxiety: 3 keys

It is a reality that divorces and breakups are becoming more common. While a few decades ago both social pressure and the claim that romantic relationships last indefinitely did that the idea of ​​separating was not attractive, today the costs associated with going their separate ways are much lower, and the advantages are increasingly more.

And it is that with the liberalization of affective ties come new options when it comes to facing the future individually and unilaterally, but this fact is not without problems. Separation anxiety is one of them. After all, as much as ending a relationship is less and less rare, in most cases it is still an anxious and unpleasant experience, sometimes even traumatic.

Now... how do you deal with all those negative feelings when a story built in common fades? Let's see some keys that help to properly manage emotions in these cases.

• You may be interested: "Why is it so difficult for us to get over a breakup?"

Dealing With Separation Anxiety: The Other Side Of The Breakup

Wherever there has been an honestly felt relationship that comes to an end, an emotional blow is received. With the break comes a true paradigm shift both physically and psychologically. For example, when we go through an experience like this, the way we perceive ourselves changes. themselves, but our routines also change, including the physical places we are accustomed to move.

Now, the fact that almost certainly separation will affect us emotionally It does not mean that we have to resign ourselves to suffering in any way, giving up the possibility of regulating those emotions in the most appropriate way possible. Below you will find several tips and reflections that may be useful to combat the anxiety for breakup.

1. Mentalize yourself: there is no better half

Much of the suffering caused by separation is simply due to cultural reasons we still have very high expectations about what love-based relationships should be Romantic.

The idea that partners are predestined to meet and that by joining together they form a kind of inseparable unity proceeds from magical thinking traditionally linked to religion and, although in certain contexts it could be useful (times and places in which there is no a tightly knit family that provided stability could lead to death), today it has lost all its meaning in much of the world. world.

Therefore, it is good to think that while it lasted it was very important to us, the universe does not revolve around a relationship that has ended. Therefore, the world continues to make sense even though that person is no longer by our side.

• Related article: "The myth of the better half: no partner is ideal

2. No one is essential to be happy

Do you know the begging the question fallacy? Is about a reasoning error according to which a conclusion is reached from premises in which the conclusion is already implicit. For example: the mind and the body are part of the human being, so the mind and the body are two different things.

When couple breakups occur, the people who are going through the grieving process caused by the absence of the other tend to fall into a begging fallacy, although this time directed towards emotions.

This reasoning is usually the following: that person who gave me happiness has disappearedSo I can't be happy anymore Viewed superficially, this reasoning seems to make sense, but if we examine it a little more deeply, we realize that the premise assumes something highly debatable: that happiness was given by that person, as if it were a source of vitality.

The error succeeds in believing such categorical statements based on emotions and sensations typical of a stage of emotional instability such as rupture. In those moments, our perception of things is so altered that we are able to believe that the truth about our life has been revealed after years of being hidden in the shadows. Belief in these kinds of catastrophic thoughts It causes a lot of anxiety, but we shouldn't let those ideas get the better of us.

3. Move in a different way

With the break comes change, that is undeniable. You cannot separate yourself from your partner and act as if everything remains the same. More than anything, because under these circumstances, as we will not have the possibility to continue doing our lives as we did, in practice what we will do is not act at all. Adopt a totally passive attitude, do nothing, and letting sadness, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts take over.

Therefore, you have to be consistent with the situation and change your habits. Embracing change is about finding new hobbies, meeting other people, and moving to other places. The change in routine will make it more difficult to fall back into that vicious circle of obsessive thoughts typical of rumination.