Sex: 5 reasons not to have sex

"Sex is the most fun you can do without smiling"

-Woody Allen

Undoubtedly, sex is a source of positive stimuli, of self-knowledge, of pleasures of various types and an activity that by releasing dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin helps to increase well-being and self-esteem.

But there are times when sex becomes our enemy, a "chore" that is related as a cause or as a consequence to low self-esteem.

5 times when sex can lower your self-esteem:

1. Infidelity

The first case is the one that has been talked about the most since monogamy was practiced. From Sternberg's perspective of love triangle based on intimacy / passion / commitment, it is understood that a couple who share these three axes should not have deficiencies that make them seek emotions and sensations in another sexual partner.

The infidelity It is a hidden action, outside the limits of a previous agreement, an attack on the trust of the couple and of course, generates a feeling of guilt and in most cases anxiety and a drop in self-esteem when you feel that you are betraying someone you love, so your idea of ​​yourself It gets worse when you see how you do not show positive attributes such as loyalty, empathy, sincerity and fidelity.

Did you know? The introvertsthey are more likely to be unfaithful!!!

2. Sex to raise social self-esteem

Social recognition releases dopamine and endorphin, so a very powerful extrinsic motivation is to act so that people identify yourself as a successful individual, achiever, alpha and many people use sexual success as an immediate lift to its social self esteem.

In this case, there is also a “reification” of the sexual partner, since it becomes a simple number, a tool to be able to continue at the top of the social pyramid that values ​​sexual success as a merit to be taken into account account.

Although it is true that this assessment helps to improve self-esteem, it is a double-edged sword, since you are building a self-esteem based on an external valuation and you will be generating a sexual and social identity dependent on that appreciation. That is, it is more than self-esteem, "other estimate”So it is very unsound and makes us captives of the opinion of others, leaving aside our own sexual identity and being slaves of what people expect of us.

Did you know? Self-esteem also has a sexual dimension Y is defined as the security or confidence we have regarding sex.

3. Sex as a way to get affection or attention

If in point two we talked about the individual who has sex to obtain the approval of the group, in this case it is about people with great lack of affection and that from experience they have learned that in many cases before, during or after sex they obtain that affection even for a short period of time.

It usually occurs in cases where self-esteem is very low in addition to having a small social circle or a few low social skills to demand affection from their environment. So to get that affection, they exchange sex for a time of interest or affection.

This is one of the most tricky cases because the person has to learn to ask for affection from their environment when they need it, to be more assertive to be respected and above all to love herself more. Precisely this profile is the one that most often becomes a "number" in the list of those who use sex to increase their social self-esteem.

Did you know? It is shown that there are tricks to increase self-esteem considerably in a week.

4. Sex addiction

Like all addictions, every time you fall into the behavior to which you are addicted there is a drop in self-esteem and a feeling of emptiness and guilt. In addition to a fact that is popularly unknown and that is that the sex addict (or hypersexual) has such high awareness that enjoyment is minimal.

In addition, this addiction falls into the category of behavioral addictions such as addiction to work, internet or sports risk, where the addiction is not to a substance in itself but to the substances that are generated in the brain when performing the activity.

As in all addictions, there is a psychic dependence, an increase in tolerance and a withdrawal syndrome. In view of which, having sex as a compulsive activity completely loses its pleasant side.

Did you know? All behavioral addictions are related to a low level of self-control, not only behavioral but also emotional.

5. Sex so as not to face problems

Another that has to do with couples. All couples have conflicts. Without exception. Accepting it is a must in order to build a healthy relationship. Some of these conflicts are so complex that people are totally unable to resolve them, even though the conflict without resolution can turn into a time bomb.

Well, many couples mistakenly learn that sex is a patch ideal to cover up that conflict and end the discussion with a sex session. As if that sex, being pleasurable, means that the conflict has ceased to exist. And, in the most behavioral way possible, they regularly incorporate sex into their ritual of problem solving.

This negatively influences our personal self-esteem in the medium and long term, since the conflict that we do not know how to resolve will appear periodically in our life as a couple, becoming an element that can directly affect the selfconcept.

Did you know? The couple therapy in a very high percentage of cases it focuses on helping couples to improve your communication.