Why is it so difficult for us to find a stable partner?

Our current way of life greatly complicates our ability to maintain quality relationships. Daily stress, lack of time, continuous problems, difficulty meeting people... all this makes it difficult to meet that person we long for.

However, culturally, we are taught and pressed to find a partner. It is a simile of success to have love in our life, and to have a "happy" family. This makes us compare ourselves with others and that we do not understand why it seems that others have a wonderful life while ours is not.

Does having a partner really complete your life? Is that what you want? And if so, have you ever wondered how you would like that relationship to be? If the answer to all those questions is yes and you can't find that person you would like to have in your life, don't stop reading this article.

• Related article: "How do you know when to go to couples therapy? 5 compelling reasons "

Difficulties finding a partner and long-term relationships

First of all, do you really want to have a partner or is it because of social pressure that you need it?

This is something you really need to ponder.

A life in common implies sharing and living in balance. With love and serenity, sharing hobbies and enthusiasm. Building together and knowing that all relationships go through difficult times, routines, fatigue and problems to overcome and work together so that love does not fail. Are you willing to do it? Or is it just because you are alone? Is it something you really want or do you feel you have to do because of social pressure?

It is as worth living "with" as "without" a partner. It is your choice and you have the full right to choose what you are really happy with. However, if it is something that you want with all your might and you have not achieved it, or you have not achieved a healthy relationship, we are going to analyze what may be happening.

What's happening to us?

Sometimes, it becomes very difficult to find the right person for us. What is the most that costs you?

• Find opportunities to network and meet people like you.
• Knowing how to choose or identify the best people for you.
• Get liked or attracted.
• Overcome the barriers of the first moments and flirt / flirt.
• Maintain a stable relationship (you only have sporadic relationships).

Whatever difficulty you find, we can examine it and find a way to fix it. In reality, many times we generate problems ourselves, and that is something fundamental to be able to advance. That is why, from psychology or from a highly effective coaching process, we can find the root of the problem.

Usually, many of the difficulties are based on our fears: to failure, to commitment, to be betrayed, not loved, hurt... And this causes that we ourselves eliminate many people as candidates, or that we do not even try to have those relationships.

There may also be the problem of a lack of self-esteem, shyness, lack of time, etc. These elements can lead us to these situations:

• You don't look good enough for anyone.
• You do not know how to meet people, or directly, you do not dare to take the step (at least in person, and you only establish relationships online).
• You have a hard time approaching others in person.
• You only have sporadic relationships when what you want is a stable relationship.
• You attract a type of person that you don't want.
• When you do manage to have relationships, in the end, they are always problematic.
• You leave relationships because you see signs that something may go wrong and you leave before they hurt you

Why is it so difficult to find our "better half"?

Some aspects that influence our ability to establish stable relationships are as follows.

1. The self-concept of ourselves

If our self-concept is destructive, the product of a low selfsteem with which we do not love or see ourselves enough for anyone, that will cause fear to relate to others. It will also prevent us from exposing ourselves for fear of the opinion of others and of being despised. That it will prevent us from having a good social network that allows us to create emotional ties and opportunities to meet that person that we crave.

2. Fear to fail

Fears paralyze us and prevent us from succeeding in everything we undertake. This includes relationships with others. If we fear that it will go wrong, it will go wrong.

3. Fear of being hurt

If we have had previous relationships in which we have suffered and we keep that suffering alive, it will be very difficult for us to allow anyone to approach us or that we simply judge it objectively. We must learn from what happened to us, but not live forever in pain.

4. Shyness / Introversion

People with highly introverted personal characteristics have greater difficulty (or resistance) to having social ties. It is more difficult for them to interact with others and they do not have a good time in certain situations, causing avoidance behaviors and, sometimes, isolation.

5. Fear of compromise

Sharing our life with another person implies changing our own. It means adapting two lives for the sake of the union, and not all people are willing to change or adapt. It can be something temporary (for the moment that we are living), or that our independence prevails in front of everything and that is incompatible with having a stable partner.

How can you prepare to find and keep that partner?

If you really want to have a life as a couple, the first thing you must do is heal your wounds, whatever they may be. Strengthen yourself psychologically, work on unconditional self-esteem, develop social skills, clearly define what you want and what you can offer. All this will make you also have healthy relationships, without emotional dependence, and avoiding toxic relationships and / or mistreatment of others and ourselves.

In short, if we want others to love us, we must start by loving ourselves and offering our best version, in addition to preparing ourselves to overcome possible difficulties. For this, it is very important to follow these guidelines.

1. Work on you (turn to professional help if necessary)

It is better to spend some time and a small investment in your happiness than to spend your life regretting your bad luck, or how bad everything is going for you.

2. Heal your wounds

Only if you overcome your past can you have a future. Analyze what happened and what you could change. Do not mistreat yourself more or hurt people for things that happened to you and you have not overcome.

3. Overcome laziness and get out of your comfort zone

It's hard to start over, but only if you try will you have a chance to succeed.

4. Enjoy the road

If you really want to find that person who complements you, keep in mind that this it is a path of resistance, not speed. Try it, enjoy the people you meet, discard those who give you nothing, laugh at what happens to you, enjoy the little moments. Success is not only in the result, it is also in what you do. Reward yourself for your attempts, for your progress. It all adds up. That person will come.

5. Is there a harmony between what you are looking for and what you really need?

You must ask yourself these questions to know which person to choose and make the best decisions for your happiness and the happiness of the person with whom you share your life.

6. Create reasonable expectations

Don't create idyllic situations in your head. Life is not fairy tales, life is the sum of many moments of happiness that sometimes escape us without even seeing or appreciating them.

7. Work with your internal dialogue and your beliefs

"I will not be able to find anyone that I like", "it is impossible for anyone to notice me"... Learn to question beliefs like this.

8. Online search is overwhelming

Applications of this type involve interacting with many people, which in turn, interact with each other. It is very important to manage this process in the most appropriate way.

How do you make a relationship go well?

The objective of finding a partner is to build healthy relationships by managing and improving everything that we have been commenting on throughout this article, that is: working on unconditional self-esteem, developing skills, working on our internal dialogue and strengthening ourselves themselves.

If you want to have a completely happy couple relationship, click on the link where I expose several very effective guidelines for this.

And, if you decide to embark on this world, I can help you to work in all these areas, in addition to generating strategies to find the partner you want, improve your communication processes, value yourself and others accordingly, manage anxiety and frustration, enhance your strengths, maximize achievements and minimize failures, help you with your appointments, and that you finally find that person you have so much wanted. And above all, to maintain and take care of the relationship for which you have fought so much. You can achieve everything you want. Only if you let your fears out will you let your dreams in.