How to mediate a conflict, in 5 steps

Many of the problems that human beings have have to do with failures in the way we communicate. That is why it is important to know how to mediate a conflict.; something so simple can be applied in many situations in which the people in conflict have more interests in common than they realize.

In this article we will see some fundamental tips to mediate conflicts, disputes and clashes that may arise at work, in the family, on the street, etc.

• Related article: "12 tips to better manage couple arguments"

How to mediate a conflict in 7 steps

Follow these guidelines to best face the challenge of mediating a conflict. Keep in mind that each case is unique, and much of the success you will have will depend on your ability to adapt your strategy to the specific context in which you will be intervening.

1. The basics to get started

It is important that from the first moment you follow these fundamental guidelines that you can apply throughout this mediation process.

Take into account what they know about you

Do the people you apply mediation to know you? What do they know about you and your opinions or beliefs?

If the answer to the first question is "no", then you must introduce yourself and make your intentions clear, which are none other than helping the parties involved reach a solution to the conflict that harms both as little as possible or even benefits them.

Regarding the second question, if they already know you, you should analyze if any of the parties involved in the dispute may suspect that your opinions or sympathies are on the side of the party perceived as enemy. In some cases, even It can be negative that someone initially believes that you are going to be on their side, as soon after you will be frustrated to find that not necessarily. Therefore, you must prove that you take the role of mediation seriously by showing that you can understand (although not necessarily share) each party's point of view.

Be clear about your goals and acknowledge the conflict

When it comes to mediating, it is very important to be clear that you have to try not having an avoidant attitude towards these types of problems. Even if you do not argue or attack, judge or criticize others, you must make use of the assertiveness to show that you are someone in the same hierarchical position as the rest. You must communicate through your speech and non-verbal language that you know there is a conflict and that you know that the people you are dealing with know it too.

That means you don't have to pretend that nothing is wrong, or adopt a condescending or overly optimistic attitude, as if the dispute were not real.

Express a serious but conciliatory attitude

In general, your tone has to be serious, although not cutting, and your non-verbal language has to be open and rather relaxed, so that this attitude is contagious at least a little. Also, if you see that people who have a conflict share some of their non-verbal language that has no hostile implications, it is good that you imitate it subtly; for example, leaning forward in your chair, rather than leaning fully on the backrest.

2. Take some time to calm down

Many times it is important, first of all, to help those who argue to calm down. To do this, he makes it clear that this moment is dedicated precisely to that, to be silent, free from the duty to explain what happens, until a point in which he regains his composure arrives. enough to engage in a constructive dialogue.

This, in addition to having a physiological effect on the state of people (causing, among other things, their heart rate to drop a bit and not so aggressive), has the psychological power to represent the end of unbridled anger and the beginning of laceration.

3. Let them express themselves

After you have introduced yourself if necessary, it is time for each party to say what happens.

Your work must be fully supported by what the people who discuss express, nothing you go to say has to be seen as an imposition placed in the center of the debate in a way unjustified. Therefore, it is important to let them express themselves, taking turns, and asking them to explain what they want and what bothers them. This has to be done after everyone agrees out loud to two rules: do not interrupt and do not disrespect.

4. Reframe what you hear, constructively

After listening to each part, you should explain in your own words what you think is the point of view of each part, but stripping this content of those elements that generate confrontation, like the accusations and criticisms of the other.

In this way, each will listen to the other's point of view but in more neutral and potentially reasonable terms.

5. Look for a halfway solution

It does not have to consist of both parties taking a part of what they wanted from the beginning; it can be a totally different thing. The bottom line is that none of the people involved feel humiliated or clearly loser. Make proposals, and try not to put on the table a solution that is exactly what one of the parties proposes.