This is the personality of those who love solitude

There are many stereotypes about men and women who have a predilection for loneliness. It is often said that they are misanthropic individuals, with social problems or even who are not capable of solving the problems of daily life outside the home.

However, stereotypes are just that, preconceptions usually based on never-questioned myths. Is it true that the minds of these people are impoverished by isolation, or are they as healthy or healthier than the rest of the population?

Of course, to see what the research in Psychology says about it, it is first necessary define what we understand what is meant by "loneliness" in the way in which these people experience it.

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What is the desire to be alone like?

It must be borne in mind that someone who prefers solitude because his attempts to get out of it have been frustrated, whether from bullying or social difficulties, he has no real predilection for loneliness; they remain isolated against his will and therefore it cannot be said that he would genuinely prefer to be alone. In any case, that is the consequence of the avoidance of harm.

When we talk about people who prefer solitude We refer to those who not only do not reject time alone, but embrace it and make it part of their life; They are not afraid to be with themselves and with anyone else, and they enjoy solitary situations, experiencing them as moments of calm.

On the other hand, these people have lost their fear of being single, if they ever had it. It is not that they necessarily prefer to be without a partner in any context, but that they do not see it as an important and abstract life goal that must be satisfied at all costs.

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Exploring the minds of those who do not fear loneliness

A few years ago, a team of researchers decided to study the phenomenon of the preference for solitude (not imposed from outside) using two groups of married people residing in Germany; in one group, the mean age of the participants was 35 years, and in the other, 42.

Another similar initiative proposed the same objective, but this time it worked to study how are those who are not afraid of being single. In this case, two groups of people collaborated, most of them single. In the first group, the mean age was 29 years, and in the second, 19. To measure their personality, both in this research and in the previous one we used the Big Five model, which measures these traits:

• Neuroticism: degree of emotional stability.
• Extraversion: degree to which comfort is experienced in social contexts.
• Responsibility: degree to which organization and commitment tend.
• Openness to experience: degree to which the new and creative are positively valued.
• Amiability: ease of treatment, tendency to cooperation.

In the case of the research on people who appreciate loneliness, measurements were also made on their sociability, while in the research on fear of being single these extra personality characteristics were measured:

• Unwanted feeling of loneliness
• Sensitivity to rejection
• Need to belong to the group
• Depression (inability to cheer up even in the company of others)
• Emotional frailty
• Dependence between self-esteem and existence or not of a couple relationship

Not misanthropes, not unstable, not antisocial

The results of these investigations completely destroy the prevailing stereotypes about people who can freely enjoy solitude.

First, this personality profile was found to be significantly less prone to emotional instability, that is, akl neuroticism. If on many occasions they prefer the absence of company, it is not because of crisis, nervousness or anything similar.

On the other hand, this type of personality also stands out for obtaining higher scores in terms of openness to experience, while those who do not fear singleness are, in addition, kinder and more responsible than the rest. In the case of the investigations on the desire for solitude, the profile prone to voluntary solitude did not obtain scores either above or below the mean.

But perhaps the most groundbreaking result is that, while people who generally enjoy solitude are neither more outgoing nor more introverts than the rest, people who are not afraid of being single they are no more introvertedQuite the contrary: they enjoy situations in which they must participate in social situations. This confirms that they do not "choose" to be single for convenience, but simply do not force themselves to have a partner, since they do not have a particularly bad time in conversations with strangers, for example.

Bibliographic references:

• Hagemeyer, B., Neyer, F. J., Neberich, W., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2013). The ABC of social desires: Affiliation, being alone, and closeness to partner. European Journal of Personality, 27, 442-457.