The 5 main relationship problems after confinement

The simple act of moving from a situation in which we do not have many behavioral options to another in which we have more possibilities to choose from does not always lead to greater well-being psychological.

Although it is paradoxical, facing greater complexity is a challenge capable of generating problems comparable to the lack of occasions in which we can make decisions.

In this line, leaving the context of confinement due to the coronavirus pandemic is a factor that can facilitate the appearance of problems in people who live together, and more specifically, in couple relationships. Let's see why.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

Relationship problems linked to the end of confinement

After the first wave of coronavirus infections, common sense leads one to think that as long as the hospitals and confinement becomes necessary, most of the problems related to the spread of COVID-19 are already a matter of the past. However, this does not have to be the case in all cases.

The health, economic and social crisis unleashed by the coronavirus has caused many families to have been forced to go through

a period of relatively sudden changes, for which it has not always been possible to prepare in the ideal way.

And the truth is that this anomalous situation of changes has not yet stopped, no matter how much we no longer have to spend a lot of time in our homes. For something we call this context "the new normal": the confinement has already passed, but the current situation is not the same as it was before the pandemic reached the country.

And it is that being able to go for a walk, to work or to leisure and hospitality establishments is not the same as doing it after having gone through a phase of quarantine and almost absolute confinement. With the return to the streets, many problems have gone, but also new ones have appeared because of the confinement situation that we have gone through not so long ago. And this is noticeable, for example, in the sphere of the couple.

These are the main reasons why forms of discomfort associated with lack of refinement can appear in a marriage or a dating relationship.

1. Discrepancies about the safety of exposing yourself to others

This is one of the main reasons why the end of confinement can fuel couple conflicts: asymmetries in what is perceived to be safe and what is not.

This is something that especially influences couples with regular contact with their parents, who are of advanced age.

2. Changes in the distribution of household and parenting tasks

Couples with young children are forced to adapt their routine to a new situation. This brings a chaotic element to the couple's relationship, whose plans for the immediate future can be greatly affected even by something as simple as not knowing if there will be a normal school year or it will be all through the Internet.

3. Different expectations about the holidays

For many people, especially those who are subjected to increased work stress, it is very frustrating not being able to have the vacation they had planned.

In a stage of uncertainty such as the post-confinement context, this gives rise to discussions, since the exterior is safe enough to go to many destinations of interesting holidays, but the lack of knowledge about what will happen in the next few weeks can cause fear of throwing money, or even barely being able to leave. And faced with this, it is very easy for discussions and old hostilities that had been accumulating to revive.

4. Unequal family needs

Assuming that each member of the relationship has other living relatives that they care about, it is not uncommon for one of the people to feel the lack of time with their relatives more than the other, either to help them or to make a visit after not having been able to do so for months due to the quarantine phase.

Consider, for example, someone whose family is in another country and whom you have not seen for months. Traveling would involve running the risk of not being able to return normally and spending time without seeing your partner, either because of the lack of available flights or a forced quarantine imposed on those arriving from other States in a situation of risk.

Let's also think of someone who wants to visit her family despite living with her partner and with her father, a population at risk from COVID-19 due to her age or due to an illness.

5. Changes in mood

For many people, anxiety continues into the end of confinement phase as well. This class of individual psychological alterations can lead to psychological problems of a relational nature., that is, they affect two or more people. Let us think of the discomfort experienced by those who see the person who she loves suffer, but who at the same time does not fully understand her because she does not experience the present in the same way.

• You may be interested in: "Anxiety with negative feelings: what to do?"

Are you interested in going to couples therapy?

If you are thinking of turning to couples therapy professionals to address a problem that is affecting your relationship, I invite you to contact me. I am a psychologist with more than 15 years of experience offering individual and couples therapy, and currently I attend both in person at my psychology center located in Madrid and through therapy on-line. On this page you can see my contact details.

Bibliographic references:

• Biscotti, O. (2006). Couples Therapy: a systemic view. 1st. ed. Buenos Aires: Lumen.
• Campuzo Montoya, M. (2002). Human Couple: Their Psychology, Their Conflicts, Their Treatment. Mexico: AMPAG.
• Christensen, A.; Atkins, D.C.; Baucom, B.; Yi J. (2010). Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): pp. 225 - 235.
• Dattilio, F.M. & Padesky, C.A. (2004). Cognitive therapy with couples. Bilbao: Editorial Desclée De Brouwer.
• Sternberg, R.J. (1987). Liking vs. loving: a comparative evaluation of theories. Psychological Bulletin, 102 (3): pp. 331 - 345.