4 symptoms associated with low self-esteem

In essence, self-esteem is (avoiding complicated definitions) the opinion we have of our own person.

One more opinion, neither more nor less, not the only one, but perhaps the most important, since a bad concept of who we are and what we are worth It can seriously affect our emotional life, our behavior, and the way we relate to others.

And this last point is where I want to focus, since although we are owners of a solid self-esteem, the low self-esteem of other people with whom we must eventually bond can be the germ for a complicated relationship and marked by the conflict.

• Related article: "6 good tips (and habits) to boost your self-esteem"

Symptoms linked to low self-esteem

Here are some simple key ideas (taken directly from my clinical experience) to help you identify a deteriorated self-esteem when we are introduced to someone, we start a new job, or we project a relationship loving. The possibilities are many and directly applicable in everyday life.

1. Tendency to be defensive

People with low self-esteem often go through life showing a submissive and defeatist attitude, or quite the opposite: they behave in a fussy and belligerent way. As they think they are worth little,

they live in a permanent war with themselves and with the world.

Take as an example a situation that I witnessed on one occasion. I saw how a man stood on one side of the access door to the bus that he was about to get on to let a girl pass who was running hurriedly.

Far from taking the gesture as something positive, she told him, with her best disgusted face: "Can you let me pass because I'm a woman?" What??? Does being a woman make me inferior? He smiled sympathetically and replied, "No." I let you pass because I'm nice.

• You may be interested: "Low selfsteem? When you become your worst enemy"

2. Tendency towards fundamentalism

Those with low self-esteem adhere to rigid and fundamentalist ideas. Feeling part of a larger group or cause helps them sustain their fragile sense of personal worth..

They tend to identify with strong political ideologies or impervious religious beliefs, which they defend at all costs. This makes them feel powerful as they replace their poor sense of self-worth with the stronger collective self-esteem of the group they belong to. They adopt the point of view of others as their own, have poor critical judgment and succumb to herd thinking.

Recently, a journalist who was covering a demonstration demanding the legalization of abortion, She approached a girl with her microphone and asked her about the reasons that had led her to come to the March.

Taken by surprise, hesitant and hesitant, the girl only managed to stammer something that was unintelligible, to then triumphantly proclaim: "Sex education to decide, contraceptives not to abort and legal abortion not to To die".

A cliché that had been repeating in the media for several weeks before.

3. Tendency to distrust

Because they feel inferior to others, many of these people seek to balance this unpleasant feeling by minimizing the capabilities of others. either by disqualifying their achievements, or by calling into question the prestige or credentials of others.

Since they feel that they cannot measure up to others, they seek to lower others to their own height. They are terrified of the possibility of competition or that someone could invade the small space of land they inhabit.

On one occasion, a psychiatrist I was talking to on the phone about a report I had sent her about a patient we had in common, he interrupted me abruptly to ask me something about my professional seal, which appeared at the end of the document between hands.

-Here it says "doctor" - she told me, notoriously annoyed. And the comment was not even remotely related to what we had been talking about. Why do you say "doctor" if you are not a doctor? "Of course I'm a doctor," I answered slowly, although surprised. "Doctor" is one who has a doctorate. Let me guess: what do you call yourself a "doctor" without being one?

Uncomfortable with the gap she had gotten herself into, she spluttered a few more words, said her goodbyes quickly, and cut off the communication, leaving our exchange inconclusive.

4. Jealousy

They are usually controlling and jealous individuals. Not only do they fear competition from others, whom they perceive as a threat, but they are also possessive, in a desperate attempt to secure the loyalty of other people, whom they feel they can lose in any moment.

I remember the case of a patient who during the week had gotten very angry with her partner, because she had put on Instagram a profile photo in which she was posing in a bikini on the beach.

-Why are you uploading that photo? He wanted to know indignantly. Who is this photo for? Who do you want to like? Why do you never put photos in which we are together?

It was such a scandal that the girlfriend ended up agreeing to replace the "controversial" photo with another according to the insecurities of my patient.