Digital infidelity: a new focus of couple conflicts

Beyond the typical scaremongering that appears every time a new technological advance becomes popular, it is reasonable to think that, like the The use of smartphones and tablets increasingly influences our communication habits, it also exposes us to new risks and problems.

The call FOMO syndrome, for example, is an example of this: we are afraid of being "disconnected" from the network for a few hours, so that we could be losing ourselves.

Something similar happens with the impact that the Internet has had on love and relationships.

On the one hand, it makes us fantasize about the idea that at any time, from the comfort of home or from work, we could be initiating affective or sexual relationships, even with a relative anonymity. On the other hand, it makes us start to fear the possibility of wasting time by not meeting people through the network of networks... Y one of the results of this is digital infidelity. Not for nothing is it more and more frequent that social networks like Facebook are generating more and more divorces and breakups.

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Digital infidelity as a new temptation

Traditionally, one of the great pillars of monogamous relationships was to limit the access of each member of the couple to encounters with people of the opposite sex. It was common to go to social events as a couple, and a good excuse was needed to converse alone with people who could be seen as "competition."

Today this rigidity no longer exists in most Western countries, but several studies show that it has not been this that has increased the frequency with which infidelities occur, but constant internet access.

Most of the people who have ended up having an affair outside of their relationship meeting people online did not start chatting with other people with the intention of being unfaithful. What usually happens is that this type of messages and chat sessions are seen as something safe, an environment in which everything is under control and with which it can be "cut off" at any time.

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A feeling of unreality

Many people do not believe that starting a conversation to flirt with others is an act of infidelity, but a game or simulation. However, the events that often occur below belie this view of things. The ability to connect at any time with work colleagues, friends or even strangers and the perception of the lack of risk of these practices are ingredients by which many people fall into the temptation.

This type of accessibility is a trap that operates through a false sense of security: believing that what happens on the Internet is not real for the simple fact that it is seen on a screen. That is, talking to someone in a way that would break the rules of the marriage or courtship that you are having is a kind of fiction because it's just writing words on a monitor. Something that is difficult to imagine that has a negative impact on the relationship and that, at the same time, is fun or stimulating.

On the other hand, it is such an insignificant action (or that is what it seems, at least) that it is easy to find a justification for it. For example, monotony and boredom, especially in the case of long distance relationships in those who have infrequent contact with the boyfriend or girlfriend, or sexual dissatisfaction with is. These elements can be seen as a grievance to compensate with something as simple as talking to other people online.

In this kind of reasoning, then, digital infidelity can even be seen as something that saves the marriage, or that makes the couple relationship more stable and healthy. It does not even become a lesser evil, but a totally integrated part in that courtship.

• Related article: "Psychological profile of the unfaithful person, in 5 broad features"

What to do to avoid it?

When it comes to digital infidelity, the best thing to do is avoid risks and start by assuming that the type of contacts through the Internet also violate the agreed rules of the couple relationship based on the monogamy. It is not for nothing that it is a practice that is actively and passively hidden from the other person.

Thus, it is important to start by avoiding ambiguous situations and that at the same time expose us to other risks that have nothing to do with the romantic, such as the practice of accept friend requests from all kinds of strangers.

On the other hand, it is important to have certain rules of behavior in place in situations that can lead to digital infidelity, how to detect certain patterns of behavior in the responses of the person you are speaking with, and nip in the bud with that type of conversation.