I don't know whether to leave a relationship: should I stay or go?

I'm on a roller coaster, today good and tomorrow not. I'm full of doubts, I don't know if it's the time I've invested in this relationship, I don't know if it's dependency, We have hobbies in common, I feel like there is no turning back for the years we have been together, I don't know if it's love. Etc. etc

One of the most common questions I receive in my office is the question of whether to remain rooted in hope.. So that's where I suggest doing an exercise that guarantees to get us out of uncertainty. Surely you also have the doubt of whether to continue trying or not, so let's start with this addition and subtraction and figure it out.

Let's say that you are a 100 (if you don't feel like a 100, we will talk about it another time with the topic of self-concept). So you are a 100, you have a little bit of everything and if something is missing you are working on it. What does this person add to your life? Why do you want to be with this person?

Evaluating the relationship

In this list, next to the statement write -1 if it subtracts and +1 if it adds and 0 if it is completely indifferent.

. For example, in sex, if you don't have sex, but it doesn't matter, you put a zero, but if you don't have sex, but you care, then it's a -1 because it subtracts you. Remember that you are a 100 and from that number add or subtract. Characteristics to evaluate in a relationship: (remember to use the scores)

• Sex
• Makes coexistence more pleasant
• If I have an economic situation I can count on my partner.
• Emotional security/Strengthens me when I'm down.
• Leadership to do couple activities
• He is handsome or pretty
• Assume your commitments within the relationship.
• He is loyal – He defends me even when I am away.
• He knows how to listen when we have discussions.
• It makes me feel accepted
• I admire him or her
• It is to be trusted regarding the issue of infidelity
• Is a friendly person
• He gets along well with my family
• It has good sense of humor
• Helps me with my goals/projects
• It is generous or generous
• It gives me my partner place
• Support for my health
• He is a transparent person
• You benefit from their assets (house, car)
• Supports you professionally
• He gives you such a good time that it makes you long for dates like your birthday and Christmas.
• He is a good father/mother or he is not the father or mother of the children, but he is a good parenting partner.

Conclusions

What do you lose? What do you win? Are you inventing this relationship? It is a hope based on what? What do the numbers say? What number are you with that person? If you stayed at 100, this relationship offers you nothing and you must close this circle, if it remains, you must leave this relationship now. Now if your number 100 rose to more than 115, this is a gain and learn relationship..

Now, we have already done the math and we can do everything by percentages and almost scientifically we can see the evidence. Even with reality made into numbers, do we not get the value, why? Here I present a possibility, remember that it does not have to be your case, take from this writing what resonates with you and let the rest go.

Once the math is done, if you feel powerless, there is a possible answer and it is the manipulation that your partner exercises every time you are about to make the decision.. Some examples of manipulation could be:

• He asks for your forgiveness, but he doesn't change.
• He makes you responsible for his emotions. If he's angry it's your fault.
• Project your insecurities onto yourself.
• He blames you for your reactions to his disrespect.
• Knowing that he is going to hurt you, he does it anyway.
• If in your complaints he tells you that he feels the same as you to invalidate you.
• He gives you hope with words, but actions are not what he promises.
• You use words and phrases that are “blocking” so that communications occur. It's like talking to a wall.

It's all loss and you still stay? Is abuse and pain the only thing that unites you in this relationship? Negative links should be treated with a specialist. Do not neglect or negotiate your emotional reserve.