Why am I not lucky in love? 8 possible causes

Love life and affective relationships have a paradoxical characteristic: despite the fact that they greatly affect our well-being, they are something over which we have little control.

That is why many people ask themselves... why am I not lucky in love? And it is that unrequited love and failures when trying to live a stable relationship can be experienced from a catastrophic perspective, as if we were predestined to unhappiness.

In this article we will look at several possible answers to that question, and at the same time we will review several tips and recommendations about what to do both if you are looking for a relationship or if you are in one that is going through its worst moments.

• Related article: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"

Why am I not lucky in love?

If relationships and marriages are complicated, it is among other things because there are many ways they can go wrong, or even not start at all.

Liking someone to the point that a reciprocal love arises and that this gives rise to a stable relationship is a process that requires delicate balances.

Balances maintained between psychological phenomena that are often mutually exclusive: sexual desire against commitment, illusion against discipline to live properly, desire to like against honesty, etc.

In any case, if we want to address this issue we must simplify this class of problems to make them understandable and relatively easy to solve. Therefore, let's divide bad luck in love into two parts: problems finding a partner and problems maintaining love relationships.

Problems finding a partner

Many people who believe that they are unlucky in love they feel that it is very difficult for them to find a partner. Let's see what it could be due to.

1. Obsession to find someone

No one is forced to have a partner, despite the fact that culturally tradition imposes various expectations related to marriage.

Perhaps a good part of what makes you think that you have bad luck in love is precisely that obsession with finding someone quickly prevents you from taking this process naturally, on the one hand, or that you feel bad for not feeling interested in anyone, something completely normal.

2. Distorted expectations

This doesn't mean simply having too high expectations of what it means to find love. It means, among other things, attaching great importance to the idea that there are high and low expectations in love life.

Whoever falls in love does so through an experience that completely changes their perspective on life. It is a qualitative change, not a quantitative one, and for it to occur, in many cases, you have to overcome the initial prejudices.

So, the trick is to meet new people, with all that this implies: open up to all kinds of people, beyond labels, and value them for what they really do and are.

3. communication problems

It's not all about searching. Someone who wants to attract the attention of another person (romantically), must master basic principles of social skills.

For example, express yourself well, be clear in what is said, not to be too mysterious, etc.

• You may be interested in: "Top 14 Soft Skills for Success in Life"

4. Lack of knowledge of social conventions

It is important to be aware that there are certain social conventions that, although they should not govern our personal relationships, are there.

Having them as a reference is important for knowing how others perceive us in the early stages of a conversation (and even before starting them).

For example, unwritten rules about the degree of trust to be expected in a stranger, about dress codes, etc.

5. play the victim

Sometimes, who believes that they have bad luck in love enters an infinite loop situation: becoming so pessimistic that there is no reason for others to be interested in them.

Playing the victim as if others owe us attention and affection is a serious mistake. The pain we feel may be very real, and it is true that we do not have to hide it, but that does not mean that we should constantly make others feel guilty.

And, of course, trying to show pity to generate attraction results in a completely opposite effect than desired.

Bad luck in love life: courtships and marriages

It is also very possible that bad luck in love is experienced especially when it comes to forming a relationship that lasts and is consolidated from a healthy coexistence between lovers.

In these cases, the problem is not so much finding a partner (although it can also be) but making these love ties are sustained over time and not only that: they are reinforced as the months go by and the years.

In this sense, to understand what is happening, it is necessary to take into account all the aspects that we have seen so far, and also the following questions.

1. The lack of possibilities to emancipate

Every love relationship needs a time and a space in which to develop, and that means that it is very It is difficult for the affective bond to be maintained if you do not have the possibility of living with the resources basic materials.

For example, if many years go by and despite the wishes of both people involved, it is not possible to find an apartment that is affordable enough to live in, this will wear out the relationship.

Achieving that economic stability is important, and that happens both by working efficiently and developing our talents, and by doing everything possible so that society improves economically.

2. Lack of comunication

Communication failures are very frequent in couple relationships. For example, assuming that the other person knows what we are talking about when in reality they do not, interpreting certain ambiguous phrases as mockery or accusations, etc.

In this regard, all you have to do is practice these social skills and talk together about what the most common mistakes are. that you commit in this area, assuming a proactive and honest attitude and relying on criticism constructive.

3. lack of commitment

Having a loving relationship is also a job that requires time and effort. Being clear about this is important, because it would be a mistake to assume that true love is one in which everything flows without making the slightest effort.

The simple fact of taking into account the needs and interests of the person we love means that you have to put effort into making the relationship a comfortable context for both of you, not just for you.

If almost everything fails, you can always go to couples therapy, although even to resort to this it is necessary that there is a minimum of commitment; For example, if you are having a relationship with a third person outside of courtship or marriage, couples therapy has no future and should not be started.

• You may be interested in: "How do you know when to go to couples therapy? 5 compelling reasons"

Bibliographic references:

• Fisher, H. (2004). Why We Love: the nature and chemistry of romantic love. New York: Henry Holt & Co.
• Lewis, T.; Amini, F.; Lannon, R. (2000). A General Theory of Love. Random House.