Relationship crisis due to routine problems: 5 possible causes

Many times, relationship crises do not occur from an event that suddenly reveals that there is something in the relationship that is not going well.

Although cases of infidelity or especially tough discussions give rise to some cases of rupture that are remembered above all for their dramatic charge, the truth is that in the In most cases, marital or dating problems come through a gradual process, small dysfunctionalities whose effect accumulates with the passage of time. weeks.

All this set of warning signs are usually limited to the scope of coexistence routines, those seemingly banal and frequent situations that arise with the day-to-day dealings both inside and outside home.

In this article we will see a summary of the main routine problems that can trigger a relationship crisis, and what they imply.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

Common causes of couple crisis due to dysfunctional routines

These are some of the most common causes of couple crisis that arise from dysfunctional coexistence routines, which produce a stale and unsatisfactory environment.

1. Lack of variety in leisure plans

It is common for one of the people involved in the relationship to have a greater preference than the other for having new experiences from time to time.

This is not a problem if there is a constant dialogue about how you should spend time together, but In some cases, this type of asymmetry in the couple's relationship gives way to a problem that is accumulates. And it is that when something is not spoken, It is implicitly assumed that the routine is validated, and this becomes the "default" option, what is assumed to be done unless someone says otherwise. And many times, there appears a certain fear of proposing to break with the routine, either because of the fear of having to face the problem of what to do. with free time, or fear of revealing that what has been done as a couple for months has become somewhat bored.

2. Asymmetries in the distribution of tasks

In many relationships, there is someone who feels more discomfort if they see tasks that have yet to be done, and who takes care of them. Over time, this causes her to have a greater workload, and this inequality is normalized by the simple fact that she has always been there (while the period of living together has lasted). Opening the melon of reassigning responsibilities becomes a cause for concern, and that is why there are people who prefer to "leave it for another day."

• You may be interested in: "The 3 types of procrastination, and tips to stop procrastinating"

3. Taboos in the sexual sphere

It is no secret that sex is an almost inexhaustible source of taboos even today. For many couples, it is something that is hardly talked about. And of course, where communication fails, there is a breeding ground for frustrations, insecurities, and even boredom.

4. Tendency not to focus discussions decisively

Many couples approach the arguments as a fight of egos, a battlefield in which the only thing that matters is not to be below the other. This makes the most important part of this type of clash of wills overshadowed by feelings of anger., and that the act of arguing ends when one of the parties has had enough and does not want to continue exposing themselves to reproaches, and not when a solution or an agreement has been reached.

5. Lack of quality time as a couple

Finally, another element of the routine that lends itself more to generating a couple crisis is lack of time together. Many times it is due to poor work time management, and other times it is due to the simple habit of being in different rooms doing solitary free time activities.

Are you looking for professional psychological help?

If you are going through a bad time due to problems in the field of relationships or the management of emotions and you are looking for professional help to overcome the situation, Get in touch with me.

I am a psychologist with many years of experience working to solve dysfunctions of the emotional, behavioral or communicative, and I base my intervention model on psychology cognitive-behavioral. I attend both in person in my office in Madrid and through the online format with video call sessions. On this page you will find my contact information, and more information about how I work.

Bibliographic references:

• Atkinson, B.J. (2005). Emotional intelligence in couples therapy: Advances from neurobiology and the science of intimate relationships. W W Norton & Co.
• Campuzo Montoya, M. (2002). Human Couple: Their Psychology, Their Conflicts, Their Treatment. Mexico: AMPAG.
• Christensen, A.; Atkins D.C.; Baucom B.; Yi J. (2010). Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): pp. 225 - 235.
• Dattilio, F.M. & Padesky, C.A. (2004). Cognitive therapy with couples. Bilbao: Editorial Desclée De Brouwer.
• Sternberg, R.J. (1987). Liking vs. loving: a comparative evaluation of theories. Psychological Bulletin, 102 (3): pp. 331 - 345.