Myth of the better half: why should we abandon this idea?

Who doesn't dream of having that ideal person next to you?

The one with which we identify and want to be always until the last day of our lives, unfortunately, very often this is not a reality. We turn all our unrealistic expectations into finding a partner who complements us and makes us feel loved and important, as if we were broken. Which fills us with anxieties and creates a stressful environment that can cause emotional discomfort, as disappointment and even anxiety.

There is no magic formula that we can put into practice to find and recognize the true love, although if we can show certain characteristics that indicate that the relationship we have is fury. How? Recognizing that this person helps us to grow and be better, recognizing our qualities but also letting us know what are the defects that we have, based of course on respect and tolerance.

The myth of the better half

In a loving relationship, the couple should be a complement and a support, not an extension of ourselves. Well, if at some point they leave our side, we can have the ability to move on and not fall into a negative spiral of emotions and disinterest in everyday life.

That is why it is important to remove the expression 'better half' from our minds and vocabulary. and let's begin to think that love is not dependency or obligation.

The myth of the better half comes from ancient Greece. When Plato in his work 'The banquet' explains that the human race was perfect, men had their ribs and backs placed in circles, had four arms and legs, two faces attached to the neck and resembling a single head. They also had two ears and a pair of sex organs and two pairs of eyes.

These beings were made up of: man and man, woman and woman or a man and woman called 'androgynous'. Because they considered themselves strong and vigorous, they decided to climb the sky to face the gods. Zeus did not want to exterminate him, but decided as a punishment to separate these beings to reduce their forces.

The ideal person: is it real?

When we like a person and we begin to establish a loving relationship, we believe that we have found to our half and the myth of the better half comes true, but it is nothing more than an illusion passenger. Living as a couple is not a matter of myths and legend, it is an everyday learning and must be based on mutual respect and tolerance since no two people are the same, there are always differences that if not resolved in time, end in problems and conflicts.

When we idealize a person we are in search of perfection, we see in him only the qualities that we want them to have (even when they do not have them), this blinds us and we ignore those negative traits that do have. This leads us to create an image that is not in accordance with reality and that is harmful to the couple's relationship.

As time goes by the person in love with the idealization of him little by little the blindfold falls off. But instead of accepting that he was wrong, he begins to believe that his partner has changed, when the reality is that he has always been like that and he could never be aware of it. Therefore, people tend to fall down and believe that love is not for them because they have bad luck.

Why do we tend to idealize people?

The danger of idealizing a person may sound preventable if you are careful, but idealizations tend to be unconscious and we don't notice it until it's late.

1. Lack of affection

It usually occurs because during childhood, the affective needs were not met by the main figures in the child's life, such as their parents, causing a distortion in the perception of affection and the way we should receive it, that to have affection you have to do what others want. This strengthened the idea that love, respect, affection and acceptance are achieved by adjusting to what others want.

2. Low selfsteem

If you are in a relationship where everything is excellent, you feel so comfortable that it is reflected in a positive way in your self-esteem and personal growth. But, when the relationship is full of constant problems and conflicts, it is usually due to the idealization made about the partner.

Which can lead to two scenarios: disappointment about that person or self-accusation of the decline in the relationship.

There are people who put aside their family, friends and all their activities that they did before finding the 'ideal person'. This causes a deendency of the couple and when the relationship fails, his life turns into chaos and he does not know what to do without his other half.

4. Loss of personality

When there is a relationship with an idealized partner, this becomes a role model- What makes you seek to fulfill their expectations does that the personality of the idealizer is disappearing and that is a huge mistake that you cannot let happen, because you are also important.

5. Misconceptions about truth and lies

We all like to be told the truth, especially that our relationship is honest and sincere. However, idealizations are based on a fictitious belief that will prevent the relationship from flowing in a real way. much less obtain a true love from the other person when they have been attributed characteristics that do not has.

6. Past traumatic relationships

Bad experiences tend to stay with us in a more ingrained way than positive experiences. Therefore, having a previous traumatic relationship may generate fears and insecurities that lead to hold on to the first person to help us leave that behind and we build a world in that relationship that is not real.

A step towards emotional dependence

The myth of the better half inevitably leads people to emotional dependence, That is why we must completely get rid of that myth and look for a person who will make us grow, but above all make us realize our mistakes.

How can we realize that we are going towards emotional dependence? Look at its characteristics.

1. Entering into hasty relationships

This refers to going to the first person who appears on our way and offers us some way out of our love frustrations and gives us the feeling that we can build something best.

2. Absolute control

Both of your partner with you or otherwise. Having absolute control is a result that arises from emotional dependence, since you have the unconscious fear of being alone if you do not have it.

3. Does not accept imperfections

Idealizations towards people prevent us from wanting to hear or see some kind of imperfection that they may possess. So we tend to conflict with those who try to make us see these flaws and we cling to the perfect idea of ​​our partner.

4. They can't be alone

People who are emotionally dependent cannot be alone, so they remain single for a very short time. The worst thing is that they tend to believe that anyone they meet is their better half.

Consequences of the myth of the better half

The legend of the better half makes it seem romantic and tender, but it is just a fiction that has nothing to do with reality as it turns out to be deceptive and empty. Idealizing a person who we believe is our other half results in:

1. It's a form of pressure

If we think that our partner is that ideal person who will cover all our needs and we make it an extension of our body, it becomes a form of pressure, thereby making the other party feel asphyxiated and in short it will move away immediately.

2. Generate feelings of loss

When you blindly believe in idealization, at first it may be that the relationship works, the coupling and the connection is perfect. But as the union flows, we fall into a routine that fractures the bond and creates a feeling of failure.

3. Produces high expectations

By generating on the other the responsibility to make us happy and meet the needs of love, we are placing many expectations on them that trigger problems, anguish and disappointment.

Tips to avoid idealization

You can try some tips to identify an idealization and stay away from your false better half.

1. Work on your self-esteem

The important thing always to love someone is to love ourselves, so you must work on yourself, your self-esteem, your beliefs about love and the ideal relationship. For this, you can attend a psychological consultation or carry out personal entrepreneurship workshops.

2. Love without imposition

Loving someone implies accepting her as she is and of course helping her make changes that will benefit her in the future. So focus on getting to know the person in both their good and bad moments.

3. Put aside the myths about love

Despite having a beautiful and magical context, myths only generate unrealistic expectations that lead to inevitable disappointment. So put aside all those magazine compatibility tests, you find on social networks or myths that ´assure you´ to know your better half and look for a person who will become your co-worker.

4. Nurture and complement yourself

Do activities that help you build your self-esteem and confidence in your abilities. You can try a new hobby or learn a new skill. This will allow you to meet new people and feel confident to take on the world on your own, rather than clinging to someone else.

Do not go in search of your better half, do not be conformist, be more open and try all the fruits in the basket.