Infidelity in couple relationships

Fidelity is one of the foundations on which the vast majority of stable marriages and couples are built, so It is not surprising that one of the main reasons why couples demand psychological help is the overcoming of a infidelity. In various national surveys 61.7% of men and 43.4% of women claimed to have starred in some infidelity throughout their lives, becoming the second most important problem in a couple after physical abuse.

But, what is considered infidelity? Is sexual contact necessary or is it enough for an emotional union to occur? Do specific contacts imply a lack of fidelity?… There are many questions that are generated around the subject and also many couples who come to therapy in search of the definitive answer that solves all your doubts.

Why is it so difficult to distinguish between what is and what is not infidelity?

In practice, it is very difficult to define what behaviors suppose infidelity, since the admissible limits are established in a implicit within each couple according to the ideas of each member, their previous experiences, the customs of the family of origin and to 

Social context where you live. Therefore, it is very normal that what is considered infidelity in one couple is not so in another and vice versa.

At the same time, men and women develop different ideas about infidelity: while many women tend to associate any intimacy - whether or not sexual - with infidelity, men are more likely to deny it, unless there has been sexual intercourse recurring.

New technologies must be added to this variability of definition, an element that further increases the ambiguity of the concept and makes it more difficult for the couple to overcome the conflict. And is that the improvement of the means of communication has made infidelity more accessible and easier today, a mobile phone or a computer is enough to establish strong emotional or sexual relationships with someone outside the relationship, without having to spend an excessive amount of time that makes the partner.

So how do we define the concept of infidelity?

Leaving aside all these difficulties and in an attempt to narrow down a possible definition, we can understand infidelity as all that situation in which a person, with a stable relationship, is involved in intense contact with someone who is not their usual partner. In this contact, sexual relations may or may not occur, which allows us to distinguish between a form of infidelity centered on the sexual relationship and another in which this is nothing more than a secondary aspect of the bond affective.

In the first case, sexual dissatisfaction in the couple is the engine for the establishment of new relationships, while that in the second it is a more global and complex dissatisfaction that prompts them to transgress the pacts of fidelity.

More infidelities but for the same reasons

The real frequency of extramarital affairs is every day higher, increasing especially among the female population. This behavioral change is mainly related to the availability of effective contraceptives, the change in the social role of women and their integration into the world of work, which has caused women to have more contact with people outside their life as a couple and has decreased their fear of a possible pregnancy not wanted.

On the other hand, it is necessary to mention that both sexes expose the same reasons, year after year, to initiate and maintain a relationship of these characteristics. Unfaithful men and women talk about the experience of a painful relationship, drab and empty and a lack of positive response to their sexual and emotional demands. These statements show that infidelity in many cases indicates the need for "something more" or "something different." in their interaction and in their life as a couple that, on many occasions, prompts them to seek what they feel is lack.

Can you overcome an infidelity?

After knowing all these data, many couples will wonder if it is possible to rebuild the relationship after an infidelity, to which the statistics respond that only 50% of the time the problem is overcome. This probability of survival increases if the man who has been unfaithful and if the infidelity has only been of a sexual nature.

Therefore, when considering a possible reconciliation after an infidelity, it is necessary assess the pros and cons of the relationship and take into account that not all unfaithful partners separate. In many cases, not only is reconciliation possible, but infidelity itself makes the couple consider their problems, overcome them and continue their relationship with reinforced intimacy. Of course, we must never forget that the reconciliation process is slow and difficult, and that it must inevitably go through ask for forgivenessand sincerely forgive, for which in many cases therapeutic intervention is necessary as a guide and support to the couple.

How to overcome an infidelity?

You can learn some tips by reading the following article:

"Overcoming an infidelity: the 5 keys to achieve it"