How to set limits for children: 10 tips to educate them

Every good father and mother loves their children but, sometimes, the smallest of the house do not know how to control themselves, they misbehave and can cause more than one displeasure.

That is why, to guarantee a good dynamic at home and the happiness of all family members, it is necessary to set clear limits for children. The way in which it should be done must be healthy and without feeling that they are being deprived of exploring the world and putting their abilities and curiosity to the test, traits very typical of any healthy childhood.

That is why in this article, by way of guide for every desperate parent trying to know how to set limits on children, we are going to compile some effective tips and strategies to help children learn what they can and cannot do.

• Related article: "The 6 stages of childhood (physical and mental development)"

How to set limits for children?

In recent decades there has been a greater sensitivity towards childhood and a vision against mistreatment and physical and emotional abuse towards children has been taken. However, as a side effect of this, more and more parents, in an attempt to please their children, have ended up having spoiled children who do not respect their elders.

This is why it is so important to know how to set limits for children and avoid situations that, as they grow up, will make them unadjusted adults both socially and professionally. Next we will see how to do it.

1. Proportionate and fair limits

The child must perceive the limit as something fair And, for this, it really must be an appropriate limit, not the result of an imposition to the liking of the adult who sets it.

When limits are set, the objective is to make the child understand what is okay for him to do and what is not, and why there is such a limit.

So that, you should not try to humiliate the child and make him see that he cannot do a specific action because the adult commands him and to shut up.

Disproportionate limits contribute to child frustration, as well as can affect long to her personality, being afraid to dare to do things for fear of being unfairly punished.

2. Kindness is not the same as permissiveness

Parents should be nice, avoid having a bad day at work or a tantrum of their children makes them bring out a whole series of bad emotions that, of course, will negatively affect the boy. But this does not mean that any action of the child should be tolerated, preventing him from feeling sad or angry at some point.

Allowing any child's mischief to go ahead, without parents daring to scold, clearly means to make the infant not have marked limits and to believe in the right to do whatever comes his way. win.

3. Make the child reflect on what he has done

The typical situation at home: the child breaks a vase and the parents get very angry, punishing him without being able to play with the console. It is logical to think that through negative reinforcement the child will stop doing what he has done; however, will he be aware that what he has done is wrong?

If the child does something and the parents immediately respond with anger and punishment, a very important step in education and learning is really being missed: reflection.

When the child does something wrong, it is necessary to sit down with him for a moment. and calmly explain why what he has done is wrong. The punishment comes after giving him a clear and concise explanation of why he should not do what he has done again.

4. Have him help fix what he has done wrong

Learning is not only about learning how to do things, but also about seeing your own mistakes and learning how to remedy them.

That is why making the child contribute to finding a solution to the damage that he may have done becomes a great educational opportunity, showing him the effort involved in having to fix a bad action that he has done.

For example, if he has broken a vase he can be made to think how he can fix what he has done, and once he has come to the conclusion that he will have to recompose the vase, that it is himself or with the help of an adult who gets down to the construction site.

• You may be interested: "Child Psychology: A Practical Guide for Parents"

5. Disapprove of the behavior, not the child

A mistake that many parents make when setting limits is to be too strict, so much so that they can make mistakes and instead of punishing the wrong thing the child has done, punish a part of their personality.

It is quite common for the child to be scolded for how he is instead of what he has done, and that, of course, will harm you in the long run, since interesting traits such as curiosity or assertiveness.

If the child has gone out without permission to meet a friend, he should not be punished by forbidding him to go out any more. He should be punished in other ways, but not by forbidding him to socialize or have contact with the outside world.

At the time of applying the punishment, it must be explained what action she is being punished, and avoid the child thinking that he is being punished because he has mania.

6. Be firm

Many times, the parents, faced with the unruly son, decide to stand up once and for all and apply the punishment, but when the child begins to pout or put eyes of a slaughtered lamb, they soften up and tell themselves that for once they are going to leave it happen.

This is a mistake. You have to be firm and let the punishment go to the end. Thus the child will not see his parents as easily manipulated adults that he has them eating from his hand and that, therefore, he can do whatever he wants.

But you must not only be firm with punishments, but also when applying a routine to the child. For example, you cannot allow yourself to go to bed one day at 9, another at 10, and another at 11.

7. Propose alternatives

It is very possible that when establishing a limit, the child sees it as something very authoritarian and does not invite him to give his opinion or his vision of the new rule to be fulfilled, perceiving the adult as if he were a dictator.

That is why, to avoid seeing the limit as something too static and fixed, a good option is to propose alternatives in the form of a series of acceptable behaviors.

Thus, the child will see that he really has a wide repertoire of possibilities and that, really, he is not being deprived of the freedom that he might think at first.

8. Accentuate the positive

Orders can be perceived as a desirable thing to do if they are perceived in positive terms.

This means that if the adult changes his language for a more positive one, in addition to highlighting the things that the child is doing well, he is more likely to be motivated and try to do things harder and more carefully.

For example, instead of saying to the child when he is speaking in a loud tone 'don't yell', it is better to rephrase this sentence in less negative terms, such as 'please speak a little lower'. It doesn't sound like such a tax order.

9. Control emotions

This advice may seem the most obvious of all and the one that "all" parents assume they follow when applying limits and punishments to their children. Let's face it, who hasn't lost their temper on more than one occasion?

When he's in a bad mood, whether he's angry, tired, or sad, are more likely to be disproportionate when punishing mischief of the little one in the house or not being entirely objective when deciding a limit or new rule to follow.

That is why, and although it is difficult, before saying or doing something that is not going to benefit our progeny, let's breathe, try to calm the mind, and if we can't, ask another adult to take care of the child or speak with the.

It is much more responsible to know when we are not able to educate our children than to try to do it totally out of our minds.

10. Manage tantrums

All children have tantrums. They arise with the intention of attracting the attention of adults and making them give them what they want. The child's claim may be legitimate, but the way she does it is not right.

The best way to make him see that things are not being asked in this way is to not give him what he is looking for at that moment, which is to be the center of attention. If the child sees that the adult is not paying attention to her, sooner or later she will get tired of doing what she is doing because, let's face it, yelling, crying and kicking is a very tiring activity and the infant has no energy unlimited.

But beware, this must be done with some care, since if the child starts breaking things or bothering other people we can get in serious trouble. In that case, you have to intervene, stopping him and, furthermore, punishing him without what he was asking us to do.

In short, if the tantrum is harmless, you should ignore it and wait for it to calm down, in case it hurts to others, it must be stopped and made clear that what was claiming us now will no longer have it for its own guilt.

Bibliographic references:

• Palacios, J.; Marchesi, A. and Coll, C. (Comp.) (1999). Psychological Development and Education, Vol. 1: Evolutionary Psychology. Madrid: Editorial Alliance.
• Shaffer, D. R. and Kipp, K. (2007). Developmental psychology Childhood and adolescence (7th. Ed.). Mexico: Thompson.