Why go to couples therapy to solve love crises

It seems that little by little ideas such as that of the "better half" are being left behind, and we are increasingly aware of the importance of not losing our individuality, not to lose ourselves in the other person and stop being ourselves. Only by valuing, caring for and respecting our essence and that of the other person, will we be able to build healthy relationships.

The films, stories and songs that accompany us throughout our lives have contributed to the creation of false myths about love and relationships As a couple, like Prince Charming, love can do everything, opposites attract... It seems that the more suffering there is in the couple, the better the relationship and the more love will exist. But make no mistake, love has to be easy, and if it is not, it is not love.

• Related article: "The 14 most common problems in relationships"

What are the problems that couples usually have?

There are as many types of relationships as there are couples. There is no standard for a couple, each one creates their own codes and dynamics, they are neither better nor worse. And if the relationship works well like that, there is no reason for the change.

However, on many occasions, the couple is not well, and could benefit from couples therapy. Some of the reasons or problems that couples usually present are the following.

1. Communication problems

Communication is a key element in any human relationship. We must be aware of how we communicate with our partner. If we use an aggressive, passive or assertive communication style. If we facilitate communication, or on the contrary we hinder it.

• You may be interested: "The 28 types of communication and their characteristics"

2. Handling of discussions

One of the most frequent problems that couples have is the mishandling of arguments, in which reproaches abound, escalation of aggressiveness, power struggles ("Who gives his arm to twist"), erroneous interpretations ...

3. Intimacy and sexuality

With the passage of time, it is possible that the frequency, sexual appetite and moments of intimacy (such as caresses, displays of affection ...) and sexual relations, decrease. It can also happen that each member of the couple experiences it differently.

4. Infidelity

Third parties may appear, with the consequent emotional management derived from infidelity, such as the guilt, regret and forgiveness or not of the other person.

5. Different vital moments

Each member of the couple has a different vital evolution, we are not the same with 20 years, with 35 than with 40 and, although it may not be a problem, at some point, it can be.

6. Jealousy, insecurity and mistrust

The jealousy, as we well know, they can become pathological. Behind the jealousy hides ** an insecure personality that will dump all that insecurity on the other **, conditioning and destroying the relationship.

7. Monotony

Monotony and routine as a symptom of being carried away by life and the rhythm of the relationship can also wear down the emotional bond. It is always positive to reinforce the good that there is and that maintains the relationship (Knowing how to also enjoy the routine), as well as looking for new illusions that break that monotony a bit.

8. Relationship with families of origin

There are couples who are very close to their families of origin, it is difficult for them to set limits and they are overwhelmed by their demands, generating real problems in the relationship.

9. Individual aspects of something member

Each member of the relationship, as we have already commented, is an individual person, with their strengths and limitations, their problems, their personal and work situation... If this is not taken into account and managed properly, it can cause conflict in the couple.

10. Birth of children

The birth of a child entails a radical change in the dynamics of life together. The attention and care is taken by the new member of the family, taking care of the couple in the background.

What are the goals of couples therapy?

When two people begin to consider the idea of ​​going to couples therapy, the fundamental objective is to solve the problems they are having to keep alive a coexistence based on love. As we have already seen, these difficulties can be related to monotony, communication, jealousy... and, if that is achieved, the therapy will have been a success.

However, even if therapy ends in breakup or separation, it should not be judged or judged as a failureOn the contrary, since if thanks to the therapeutic process, they have reached that decision, it is probably because that was the best option and staying in the relationship entailed prolonging the discomfort.

Another of the fundamental reasons for going to couples therapy and that almost no couple considers, is that of prevention, improvement and learning of strategies to better deal with everyday situations within the relationship. Highlight the importance of both members of the relationship having common goals to work on.

Whatever the objective, what will be sought is to improve the well-being of each of the members of the couple, whether decide not to continue with the joint project, as if they decided to continue, since this will have a positive impact on the coexistence.

Is this psychological intervention useful?

The answer to this question is a resounding yes. The problem comes in that in most cases, couples show up late for therapy. At that point, the relationship is very damaged and the members of the couple feel that they can no longer take it. In these cases, going to therapy is experienced as a “fire extinguisher”, that is, a last attempt to save the relationship.

Ignorance and myths around "going to the psychologist" in general and undergoing therapy couples in particular, make it difficult and delay the initiation of the intervention by professionals.

Another problem that can make the process difficult is that there is no agreement and consensus in some of the members and that are not involved in the same way. In order for the couple to stay afloat, the two of them have to row and do it in the same direction.

Are you interested in starting a couples therapy?

If you are thinking of starting a couples therapy and working on some of the goals we have talked about, you can request information and help at Lua Psicología.

It is a center specialized in couples therapy that performs face-to-face therapy in the center of Madrid and online therapy, adapting to the needs of each couple. In both cases the therapeutic process is the same.

If you want to contact us, click this link.