Death and grief in the coronavirus crisis: what to do?

One of the great tragedies that we are experiencing in our fight against the coronavirus is related to the death of our family members.

Due to its special characteristics, the isolation and the high degree of contagion that the virus has, deaths occur in solitude, without the company of loved ones. In addition, to this are added the security measures that are being taken in this regard, preventing farewells, the realization funerals, wakes and other rituals necessary to say goodbye to our family member and thus be able to start developing the duel.

• Related article: "The 8 types of grief and their characteristics"

The duel

One of the most painful experiences that people go through is saying goodbye and accepting the loss of a loved one. Grief is the process by which uA person develops an adaptive response to the loss of a loved one.

The duration of this process depends on many factors such as, for example, the link with the deceased person, cause of death, degree of spirituality, existence or not of farewell, etc.

On the other hand, within the grieving process we can distinguish several phases that help us regain normalcy. They were described by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler Ross. These phases are as follows:

1. Denial

In this first phase of shock, the person denies the loss. The emotional impact is so great that the person is not yet ready to face the situation. For this reason, denial is launched as a defense mechanism.

2. Anger or anger

During this stage the emotions that are most present are anger, anger and rage. The person tries to find culprits in order to find an explanation for the death.

3. Negotiation

This stage usually appears before death. The person has a false sense of control over the situation and tries to implement strategies so that the fatal outcome does not occur. Usually it is intended to reach agreements with the divine. This phase is usually the shortest.

4. Depression

Once we realize that we can do nothing and are aware of the reality of the loss, a huge sadness and a feeling of emptiness invades us.

5. Acceptance

When we reach this stage, we are able to accept the loss of our loved one. It is not about forgetting it, but about repositioning it in our lives so that we can move on.

It is important to note that not all people go through all the phases or in the same order, each person needs their time to solve each one of them. Once the person has passed and passed the different phases, we can conclude that they have reached the end of the process.

• You may be interested: "The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)"

The elaboration mourning the coronavirus

As we have already commented, the virus is the one that is setting the rules regarding the accompaniment, farewells and wakes. In these circumstances, it is possible that some of the phases of the duel are blocked or take longer than usual, which may lead (or not) to a complicated duel.

Another characteristic of this situation is that the grieving process begins before the death itself, as it is not possible to visit or accompany the patient during quarantine, hospitalization, etc. Grief over the loss of a loved one will always be present, regardless of whether or not we can be close to our loved one. The feeling of pain is implicit in this type of situation.

To do?

The fundamental objective of the grieving process is always the same: to avoid the psychological consequences for not preparing the goodbye well. To do this, we are going to take into account the following guidelines.

1. Take advantage of remote forms of communication

In many hospitals in Spain the use of tablets and mobiles is being launched to promote contact between the patient and family members. This can be of great help in a future farewell to the sick person. Although we cannot do it in person, we are going to share with our loved ones the pain and suffering that we are going through. Through virtual meetings we can share our feelings, remember the deceased person and recall the special moments lived with him.

2. Do not stop performing goodbye rituals

Wakes, funerals and other rituals are important to be able to say goodbye to the loved one and start the grieving process. In this case we cannot do it at the time of death, but we can postpone it to the time when we can carry it out. That more time than normal has passed does not imply that it makes sense to perform these farewell rituals..

3. Encourage emotional expression despite the situation and restrictions

We can help ourselves with writing, writing a letter to the deceased or using photos and objects to remember the loved one. It is important not to blame ourselves for not having accompanied you at this time and to be aware that we have been by their side throughout their entire life cycle.

We will try to avoid thinking about the conditions and the way in which he died. The health personnel have taken care of him, they have accompanied him and it is possible that the patient has been sedated and has not suffered.

A grieving process takes time. We are going to feel sad, but we need to move forward, keep doing things and keep living. We have to try to strike a balance between mourning our loved one and moving on with our lives.

Conclution

In this exceptional and harsh situation that we are going through, many circumstances are being altered. As we have seen throughout this article, one of them is the duel, which is postponed to when we regain normalcy.

The elaboration of the grief, even if it is postponed, is very important to overcome the loss. Therefore, it is advisable to take the necessary steps that we have described to move forward in the process. If you need help along this way, you can contact us at this link.