Peter Pan Syndrome: adults trapped in Neverland

Peter Pan Syndrome refers to those adults who continue to behave like children or adolescents without being able to take responsibility for their actions and adult life. They are people who refuse to grow up with a marked emotional immaturity tinged with a strong insecurity and a great fear of not being loved and accepted by others.

In this article we will see what the concept of Peter Pan Syndrome consists of, as explained by Dan Kiley.

• Related article: "How do psychologically mature people act? 10 keys "

Peter Pan syndrome: adults trapped in childhood

The Peter Pan are the eternal youthwho ignore the demands of the real world by hiding in a fantasy world, in your country of Never again. Trapped in it, they cannot develop the roles they have to assume, such as that of father, partner or professional, as expected in adulthood. They can be recognized because many of them may be reluctant to become independent from their parents, maintain superficial affective relationships and without commitment or do not just find their place in the world of work. As the well-known character of

J.M. BarrieThey fly continuously looking for adventure but feel unable to stop their flight and achieve stability in real life.

This resistance to growth, more frequent in men than in women, was defined by the American psychologist Dan kiley in 1983, and it is an increasingly frequent problem, since sociologically this disorder is increasingly chronic as a consequence of society capitalist and of immediacy, in which every day things are achieved with less effort and without the need for commitment, and in which we consume to fill the affective gaps. All of this gives us an immediate but fleeting pleasure..

Thus, in Peter Pan Syndrome there is a tension between the lifestyle linked to childhood, on the one hand, and the demands related to adulthood, a stage characterized by the need to assume responsibilities and achieve long-term goals term. The prospect of leaving behind a way of life based on play and immediacy is very hard for some people., who in certain cases are reluctant to embrace that emotionally mature way of life that goes beyond self-centeredness and the "here and now."

People with Peter Pan Syndrome may appear carefree and happy, living by the maxim of the Carpe Diem, but when investigating a little in his life or person, feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction emerge, accompanied by personal dependence, since they need another person by their side who meets their needs and makes them feel protected. This person who is in charge of satisfying you is usually the parents, older siblings or the partner.

Consequences of Peter Pan Syndrome

The consequences of PPS lead to significant emotional disturbancess, being frequent the high levels of anxiety Y sadness, being able to derive in pictures of depression. They also feel little fulfilled with their life, since by not taking responsibility for their actions, they do not feel their achievements as theirs either (internal locus of control) which has a direct impact on the self-esteem of the individual.

Also, generally people with PPS they feel misunderstood and it is difficult for them to realize their problem and they ignore that they suffer from it until some critical situation occurs and they He realizes that his way of behaving and facing the world is not effective or is anomalous with respect to that of the rest of his peers.

Adults who do not take responsibility

At the relational level, difficulties also arise due to the lack of commitment and the great demand with others. Generally, the Peter Pan person seems confident, even to the point of being arrogant, but as we have discussed before, there is a low self-esteem behind it. He enjoys many personal qualities such as creativity and wit and is generally a good professional. In addition, he strives to arouse admiration and recognition from the people around him. But although socially they can be leaders appreciated for their ability to have fun and liven up the environment, in privacy they display their demanding, intolerant and distrustful part. So it could be summed up with the phrase: "a leader outside and a tyrant at home".

At the level of love relationships, many of them are singles who become donjuanes for its great seduction capacity, and they go from one relationship to another constantly. Those who have a partner can create superficial relationships, spending years without getting to commit much. Many meet the profile "Dark triad".

He is also a candidate to act as Peter Pan, the boy who passes effortlessly from being the object of his mother's affection to that of his partner or wife. In this case, since he is never alone, he does not learn to take charge of his life.

Signs of Peter Pan Syndrome

In order to finish recognizing Peter Pan, I will present the most characteristic signs:

• Although adults have reached their thirties or even around forty years they continue to behave like little children.

• They feel a great need for attention by those around him.

• His attitude focuses on receiving, asking and criticizing and does not bother to give or do for others. He wants them to give him what he asks for or if he does not get angry, because they do not tolerate frustration.

• He lives centered on himself and in your problems without worrying too much about what happens to those around you.

• He feels constant dissatisfaction with what he has, but he acts to solve his situation, he wants to have everything but without making any effort to achieve it.

• He views commitment as an obstacle to freedom.

• He is not responsible for his actions rather, he wants others to do it for him. What's more blames others for what is not going well.

• They hide behind excuses or lies to disguise their inability to grow.

• He is very attracted to youth, idealized life stage for the PPS subject.

• Fear to loneliness.

• Much insecurity and low self-esteem.

Causes of Peter Pan Syndrome

Peter Pan syndrome, like most psychological phenomena, is surely due to the effect of multiple factors, such as dependent or avoidant personality traits, problem coping style or educational patternsBut it seems that the one that has the most weight in this mismatch is the life history of childhood itself; a very happy and carefree childhood that can be idealized by the person with PPS or, on the contrary, very unhappy and without affection.

In the first case, the syndrome seeks to perpetuate the happy moments living in constant childhood that it refuses to overcome, while in the second the function of the syndrome is recover the stolen childhood, through the freedom granted by being an adult.

"Mature": redefining the concept

Growing as a person is part of the natural development of human beings, but this does not mean that it is simple. Being an adult requires deciding to grow and adopt values ​​and goals in life. It also requires giving up some things to achieve the goal, taking responsibility for your own mistakes, and tolerating frustration from day to day.

Maturing does not mean losing the child that we carry insideNot letting it out occasionally makes people too rigid, but don't let the child dominate and hinder the adult's life, as in the case of the Peter Pan. A relationship of understanding and affection between the adult and the inner child is essential, since successfully maturing consists of achieve balance between both parts of the person.

The 'Wendy Syndrome' also exists

Where there is a Peter Pan there is a Wendy. Do you want to know what is the Wendy's personality profile? We explain it to you in the following article:

"Wendy syndrome: people who need approval from others"

Bibliographic references:

• Craig, G. & Baucum, D. (2001). Psychological development. New York: Pearson Education.
• Kiley, D. (1983) The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up. New York: Dodd Mead.
• Papalia, D.; Wendkos, S. & Duskin, R. (2005). Psychosocial development in middle adulthood. Human development. México D.F.: McGraw Hill.