How to turn the page with your ex after the breakup: 8 psychological tips

When a relationship ends, it does not always do so on good terms; in some cases it is necessary to know how to close cycles and understand that it is time to move on.

The memories always remain, but the way in which we face the end of the relationship is what makes the difference between having a bad time for a long time and without reason, or not doing it. In this article let's review some tips to know how to turn the page with your ex, and prevent the grieving process over the breakup from spiraling out of control. It is normal that at first we feel sad, but we should not let the negative feeling intensify and immobilize us.

• Related article: "The stages of heartbreak and its psychological consequences"

What happens during a love breakup?

To know how to turn the page with your ex, you must understand what happens during a love breakup. In these cases we stop receiving the gratification that being in a relationship with the other person represented for us, and it's time to face the fact that the relationship is over.

During this process it is normal that we present intense states of anguish, denial, anger or frustration, among other negative feelings that only us cause harm to ourselves and prevent us from having an adequate quality of life (at least while we are going through the grieving process for breaking off).

Falling in love is, apart from a feeling, an organic process that occurs thanks to the secretion of certain substances by our brain (the hormones of happiness). When a dating relationship ends and one of the parties is still in love, there is an abrupt cessation in the production of these substances. This situation makes it easier for the subject to start look for ways to regain the pleasant feeling that being with the other person caused you, and many times he tries in irrational ways, without taking into account the negative consequences of his actions.

How to turn the page with your ex?

In the following lines we are going to list a series of tips regarding how we can turn the page and correctly overcome the fact of having ended a dating relationship.

1. Focus on the facts, not the wishes

To begin, we must bear in mind that our desires for that person are intense, and that makes it difficult for us to see the reality of things as they are really happening. What is recommended is take into account the facts of the relationship, rather than our personal wishes.

If you are able to evaluate things objectively and logically, you will be able to realize that things have happened in a way that you were not evaluating, and that the best thing is to face the facts accepting that there are things that we cannot change, because they are personal decisions of the other person.

2. Close cycles with that person

We should not go through life leaving open cycles, we will only be able to lengthen a state of suffering, which does not have to be so long. What's more, eventually we will have to face the situations that we leave unfinished for life.

The correct way to close cycles is by expressing everything that we carry inside; our feelings, our deaths, and in general, our thinking about the situation: in this case, the breakup through which we are going. Ideally, we do this catharsis with the people involved in our process (ex-partner).

3. Boost your assertiveness skills

When talking to your partner to let him know how you feel, try to be assertive or assertive with your words, that is, expressing what you feel without disrespecting it.

Although you suspect that some of the things you are going to say may hurt, in assertive communication there is nothing left in the pipeline if considers that it is relevant and significant for what you want to express, yes, taking care of the manners and trying not to hurt in a way free.

Avoid any conflict with that person at all costs. You just have to tell him what your feelings are about the breakup, without trying to modify your decision. Ideally, you accept that everything is finished and say goodbye with your head held high.

4. Lock on aspects of your personal life

Once you've talked to your ex to let him know your impressions, it is time to continue with your life and reinvent yourself healthily. At first it may seem difficult to cope, but as the days go by you will see how things take their course and you manage to regain emotional stability.

Do a self-assessment of yourself and find out what are the aspects in which you can improveMake a list with them, and then look for activities that can help you improve your lifestyle. For example, start new healthy routines.

5. Talk to friends

Don't be afraid to talk to your friends about it. Showing yourself vulnerable with them won't make you look weak; in fact, people who are able to recount their difficult experiences give an impression of being self-confident. Also, your friends can give you their support and some advice.

6. Avoid isolation

Don't let the situation completely isolate you from the world. It is reasonable that you want to be alone or alone for some time to get your thoughts in order, but after a few days you should go back to frequenting places and socializing with other people who are not necessarily your closest friends.

• You may be interested: "The 6 types of loneliness, and their causes and characteristics"

7. Avoid dating other people out of spite

Abruptly wanting to replace your ex with someone else will only sink you further into dysfunctional relationship dynamics. It is best to give yourself time to properly get over the breakup you just had.; If everything goes well, after a few weeks you will be able to have appointments without significant problems, but not before you have gone through the process of improvement.

8. Apply new sources of gratification to your day to day

Rather than trying to suppress negative emotions (that is, those that hurt), the ideal is to direct your attention to activities that have the ability to catch your mind and be stimulating. From these types of experiences it is easier to extract a new lifestyle that allows us to turn the page and re-engage in reality and its possibilities.

Bibliographic references:

• Kübler-Ross, E. (2006) On grief and pain. Luciérnaga Editions. Barcelona.
• Lopez-Cantero, E. (2018). The Break-Up Check: Exploring Romantic Love through Relationship Terminations. Philosophia (Ramat Gan), 46 (3): pp. 689 - 703.
• Sternberg, R. (2004). A Triangular Theory of Love. In Reis, H. T.; Rusbult, C. AND. Close Relationships. New York: Psychology Press.
• Verhallen, A.M. et. to the. (2019). Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms. PLoS One, 14 (5): e0217320.