Divorce in maturity: keys to know how to face it

The maturity stage has been and continues to be studied by psychology, and although there is no rule that defines exactly what maturity is in its entirety, psychology has been used as interdisciplinary science of a great variety of constructs in order to gather and give a definition not only psychological but integrative of what this stage of development involves. life.

The dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy defines the maturity What that stage in which vital fullness has been reached and has not yet reached old age. Theorists have concluded that maturity fluctuates between 45 to 65 years and is for many the stage where responsibilities (family or work) are gradually ending: those who started a family in their youth, for example, see how their children form new families and move away from the home.

Ultimately, maturity is a transitional stage that all human beings are destined to live. A phase in which people, in general, have achieved a large part of their professional, family, social, academic goals, etc. Of course, that does not mean that it is exempt from crises and potentially problematic phenomena.

The divorce crisis

Among the many crises and problems that usually arise at this stage, there is one that has been on the rise in the last 10 to 15 years: The divorce. The possibility of experiencing this stage usually increases at this stage of life, a phenomenon with multicausal origin and on which it is not always easy to intervene from psychology.

Interestingly, about two decades ago it was less common to think about a divorce at this vital stage. Although there were cases, it was not the alternative to choose if there were marital problems, since many people considered that this stage is where you can enjoy more and without so many complications the life of partner. Time to enjoy the company of your spouse with privacy, in short.

Social and even religious issues have taken a back seat and divorce has taken hold to such an extent that it is considered the most viable option when you no longer want to live with your partner.

What can be the causes of divorce?

A divorce cannot be explained by a single cause, but there are certain aspects that influence more than others. For example, several mental health experts state that one of the causes of divorces in middle age or later is due to what they have called the empty nest syndrome, which consists of the feelings of loneliness and abandonment that some parents may experience or guardians when the children stop living in the same home and / or form a family.

Experts point out that most couples focus more on parenting and less on the relationship, and when the children complete their cycle within the family and the parents are left alone they discover their spouses in their entirety, with all their pleasant and unpleasant aspects that were not noticed before so much. If, in addition, within the relationship there have been marital problems that have not been solved (infidelities, conflicts in the division of tasks, etc.), the syndrome becomes the fastest way to end the marriage or relationship conjugal.

Doing the divorce with integrity

A divorce at this stage of maturity tends to be very painfulBecause the idea of ​​reaching old age alone terrifies many people. Not having a company, not having physical or emotional support, can be devastating.

In this sense, for example, the magazine British Medical Journal, published a study in people of mature age, where it was stated that Loneliness caused by widowhood, separation or divorce increases the risk of cognitive impairment later in people's lives. This can be interpreted as an effect of the social and emotional impoverishment that some of these people may experience.

The love It may come to an end, but a much more difficult task arises after all this stage. And it is to break the emotional ties that have united us with that person for years, a difficult task to bear.

Can you avoid a divorce?

Each couple has their history and an exact and correct formula cannot be given to this question since each couple is very different. Anyway, the question "can you avoid a divorce?" is itself a sign of a problem: consider that under certain conditions one member of the couple may be able to decide for the other person.

What it is about is to make a good balance of the needs and objectives that the other person may have, and apply self-criticism to see at what points it is oneself who is favoring the appearance of conflicts. And, if the other person wants a divorce, respect their decision. Divorce becomes an ordeal when one of the two parties does not want to accept it, and refuses to step aside from the relationship.

What to do if you file for divorce at maturity?

Yes, divorce is a very difficult stage, but the attitude we take towards it will be essential to not transform this crisis into something greater. The goal should be go through the divorce peacefully and with appropriate self-regulation of emotions.

When someone goes through a divorce, it will always be necessary for very trustworthy people to be in those moments, people who serve as emotional support and that due to their history of experiences and affective ties towards the person are very suitable for listening and attending to the person who goes through this stage painful The empathy plays an important role.

For it, it is good to let them know that their support is needed (if needed) so that they can act accordingly by being informed: some people may assume that their attempts at outreach and comfort may be poorly received.

However, in some cases staying calm will sometimes be impossible. When the situation becomes unsustainable it is better seek professional help.

Once the divorce process is finished, it is advisable to carry out sports activities if, in the case of the person, they can do so, or rdo some activity that breaks the routine and is enjoyable. It is also useful work to improve self-esteem, which has possibly been compromised during the divorce.

Bibliographic references:

• Graig, G. J. and Baucum, D. (1999): Psychological development. Mexico D.F: Pearson.
• Berger, K. S. (2008): Developmental Psychology: Adult and Old Age. Madrid: Editorial Panamericana.
• Horse, V. (2010): Therapy and Behavior Modification. Faculty of Psychological Sciences University of Guayaquil.