6 keys to "have lip service" and communicate more and better

Fear of conversations is a factor that can limit the quality of life for many people. There are people who tend to be secluded and isolated in their own mental universe simply because of the fear of not knowing how to manage dialogues or to give a bad image of herself, to block without knowing what to say or, simply, to be visibly nervous.

Of course, there are different degrees and intensities in which the fear of speaking can be given, but the truth is that the fact of being anchored in a shyness Self-defeating can limit our options and our freedom by making our lives unnecessarily complicated.

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How to have more lip? Learning to speak without fear

Solving these learned fears requires effort, time and above all practice, but having some theoretical references can help make this process easier and more bearable. Reading the keys that follow can be a good way to meet this challenge during the early stages of improving your ability to "have lip service."

1. Get cultured

This is a step that requires dedication for years and whose value, of course, goes far beyond its implications in our way of relating to people... besides being very stimulating and fun. Simply, we can expand our world of references by learning about new topics and soaking ourselves with things that you did not know before.

Remember that a good conversation is almost always enriched with cultural references that have to do with elements that are not present in the immediate environment in which the dialogue. Why not start loving what we like in order to expand our knowledge?

Thus, a conversation about our interests or areas of study and work can gain in value and relevance if there are many topics that interest you and about which you know things. But also, our self esteem will improve if we believe that we will always have topics of conversation in practically any situation, which will make it more difficult for us to block ourselves because we do not know what to say.

2. Get out of the comfort zone with self-instructions

If we start from a situation in which starting a conversation or participating in one that is already in progress usually produces nerves, It is necessary to assume that improving our labia will entail effort and moments of some initial discomfort. This fact will cause that, if we do nothing to remedy it, we adopt a passive attitude when we could be talking, avoiding initiating dialogues with other people or responding with monosyllables and short sentences so as not to put our image at risk before the rest. Ultimately, to ensure that they do not get to know us too much.

If we want to break this dynamic, we need to "force ourselves" to participate in complex dialogues, renouncing the short-term goals (not exposing ourselves to nerves and the risk of looking bad) in favor of long-term goals (have a richer social life and improve our way of relating to people). The simple fact of beginning to create situations of fluid communication in complicity with our interlocutors is, in itself, the basis of what it is to have lip service.

Self-instructions

Self-instructions are part of this solution. Its application consists, simply, of setting personalized and very specific objectives and goals to be carried out sequentially at the beginning of the process of talking to someone. To keep the self-instructions simple, we must keep them in mind when we want to start talking, and also We must learn to relate what happens to us and what we experience with these instructions that we have memorized.

Giving up excuses

A first group of self-instructions should be aimed at detecting the excuses that we use to avoid having to speak and, thus, neutralize them. In this way, if we realize that we are clinging to an idea that allows us to continue without dialogue with someone and stay in our comfort zone (for example, "seems tired, better not to bother him") the fact of being forewarned against this form of rationalization of the excuses will cause that we are forced to follow with the planned plan.

Using self-instructions to break the ice

The second group of self-instructions can be applied to start the conversation, forcing us to address the person we want to talk to and engaging them in the dialogue. However, it should be said that self-instructions should be put aside once the dialogue has already started, because following a script to talk to someone will make it seem artificial and little spontaneous.

3. Learn to listen

One of the easiest facets of participating in a conversation is letting the other person take the reins of the dialogue and the topic of the conversation. Thus, if we are beginning to take measures to abandon the fear of talking and there are still things that cost us a lot effort to make, adopting the role of "the listener" is a very good option to later be able to progress from from there.

In this way, you will get used to relaxing and simply following the thread of the conversation. In this way, as you will not experience the nerves that sometimes appear when you constantly doubt whether it is better to say something or not, you will be able to pay attention to what is being said and have more opportunities to come up with creative ways to use the information you receive in order to return it in the form of appropriate, witty, or generally meaningful responses for everyone else.

In fact, the ability to listen and contribute interesting elements based on what the other person has said is a typical characteristic of a good conversationalist. Do you know the concept of active listening?

To learn to converse, we must learn to forget the image we are giving and, simply, immerse ourselves in what the other person is saying, directing almost all of our attention. This can be complicated if we start the dialogue being very nervous, but with practice it can be achieved.

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4. Losing your fear of creativity

If we change our philosophy of life so that more creative elements and strident can have a place in it, our conversations can gain in naturalness and ability to amuse. For this it is good to start with our close friends.

Rather than using jokes, which are often typical and are not our invention, what can be to do is to communicate, directly, those ideas or associations that have occurred to us and that are fun. Regardless of whether they are or not, normally the humor with which we communicate them will infect others through our smile and the way we say it.

Seeing that others react positively to these spontaneous little verbal inventions will, in turn, make us gain more self-confidence, which will make it easier for us next time, boost our self-esteem, and allow us to converse more fluid.

5. Avoid fake monologues

When it comes to losing the fear of speaking, a part of us may ask that, since we are going to have to relate to someone, at least we act as if that someone did not exist, adopting the role of monologues and overwhelming our audience with a torrent of (memorized) phrases without waiting too long feedback of those who listen to us. That is why it must be taken into account that in every dialogue there must be a space for naturalness and empathy.

If we are planning to participate in a dialogue and we realize that we are preparing long sentences or directly a paragraph of what our biography could be, the best we can do is change strategy and bet on short-termism: simply, starting a conversation simply and making the other person participate immediately afterwards, to establish an empathic connection.

In this way, we will have already done the most difficult thing: start a dialogue. We'll take care of it after we turn this brainstorming into something meaningful; Normally, this happens naturally if we have something to say and we are not blinded by fear.

6. Pay attention to what happens in context

A part of the conversations is always related to the context in which it takes place. Therefore, when it comes to talking keep in mind that there are certain conventions and expectations related to space and the moment in which the dialogue is established. It is necessary to take this into account in order to be able to adapt to the situation, but beyond very formal contexts such as those that have to do with the field. professional and work, it is not worth obsessing over the subject, since that can kill our creativity and our ability to surprise.

But, in addition, paying attention to what is happening around us in real time will give us opportunities to keep the conversation flowing from what we are observing. Seeing the environment in which we speak more as an accumulation of possibilities to feed the dialogue rather than as a limiting aspect of it will make it easier for us to lose the fear of conversations.