Bullying: what can the parents of the abuser or victim do?

There are more and more cases of bullying in schools. Unfortunately, many times we find that the school or institute intervenes little or does not intervene. In these cases, as a father or mother, the feeling of helplessness is very natural, since it is surely the first time that we come across this and we do not know how we should act.

It is very important to be clear about all the agents involved in a bullying case, since not everything is reduced to the aggressor - victim relationship. In a case of bullying we will find the figure of the victim (it is the person who receives the attacks of harassment), the figure of the aggressor (that person who has harassing behaviors towards the victim), the family (both the family of the aggressor and of the victim), the companions (of both the aggressor and the victim), the teaching team and the management team of the center educational. All these figures can and should contribute to ending the harassment situation.

Often times, those who tend to move and try to find solutions are the parents of the harassed person. We must be clear that

the family of the person who assaults must also act, since if your child is having bullying behaviors, surely, there is also a lot of discomfort emotional in him / her and also, we can not allow another person to also suffer from it unfairly.

We'll see now some keys to knowing how to act, whether you are the father / mother of the person who is attacking or of the person attacked.

• Related article: "The 5 types of bullying or bullying"

What can I do as a parent of the victim in case of bullying?

These are the most effective measures you can take:

1. Do not encourage aggressiveness or revenge

There have been many cases in which the victim ends up engaging in retaliatory harassment. It is necessary to show empathy with the frustration they feel and to strengthen coping strategies alternatives to aggression.

2. Communication and listening

Many times they do not tell what they are experiencing. It is important to help them to break the silence and to know that this situation should not be hidden. It is necessary to listen to them without judging them, ask them open questions so they can express themselves to the fullest and let them know that this situation can be fixed.

3. Offer emotional support and avoid feelings of guilt or shame

Offering this unconditional and emotional support is essential. We won't tell him to try to fix it on her own, if she could have done it by now. As parents we must avoid feeling guilt or shame for what may be happening to our child, since it will make it difficult for us to address the problem effectively. We will teach you to assert her rights and build your self-esteem.

4. Avoid reproaches and nerves

Let's act safely and calmly; our son / daughter now needs confidence, security and to be able to reduce his level of anxiety or anguish. Knowing that their parents will not act impulsively or without consulting them, will give them exactly the security they need.

5. Firm and positive coping attitude

Without forcing anything or forcing any situation so as not to generate greater fear, he must be made to see the need to address the situation, showing determination and positivity in the process.

6. Know what you have tried to do so far and what you want to do

Let's not make any decision without deciding it together with our child. We must know what he / she has tried so far and what has worked and what has not.

7. Keep a personal journal

Propose to write a journal it will help you to better elaborate and digest what you are experiencing. In addition, it will help us to be able to record all the details and have evidence and information in case it is necessary to prove it later.

8. Request intervention from the educational center

Any educational center, faced with a case or suspicion of bullying, is absolutely obliged to implement the protocol prevention, detection and intervention of bullying. In the event that the educational center does not implement the protocol, the next step is to go to the inspection services. And in serious cases, where there is no way of resolution, go to Justice.

9. Seek professional support

If your child expresses emotional distress or in very serious cases self-harm, you must go to a psychologist to be able to offer professional support.

10. Do not adopt a passive attitude

Under no circumstances will we think that it is best to do nothing. If we do something, it will not aggravate the problem, it will always bring us closer to ending this unfair and painful situation that our child is experiencing.

• You may be interested: "The 11 types of violence (and the different types of aggression)"

What can I do as the father or mother of the aggressor?

Follow these tips to help them stop such harassing actions.

1. Accept and assume your child's behavior

As much as it hurts to accept that your child is having bullying behavior towards another classmate, assuming it and accepting it will not make him / her an aggressor for life or be harmful. If we really want to protect and care for you, Let's stop harassing behavior and tackle the reasons that lead you to attack your equal.

2. Communication

You have to talk directly about the issue and what is happening. Let's understand why our son / daughter is having these behaviors. Above all, let us act calmly and without being carried away by impulses. We must listen to him and he / she to us.

3. Consequences, behavior control, compensation for damages and firmness

You must know that the family does not tolerate or accept violent behaviors, you have to explain the possible consequences of these behaviors and make it clear that this situation must end. We must encourage the aggressor to be able to apologize to the harassed and repair the possible damage caused.

4. Stimulate empathy and prosocial behavior

Teach him to practice positive behaviors and reinforce them. Let him know that his family values ​​prosocial behaviors and that he can empathize with his peers and peers. Let us analyze with him / her the harmful consequences that exist in this situation for both him and the victim.

5. Be models of empathy and prosocial behavior

We must be role models of positive behavior, and it is very important that we can offer it to you; either ourselves, other colleagues or other people in whom it is positive that we notice their behavior. Remember that parents are the main reference for your child.

6. Behavior monitoring

It is important that once the situation of harassment has been addressed, the evolution of the aggressor's behavior can be monitored. It may be beneficial to talk with the tutor / tutor or psychologist / or school.

7. Request support from the educational center

It is very important that the family of the person who harasses also requests that the prevention, detection and intervention protocol for bullying is activated in the educational center and that the family can actively participate in it.

8. Seek professional support

It may be that the harassment behaviors are the result of projection of a lot of anger that our child has accumulated, feelings of insecurity or inferiority, low tolerance for frustration, lack of empathy, low social skills, having an experience as a victim of bullying school. In any case, it is very important that she can have professional support from a psychologist who can offer to improve her emotional well-being.

In conclusion:

Remember that in any case of bullying or suspicion of it, we must actWe are who we are, since pain and suffering are not part of the academic curriculum.