6 guidelines for learning to say 'no'

Knowing how to say no or, what is the same, being assertive, makes us defend our rights and opinions while respecting others.

But On many occasions, due to multiple fears, it is difficult for us to say no or to set limits to people or situations, getting to affect ourselves. What to do to leave that irrational fear behind?

• Related article: "The 28 types of communication and their characteristics"

Guidelines for knowing how to say "no"

There are times when our interests are at stake in relation to another; family or work situations in which it is sometimes difficult for us to say no. Your boss asks you for a last minute favor and that you stay longer, your mother wants to be with you excessively, your sister constantly asks you to take her somewhere, your friend decides where you go from holidays... There are many situations in which we do not express our opinion as we would like or we do not set the necessary limits.

It is these situations in which personalities with a passive style sometimes feel used, ignored and overwhelmed. for putting others before oneself.

In the history of our relationships we create behavioral roles, which makes the other person expect us to behave as we have been doing. That is to say, your boss expects you to stay, your sister that you accompany her as always and your friend that you agree with everything she proposes to you.

Learning to say no in all these situations is a right and an exercise of self-respect and self-care, and it is important to start putting it into practice if you feel that you do not usually do it.

1. Free yourself from irrational ideas

Your boss, your mother, your friend and your sister will understand that you cannot or do not want to do something they propose to you. Take care of communication and your fears. People who find it difficult to say "no" are very afraid that they will think badly of them or conflict. Review what you fear and manage your thoughts.

2. Give yourself some time to think

When they propose something to you, don't say "yes" right away. Give yourself some time to think if you really want or can do it. At one point say that you need some time to think about it.

3. Try to be brief, friendly and clear

This is key. In a firm and simple tone, with short sentences, tell him that you can't do it. It is important not to give excessive explanations because this can transmit insecurity.

For example: "I'm very sorry but I'm busy this afternoon." "I'm sorry but I can't."

If you want to be especially kind, you can show more empathy with phrases like this: "I understand that it would be good for you to get closer but I can't at that time."

4. Sandwich technique

Consists in say something positive before and after rejecting the request. For example: "Mom, I also want to spend time together, but this week I have a difficult time, see you next week?" This technique shows kindness and interest.

5. The broken record

This is used when the person insists. It consists of repeating the same thing all the time, without wavering or going in to give more explanations, and very calmly. We must be cautious with this technique because we can show disinterest. It is important to combine it with empathy. Example: "Mom, I'm really sorry, but I told you that this week I have a difficult time."

6. Train from imagination

Make a list of the situations in which you would like to say "no." Choose one of those situations and write in all the details how it usually is, what you usually say and how you usually react.

Prepare and choose a short, friendly and simple answer to put into practice the next time it happens. Imagine the situation by closing your eyes; imagine and visualize yourself saying no and saying that phrase you have chosen.

Remember, saying "no" is a right.