How to promote resilience in children?

Resilience is the capacity that people develop to face difficult, scary, painful or disappointing situations or events without collapsing or breaking down.

On the other hand, resilience is built on those of internal and external experiences, which in turn are mediated by the environment. With that in mind, it's no wonder this set of capabilities can be trained and developed. In fact, they have been since childhood.

• Related article: "The most outstanding theories that speak to us about the psychological development in the childhood."

Tips to promote the development of resilience in boys and girls

Below we will see five guidelines to facilitate the development of emotional intelligence and therefore resilience in children.

1. Facilitate experiences

Social interaction is the vehicle through which we understand the world and ourselves. It also encourages autonomy and the ability to choose, characteristics of a resilient person.

Attachment experience

With a secure bond of attachment, the child has the freedom to explore the world because she knows that there is a reliable, stable and close figure

; This will be expressed in the way she reacts to difficult experiences.

Therefore, verbal and non-verbal contact with attachment figures is essential: caresses, eye contact, tone, and the words we choose. Resilience is the way we manage affect, so secure attachment directly affects our emotional regulation throughout life.

Game experience

It is essential, since symbolically allows different experiences with different emotional charges; These influence affective development, providing spaces for, among other things, tolerating frustration, solving problems or generating ideas.

Social experience

Have the possibility to explore various spaces outside the home such as parks, shops, going to the supermarket and from then the school context, imply the interaction with different types of people in different situations, with which cognitive flexibility develops, a fundamental factor to face crises and regulate emotions, since it allows adaptation to changes.

2. Be an example

The children they learn from the way adults react to adversity. They are natural observers, and that is a great source of meaningful learning.

Many times we think that because we are small they do not realize our emotional reactions, but precisely the same ones are the ones that they capture more easily. If we react disproportionately to a problem, say catastrophic words or have defeatist attitudes, the child learns that in front of these situations such intensity and type of emotion.

If, on the contrary, we give rise to the emotions that occur in a regulated and solution-focused way, the child will also internalize it. For example, instead of saying: now what are we going to do, there is no way out! We can say: "although right now we don't know what to do, we will surely think of something."

3. Validate emotions

Many times we believe, because that is how we have been taught, that negative emotions should not be expressed. If a child gets angry we say “don't be angry”; if he is crying, "don't cry"; if something has happened that affects you "nothing happens"; if he is afraid: "do not be afraid"... and we teach them that feeling these types of emotions is bad and that the way to solve it is to silence it, what they do not learn to manage these emotions or to give place to them in a natural way in their experiences.

We validate emotions by helping emotional expression: "I suppose you are angry or sad", "you are afraid"... In addition, you have to give him a space where he can freely express his emotion, and ask: "What happened?", "What do you think?", "Do you feel any discomfort in your body?"... So towe also help to discriminate emotions: that they learn to differentiate between anger, sadness, frustration, etc.

• You may be interested in: "The 6 stages of childhood (physical and mental development)"

4. Guide the emotional experience

Once emotions have been validated, we can suggest alternatives for managing them.

We can give examples of when we have felt fear: "Would a hug help you relax a little?" Once the physiological activation has relaxed a little (for example through a hug or a caress or drinking a glass of water), we can propose a solution: "When Do you feel safe and brave? "According to his answer we can integrate him into the situation, and if he does not know, we can give him examples where we have seen security in him or her; This will help you find internal resources that facilitate coping.

Finally, once the child has identified what he feels and her resources, we can propose actions that help regulate the intensity of emotion. For example, do breathing exercises, do some reading, and specific actions that increase safety. If we take the example of COVID-19, it could be hand washing instead of do not touch! Guiding the experience does not imply being a manager but proposing, asking questions and making decisions together.

5. Practice empathy

We can also learn from the experiences of others, this includes the development of listening and generosity. In a way adjusted to the child's age, we can also tell them what happens to us when we are going through a difficult time, and allow them to contribute something, be it practical help or some idea to improve the situation.

The same way, share experiences of other children who have gone through difficult times and have managed to overcome it o promote experiences (for example, sharing food, toys, or time with people who are struggling). Metaphors are also an excellent vehicle to put themselves in the place of the other, through stories, resilient characters with whom they can identify.

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