What is affection and why does it mark us throughout life?

Affection is a psychological phenomenon that, in one way or another, we sense that it is important to our lives. It always appears in conversations when we talk about personal relationships, or when we think about love.

However, what exactly is affection? Being a concept that we use intuitively, without stopping too much to think about its meaning, Sometimes we make mistakes and consider it an element that is simply there when we interact with someone. But the truth is that it is something that does not appear and disappears spontaneously as we socialize with different people; it is always there, and its effects leave a mark on us. Let's see.

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What is affection?

"All you need is love"; as this well-known Beattles song reminds us, love is something that moves us and gives us strength to discover and see the world. But although when we talk about love we usually think about it romantic love or the one that is given to the couple, there are also many others. A mother who cradles her child, a friend who is by her side in bad times, a partner who makes you feel more alive than ever. All of them are united by deep emotional ties.

Although we all know what it is and have experienced it on occasion, it is not as simple as it seems to give a definition of what affection is that is general and takes into account the various situations or circumstances in which it may Appear. However, at a general level, affect can be considered as that disposition that a person or animal has towards another being or situation.

Affection is often identified with emotion, but although related, the truth is that there is a difference: the affect is directed towards another person, being or thing and their levels can fluctuate but are usually more permanent, while emotions are experienced by oneself and are temporary. Generally affection is identified and associated with feelings of love and affection towards someone, a feeling of union towards the other.

It is therefore a relational element, an interaction between several people or beings (let's not forget that we can also feel affection for pets or animals, and they also feel affection for us and each other). So it is not something that depends only on oneself, but is linked to the relationship we have with the person or being in question.

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Characteristics of emotional ties

Affection is an essential element for the human being, its absence being linked to various psychopathologies such as depression, sociopathy or even being a factor of great importance in the emergence of personality disorders. It also predisposes to worsening or medical illnesses as well as a lower survival rate, such as cancer or heart disease.

Affect is fluid and variable, since it can change depending on how the interaction is. It expresses itself in many different ways, generally investing energy in order to make the other person feel good (whether it is visible or imperceptible to others). These displays of affection in turn can receive different types of response from the other.

And is that on many occasions the affection is not reciprocated or it does not occur on the same level (we can care for someone but not romantic love, for example), or it can even be unpleasant and unwanted by the other subject.

Although in this article we focus on affection as it is popularly understood (the aforementioned feeling of togetherness towards another), the truth is that we can also speak of positive and negative affectivity, depending on the general emotional tone that let's have.

Affection as a necessity throughout the life cycle

The ability to feel, give, and receive affection is largely biological., mediated by different neurotransmitters such as oxytocin. However, life experiences will largely determine whether we feel affection for someone, for whom and in what way to express it.

It arises during the early stages of our life, especially when we begin to receive rewards in the form of attention and the first people towards whom we feel it are usually in most cases our parents or habitual caregivers, some of the first being beings that we are able to recognize as our brain develops and allows us to recognize others as elements other than one same. And not only after delivery, but also the relationship with the mother during fetal development and during pregnancy.

Feeling and receiving affection is something fundamental for our correct emotional and cognitive development like human beings. As gregarious beings that we are and that we are part of a society, we need to feel part of the group, to feel united with other people.

1. Early years and childhood

And this need is visible from birth: the baby needs a safe environment and the existence of a response to her needs. The physical contact and the affection that we receive in childhood will largely mark our attitude towards life: a baby who has been loved can face the world with confidence in himself (since his expressions and needs have been covered), while one that has been neglected will tend to see the world as something that does not respond to his needs, that ignores him and of which distrust.

Receiving affection will influence the way you see yourself and the world, while making us feel safe, calm, safe and able to see things with joy, enthusiasm and curiosity. The mixture between the baby's temperament and her interaction with her caregivers will largely determine the type of attachment that she manifests with them and with the rest of the world.

As we grow, the affective needs expand, beginning to relate to other people and beings beyond our caregivers. The first friendships and connections with other similar ones begin to be made. In the family, the expression of affection and support continues to be fundamental, being a stage in which the The child absorbs not only the affection he receives but also the values ​​and ways of acting more appropriate.

As for the affection itself, it is important that you receive it but also that you can give it, the reactions of others to said expressions of affection being important. That in these childhood relationships we can give and receive affection will also mark us to a great extent. And it must be borne in mind that affection is not only given towards living beings: toys and objects that are important to us also awaken it.

In general, people who have received affection throughout childhood they tend to be more empatheticWhile those that do not tend to be more rigid, distant and tend more to anxiety and depressive disorders.

• Related article: "Attachment Theory and the bond between parents and children"

2. Adolescence and adulthood

But not only in childhood: adolescence is a stage in which we need a lot of affection, in which we learn to relate and we experience different changes that make us more interested in others.

Our interest moves away from the family and focuses on the peer group (in which we are going to invest great amount of effort), discovering ourselves and trying to form our own identity. The experiences that we live and that we have lived, as well as the affection received along the way, will be important when it comes to achieve an integrated identity and with good self-esteem. Another type of affection, the romantic, also begins to appear, emerging the first love experiences.

Once we reach adulthood, the need for affection continues and will continue throughout life. Although there are individuals who do not enjoy company, generally we all want to share our lives with other people. Relationships become more complex and we are much more aware of what we feel, what we do, and what we cause. Romantic relationships become more important, although in a more serene way than in adolescence. Family, friends, couple, children… All of them are more or less important to us and will arouse different degrees of affection.

3. Old age

Although it is an aspect little cared for by today's society, old age is a difficult stage in which little by little we are losing physical and mental faculties. In addition, a large part of the people for whom we have felt affection have already died or are in the final stretch of their lives, appearing the fear of losing them. It is easier to lose autonomy and feel more fragile.

It is a vital moment in which affection is very necessary, but in many cases it is not given enough, That makes it easier for people to get sick and for disorders such as depression to appear. And it is that a lot of the elderly feel lonely.

Bibliographic references

• González, M.P.; Barrull, E.; Pons, C. and Marteles, P. (1998). What is affection? Biopsychology [Online] Available at http://www.biopsychology.org/biopsicologia/articulos/que_es_el_afecto.html.